I didn’t want to cry, but the guilt was dragging me down. A headache was banging in my head. I hate that we argued, I always do.
My throat constricted as I felt a panic attack near.
… Alright calm down, Violet, you’ve been doing good…
( ‘It’s okay, just focus on breathing.’ )
I squeezed my eyes shut as I timed my breathing. My hands held my temples to try and silence the headache. It was quiet for a few moments and then I opened my eyes. I let out a breath.
… I did it!…
A sad frown formed on my face. I wanted to go hug Benlyam and cry in his arms. I made my sad way into the bathroom and saw my mascara tears down my cheeks. I sniffled and started to clean my face.
‘You killed his baby.’
A sob left my lips and I pressed a hand over my mouth.
… No, I didn’t!…
Silence again. I viciously wiped my tears as I started to get dressed and crawled into bed. I felt exhaustion take over me as soon as I laid down. I sighed as I closed my wet eyes, my back was killing me. I soon fell asleep.
When I woke up, Benlyam was in bed beside me. I had to blink a few times because of how lit up the room was, but I preferred it that way and I was thankful that he respected that.
I felt wide awake.
… Loving the pregnancy…
I glanced at the clock that read one twelve in the morning. I sighed and my eyes caught sight of our triplets picture. Tears immediately formed in my eyes as I started to silently cry. I didn’t want to wake up Benlyam.
My hand floated down under my nightshirt to hold my stomach.
… I’m so sorry, sweet ones. I promise to give you the best life, I’ll always love you…
My other hand wiped my tears. It wasn’t my fault. The King told me himself, there wasn’t anything I could do, Benlyam and Reseda even said I was sterile! It wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t want to have a funeral. I couldn’t even imagine how tiny the casket would be, Benlyam and I still needed to talk about it. I didn’t want to, but it was something we had to do.
I hated how we fought. We haven’t had a problem since last month, last month was pretty bad. I didn’t talk to him for three days.
It all started when we were about to have a meeting, we were talking to Garret and Hannah and he said something that I didn’t like. I told him that and he got snippy with me because he was already in a pissy mood, to begin with.
All through the meeting he just kept pushing it and when we got home, we tried to talk about it but we just yelled at each other, and then I cried myself to sleep.
I hated it when he called me ‘Viv’, it was a sure sign an argument was around the corner. It was always ‘Huh, Viv’ and ‘Okay, Viv’, and I couldn’t stand them. He knew that too, but I also called him Derek when I was pissed at him, and he didn’t like it when I called him that.
If I wanted to push it, ‘Rick’ was a great option. He’d just walk away because he wouldn’t want to yell at me. The easy way out.
I took a deep breath to calm down as my hands rubbed small circles on my stomach. I wiped a few tears away then I paused. I felt a light little tapping against my hand, a small flicking in me.
I stopped breathing.
… They’re kicking…
My mouth fell open in pure joy and I glanced over at my sleeping mate. Forget that… I tapped his shoulder.
“Bee,” I whispered as I tightly tapped my hand against him. It kicked again. “Bee, wake up!” I said a little louder.
He groaned and turned my way, a crease in his eyebrows while his eyes were still closed. “Violet, it’s fine. Go back to bad, honey,” he grumbled groggily and I rolled my eyes.
I tapped him again, slightly harder and he sighed as he cracked his eyes open.
Another kick.
I had to contain my smile as he eyed my tear streaks.
“What’s wrong, Flower?” he asked, concerned as he opened his eyes.
“Give me your hand,” I held out my hand but he didn’t move.
“Violet-” he started but I widened my eyes at him.
“Just give!” He sighed and reached out his hand. I slipped it under my shirt and he gave me a puzzled look.
“Honey, it’s like one. What are-”
I shushed him.
“Hon-”
“Shh!” I whispered again. I gave him a look as he gave up and waited, his big hand sprawled out across my bump.
Tap.