Suddenly, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on me.
… What did I do?…
I gasped out as pain flooded my system, tears pouring out. I heard pounding footsteps down the hall, then the door pushed open against my back. I grunted and Benlyam carefully but urgently entered the room, crouching beside me.
… What did I do? He’s going to hate me… I promised him…
My mouth was stuck open as I stared at my drenched wrists. I saw his hands go to grab me and I immediately looked up to him.
“I-I’m so… I’m s-sorry!” I choked out. “B-Bee… I- I- s-sorry…”
I felt him scoop me up and take me to the bathroom, lightly setting me on the counter while he grabbed the first aid kit under the sink. It was filled mainly with bandages for when things like this happened. He plopped it down beside me and started to clean me.
My head fell against his chest as my body shook with sobs, I kept mumbling my apologies against him. I felt him strip me of my shirt and pants that were covered in my blood. He picked me up and I buried my head in his shoulder.
… He probably hates me…
“Shh,” I heard him whisper as he grabbed some clothes and walked back into the bathroom to dress me. I felt the anger simmering in him and it made me cry harder. Once I was clothed, he picked me back up and left my room. I don’t know if he meant to slam the door shut, but he did.
Benlyam walked into his room and pulled back the sheets and laid me down. He immediately pulled back from me, covering me.
“B-Be-” I sobbed, “I’m so…” I couldn’t even finish. He walked into his bathroom and came back with two pills and glass of water.
“Painkiller, iron tablet,” he informed me as he put it in my mouth and held the glass to my lips.
“Ben- I’m s-s-”
“Shh. Get some rest,” he instructed as he wiped a tear and pulled away. My eyes shut on their own accord. When I heard the door close, I fully slipped under. He never kissed my forehead, he always does after I cry. He kisses my forehead quite often.
I woke up later. It was dark out. I felt immensely guilty at what I did, my stomach painfully stinging. I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. He wrapped my cuts, dressed me, and put me to bed. And what did I do? I broke my promise to him…
I got out of bed with a plan. I was going to go see Benlyam, apologize, and tell him about those letters!
I walked out of the room and down to his office, but the pain intensified. Did I feel this guilty? Or was I just nervous? He’d be mad I kept them a secret for this long, but I need to tell him.
I probably wouldn’t feel this bad if I told him in the first place.
I neared his door and the stinging flared. I didn’t knock, I just opened the door and immediately hated my entire existence. Tears fell and I grabbed on to my stomach. Lindsay was sitting in Benlyam’s lap, making out with him, shirtless. His hands around her.
My heart shattered and I gaped at the sight. I turned right back around, slamming the door shut behind me. I raced downstairs, my breathing harsh. I should’ve got my inhaler, but I needed to leave.
I’ll go to see Hannah or to the pack house, or somewhere. I just couldn’t stay here.
I opened the door and sped down the stairs, walking to an unknown destination. Pack house! Go there first!
I should’ve seen this coming… All those words he said to me meant nothing. Maybe they did but he lost all hope with me when he saw I cut again. I bet Lindsay didn’t cut herself. She didn’t cry when they screwed. I bet that other girl didn’t do it either. None of them did.
I should’ve ended it.
My hands wrapped around my stomach, Sage tensing up. I need to see Hannah, I’m not going to the pack house. I need Hannah, she was my only friend.
I was in the blind spot of the pack, and it was dark out. Fear crawled up on my back, tickling me. I sucked in a shaky breath as I wiped my tears. My hand subconsciously went back to hold my stomach.
I picked up a scent that my mind recognized but I couldn’t pinpoint. I looked around, trying to find the owner but I didn’t see anything. It became eerily silent before I heard footsteps stomp up behind me.
It took one footstep, absolutely one. Sage was screaming at me because I didn’t recognize that disgusting scent, the one I absolutely could not stand. A scent that brought terror to my life.
Sage was pissed that I didn’t pick it up, but she was also hurt because of Benlyam, but in my defense, I didn’t have the ‘wolf nose’ when I was there. I only shifted here.
I had no time to react when I felt dreaded arms grab me and cover my mouth. Something sharp stabbed in my neck and I cried out and went to struggle but my motions slowed. I felt the person lean into my ear right before I blacked out.
“Hello, babykins.”