“I love you Nicole , but I can’t forgive you and if I can’t do that, then I can’t be with you, you might think this is not the best choice now but in the long run, you will realize this was the best decision, I hope you get through this and get back on your feet and be happy, sincerely, you made me happy but the sadness you caused me can’t be written off by that happiness, I don’t know if I would ever stop loving you, just like I don’t know if I will ever forgive you, let’s hope for the best for each other, good-bye, let’s not meet again, I will send the papers over, all you need to do is sign,”
He kissed her again as if it was hard for him to let go too, she held her onto him when his lips left hers.
“Please don’t do this Rafael, please, I love you so much, I can’t live without you in my life, Rafael please, I love you so much, I am sorry for letting our baby die, please don’t leave me, I can’t be without you now,”
She pleaded, but he removed her hands from him, stood up and left even though she kept calling and begging him to come back to her, he didn’t come back, she heard his car leave the house, her heart going with him, leaving just a void, a huge gap that nothing could fill, she could still taste him on her lips, his scent lingered on, she sat there fed up with life and wanting everything she had back, the nurse assigned to her found her there, in tears, she couldn’t do anything else, her happy life suddenly wasn’t worth living anymore and she just wanted it all to end.
“Oh my gosh ma, why are you on the floor? What happened?”
She asked rushing to her side, she helped her get up and she sat on the bed, tears streaming down her eyes, she didn’t bother to hide them, too sad to do so.
“I am so sorry, I just went to get something and didn’t mean to stay long, I didn’t know you will be awake already,”
The nurse said, obviously she was scared of losing her job.
“It’s fine, can you let me be alone?”
“I can’t do that, you have to tell me what is going on, do we need to go to the hospital? Should I call the doctor? Are you heart anywhere?”
The nurse asked checking her.
“None of that happened and I don’t need the doctor, I just went to be left alone,”
“I am sorry, I can’t do t***”
“What part of I want to be left alone didn’t you understand?”
Nicole yelled at the nurse, who took a few steps back and apologized, she laid on the bed, as the lady who would be around her age or maybe older apologized again and left her, her tears flowed again wetting her pillow, she couldn’t come up with a good reason why she should still be alive, she wished she had gone with their baby,
She spent the rest of the day in the room crying, there was nothing else she could do, at such a young age, she had already seen enough that she didn’t want to continue living,
The next morning, she woke up with tears in her eyes, in just a couple of minutes, an event happened that turned her whole happiness to sadness, if only she had chosen a different approach, if only she hadn’t left home to confront her sister, things won’t have turned out like this and Rafael won’t have left her, she was to blame for her misfortune, losing a child and the person you love the most at the same time was something no one should experience, she couldn’t even wish this on her worst enemy, it was so heartbreaking that once again, she wished she had never woken up from that sleep, here she was about to start a life without her baby or her husband, she didn’t want that and the fact that Rafael had said he still loves her and would probably never stop loving her made it even worst for her to bear.
Her phone rang and she smiled weakly, it was the one person in the world who aside from her parents was her new constant.
“Hey baby, how are you doing?”
“Hi, Grace, I am fine, I just woke up,”
She replied stretching her legs, they didn’t hurt anymore and she just had about four doctor’s appointments until she could walk without the wheelchair, she wasn’t even looking forward to it, she wasn’t even looking forward to anything anymore.
“Your voice, what happened Nicole ?”
Grace asked with concern, it so easy for her to detect anything wrong with her and sometimes it scares her, until Grace the only person that truly understand her and was her friend had been her sister, well they weren’t much of that anymore.
“Nothing, I told you I just woke up,”
“Yeah, but your voice, did you cry again? I thought we talked about this?”
“Yes, and I am saying I am okay, honestly,”
“I don’t believe you but I am just going to take your words for it, anyway my exams end today so I am coming over,”
“Really? You don’t have to, it’s your break, why not spend doing something you enjoy or going on a vacation with your boyfriend,”
“My boyfriend is going home to visit his family in Africa, so I am free except I go with him which I can’t because I didn’t tell my parents about him yet, so you are stuck with me girl, and better be ready,”
“Okay, see you soon,”
“Yes, love,”
Grace replied and their call ended, even though she didn’t want Grace to waste time with her, she was happy that she would have someone to talk to, someone to listen to her pains and understand her.