I close my eyes and buries in his arms with peace of mind. James, you always appeared when I am at a loss.
The crowd explodes.
“Mr. James, does the James family know your relationship? Will you be allowed to associate with such people?”
“I hear that Mr. James plans to have a family marriage. Is this true? What is Miss Carolina’s identity? Mistress?”
“I’m sorry to have troubled you,” James says.
The car has left a noisy place.
I shake my head weakly. I never thought that there would be a day when people from all over the world would scold me.
“Be assured that these remarks will disappear immediately, and no word will be left at that time.” James comforts me and touches my head.
But how can this blame him? It is my fault that I first found him and that I fall in love with him first.
“James, you put me at the alley of my house first, I will go home first,” I say weakly.
James gives me a hard look and says, “Your home may be surrounded by the media.”
“Oh.” I close my eyes in despair.
Is it Neil? Is he retaliating against me?
“Carolina, look at me!” James embraces my shoulders in fear and asks me to look into his eyes.
He is so scared and upset.
“I beg you, don’t give up the love between us because of this. Please, this thing is just an episode, we will get better and better in the future.” His eyes are so earnest.
Do I regret it? It seems a little bit, but not because I regretted falling in love with James, but because I couldn’t handle everything well and then fall in love with him.
I gently rest my head on his shoulder, “Don’t be afraid, I won’t, but I think we must calm down and let this thing calm down, maybe there will be a better solution in the future. What do you say? ”
In the car and in this small space, this moment of intimacy and ease make me unwilling to leave him.
James says to me over and over again, I love you, I love you.
My dear, I love you too, but it is a regret of my life that we did not meet you at the best time.
The gate of my neighborhood is full of people, so I have to sneak in through the back door.
All are here.
No one speaks, and they all look at me the moment I enter the door.
Mom cries and tears clearly visible on her face.
When she sees me, she shouts, “Our family doesn’t have you as our daughter! Now, everyone knows that you are wanton!”
“Sister, you know what. Everyone in the school is scolding me, saying that I have such a sister, and I am not a good thing.” My sister Elaine grumbles.
“I’m sorry.” I stand in front of them in guilt, like a sinner.
“We can’t out-marry a family like the James family. You can live with Neil as well.” Mom keeps crying.
Dad smokes one cigarette after another.
It seems that our house collapses all at once.
Yeah, the whole world knows my scandal, but the world knows it too. I love James and he loves me.
But my family is my weakness and my bottom line, and I can’t drag them down to satisfy my desire.
What shall I do in the future?
It may be that James is putting pressure on it. The articles on the Internet are quickly withdrawn, and the media surrounding the house also go away. It seems that nothing has happened.
But I know how it affects our family.
My mother is afraid of going out; my dad too. My sister will cry secretly every time I go home, my brother doesn’t say anything, but I know he has a lot to bear.
I suddenly fall into a kind of anxiety. I want to see James, but I am afraid to see James. I want to be with him, but I couldn’t. It seems like I am in a desperate situation all at once.
I start to have insomnia and take a lot of sleeping pills every night, but I still stare at the ceiling with my eyes open for one whole night.
How do you live like this? I suppress my missing about James and refuse to meet him. It seems that I would feel more balanced in my heart. Because my family is suffering at home, how could I be so happy!
Neil appears, at the right time.
“Mom, Dad, I’ll pick Carolina home.” Neil still pretends to be kind.
Mom is grateful, “Okay, okay, I’ll let Carolina clean up and go back with you.”
I stand motionless and look at him. I can’t help but disgusted.
“Get out!” I point at Neil.
This man’s hypocrisy is terrible. He might have done it. Even I die, I don’t want to live with him anymore.
“Carolina!” Dad warns me with a roar.
My mother has packed up my things, “Why don’t you think about it? Hurry up and go home with Neil. Do you still want to live in this home?”
I am indifferent.
Neil gets up and calls me with a voice he thought is very gentle, “Carolina.”
I frown. I know he’s going to start his show again.
He pretends to be affectionate, “Carolina, it’s okay, I won’t mind, I won’t mind what others say. As long as you can change your mind and make peace with me, I will treat you as before, just come home with me.”
“How did you treat me before, you know. Hit me like before?” I look at him with a sneer, “Don’t pretend to be kind, it’s too disgusting.”
“How can you say that, Carolina? Neil doesn’t mind at all.” Mother is always on the side of Neil, no matter what I say, she doesn’t believe it.
“I don’t care if he doesn’t mind! He’d better mind and get out of my house!” I growl hysterically.
“Carolina, don’t say anything today, just follow Neil home! Otherwise, I won’t have you as a daughter!” Dad shivers with anger.
Neil carefully takes a step forward, trying to hold my hand, and I shake it away.
“Come home with me.”
My family is praying for me, my parents look at me poorly.
OK, I will give you a satisfactory answer.
I go back to my room and take out my passport from the drawer and put it in my bag.
“Let’s go.” I grab my luggage and go away without looking back.
My parents are relieved and shout my name behind me, telling me to treat Neil better.
I get into the car and Neil is unhappy.
“Don’t try to get rid of me in your life.” He smiles evilly, and it is the same as before.
I only give him a slight glance.
Parents look at us outside the car, and Neil waves a smile at them with a smile.
I turn my head and stare at them.
I should remember what they look like.
The car drives out, far from the eyes of parents.
“Stop!” I call suddenly.
Neil gives me a warning glance, “What do you want to do!”
“I want you to park the car!” I try to grab his steering wheel regardless of the situation.
Neil is anxious, holding the steering wheel hard, “Carolina, are you crazy?”
The car is driving on the road in a twisty manner, and as it seems to collide with the car in front, Neil has no choice but to brake.
The traffic police come over, and I take the opportunity to open the car door and run out.
Neil is stopped by the traffic police behind me. I immediately stop a taxi and take it.
I will not go back to Neil again.
I call the editor in the car and the editor is surprised.
“I want to be assigned to be a reporter for the battlefield,” I say.
Previously, the magazine office has planned to send journalists to the battlefield, but there is no suitable person, and it is too dangerous. Terrorists are rampant and kill many reporters and hostages.
The editor-in-chief freezes, and she thinks for a while and says, “It’s too dangerous. You have to think about it. It’s not a joke.”
“I’m ready, let me go,” I say firmly.
The editor is meditating, “I know you have gone through many things recently, but you are responsible for yourself, don’t be impulsive.”
“No, I just want to go through it.” This is false.
“Have you discussed this with your family? How many of our colleagues died? Don’t you know? Don’t you think about it for a while?” The editor still advises me.
I look out the window and smile slightly, “I have made up my mind.”
In the end, the editor has to agree, “I’ll arrange it for you as soon as possible.”
Going to be a field reporter, the result is no one knows if I will be alive or dead. I think if there is something that can’t be solved, then leave it to God.
If I can come back alive, then God must have pity on me and gives me a chance to live, then I will not compromise and spend my life. I want to be myself and live with the person I love.
If I die, it proves that my love is wrong, and James and I are also wrong, then death is my punishment.