James must have found me and he recognizes me. I am so desperate at this moment, and I seem to hear his footsteps.
“I’m going to the bathroom.” I hurriedly say something, and pick up the skirt and go out crazily.
What would I do if James finds me at this time? Unprecedented embarrassment is rumbling in my head, I don’t know what to do.
I hide like a headless fly. I don’t know who I bump into. They all look at me with strange eyes. I find that I couldn’t find where the toilet is.
Everyone is smiling decently and talking, only my face shows a kind of anxiety.
I rush out of the ballroom and stand in the hallway around the corner, my hands shaking.
James, you don’t have to find me, but the gaze behind me is so hot that I feel scared.
Footsteps come from behind me, and I am standing against the wall, afraid to move.
However, it is really James.
“Why are you here? I thought I made a mistake.” James looks at me inconceivably, “I know you are talking about this party, and we come together.”
He reaches out to touch my face, and I avoid it awkwardly.
James frowns, “What happens?”
I always feel uncomfortable in front of him because I am a liar. I can’t forgive myself, I cheat him again and again, but can he understand my pain, James?
I don’t expect him to understand me. I just ask him not to hate me. The shackles on my body are too heavy, and he is my most lethal one.
“I, I can’t, I…” I don’t even dare to look into his eyes, stammer to find a reason to fool him.
James looks around, and his eyes are alert, “You mix in, do you want to investigate something?”
“Oh, yes.” I can only say so.
At the same time, I am relieved. But my guilt is getting heavier, how did I get here?
Fortunately, there are seldom people around, I’m glad.
James sees that my eyes are gentle and approaches me and says, “Would you like to go in with me? I will introduce my friends to you.”
But in an instant I exclaim, “No!”
“What’s wrong?” James grabs my waist and gently coaxes me, “It’s all right, no one here dares to touch you.”
“No, it is just inconvenient. You can introduce me to them in the future.” I am panicked and look at him, then gently push away James, “I’ll go first.”
“I’ll send you.” James follows.
I hurried forward. I pass by a small park, as long as I walk over and I can be relieved.
“Carolina! What have you done? Come here.” Suddenly, I am standing as if I had been struck by thunder.
Carolina is my real name, Carol is the name I use in the magazine, and James doesn’t know that my name is Carolina, and Neil is standing not far from away calling my name.
Suddenly my strength seems to be taken away. I don’t dare look back. I am afraid to see James’s expression at this moment.
“Carolina?” James murmurs behind me, “Funny, Carol, or Carolina.”
“What are you doing there? Hurry up! I am waiting to introduce you to someone!” Neil is already impatient and turns away from the crowd and walks towards me.
I don’t know what is in my heart, or I suddenly find courage, I pull James and run.
But James stands still, his eyes are cold, and I am afraid.
“Follow me, please!” I beg him.
I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t want to lose face in public, nor do I want James to lose face in the public. To know that the girlfriend he just made is actually another’s wife is like a joke.
How can a man like him be able to endure it?
James’s eyes fluctuated, and then he pulls me and runs out.
I follow him horribly, not knowing what Neil behind me thinks of me. Maybe he knows it.
I cheat Neil and fall in love with James.
James is driving fast. I pull on my seat belt hard and couldn’t say anything.
“Well, what the hell is going on, what else do you hide from me? Is it just a simple name? Who is that man?” Before the car stops, James speaks, holding the steering wheel hard in his hand, and doesn’t at me.
“My name is Carolina. Carol is my pen name in the newspaper office.
I fasten my seat belt, and my heart is getting more and more nervous, and I don’t know how I would explain next.
I glance at James, he pouts his mouth and doesn’t speak.
It seems that in this small space, I can feel his anger.
“What about that man? Who is he? Don’t you say that you come here to work? Is he your colleague? I don’t so.” James gently twitches his lips, “Carolina, I really don’t understand you.”
What should I say, to tell him I married a man I don’t love at all, a man who can be my father, he forces me to have a child of other man’s, and then I find him?.
I can’t say.
“Do you want to listen? I can tell you, but James, you have to be mentally prepared. I may not be the one you thought. Each of us has a secret, and mine is very uncomfortable.” Maybe it is because of the frustration. I’m not afraid of anything now. Isn’t the worst end to losing him?
“Carolina! You liar!”
Without any time, James suddenly suppresses his voice and shouts softly, with a painful and injured voice.
His eyes are red and he grits his teeth and looks at me.
“James, as long as you want to know, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.” I have lost all hope, my heart is hurting, but I pretend that I don’t care about anything.
“Don’t tell me! Please don’t tell me!” These words, James pokes them out very hard.
The road in front of me is dark, and I look at it indifferently, hearing James’s words for a moment.
I look over, and from his eyes I seem to see his regression.
“Is this the only way to keep you? Can you stay with me?” James hugs me gently, the painful voice suppressed, “But there will always be a day when you will truly belong to me.”
He says determinedly.
These words make me suddenly fall into a swamp. I couldn’t breathe and see the sun.
Maybe he guesses it, or maybe he is just afraid to hear the truth from my mouth.
I hug him strongly as if holding my world.
James kisses me like crazy man, completely different from the kind of tender kisses in the past. Like venting his anger, he deliberately hurts me, presses me, and tortures my lips with teeth.
But it is very refreshing. I enthusiastically respond to him and want more.
I hold his face to kiss his eyes, his nose, his chin, and bite on his throat.
He says, “Carolina…”
His eyes look down at me, full of lust.
There is only our gasp and depressed moans in the car.
We can see each other from the eyes of each other, the eyes containing love.
“Carolina, I will die on you sooner or later.” James smiles bitterly. What an incredible man he is, he would say such a thing.
I am close to his body and do nothing. I like this time, we are frankly facing each other, without any restraints, I can clearly sense the temperature of his body, the undulations of his chest. The small friction between the skin causes my limbs to tremble.
“James, when we are all ready. I will tell you all.” I hold his face and look into his eyes, eyes opposite, I hope I can see the hope I want.
James is laughing. There are fine smiles in his eyes, kisses the corner of my mouth, and says, “OK, I’ll wait for you.”
He is willing to listen to my previous story, does it mean he is willing to accept me? Accept my deception and helplessness.
My tearful eyes gaze at him, unwilling to shed tears, I think I am the happiest person in the world.
“James, thank you, thank you.” I squeeze his neck and kiss him strongly.
We are naked, hugging, kissing, and then deeply entering each other’s lives.