Jane
“Jane,” a voice called my name, redirecting my attention and diverting me from my thoughts.
“Jane,” he called again, this time placing his hand on top of my hand, squeezing it gently. I glimpsed up my eyes, looking at the eyes of the person who called my name a moment ago.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded my head lightly, hiding my damp eyes from him. “I’m good, Brandon.”
I lied. Brandon has so many troubles in his life already. I don’t want to add more to my dilemma, so for now, I try to hide my dilemma with a fake smile on my face.
Brandon took a leave from the hospital even after being so sick, just so he can spend a day with his family with no worries and, I don’t want to ruin it for him. I’m lucky enough to spend time with my family too, and happy enough to spend time with them while it lasts. Brandon gave me the support and courage to live again even after losing every hope in my life, and Brandon is too in the process of leaving me alone in life, like everyone else.
Sunsets as the gloom enshrouded the sky with its darkness.
Brandon spends all his time with the kids. Even though, for all this time, he has stayed in bed resting his body. But it doesn’t bother him as he can spend his time with his loved ones.
Many people from our neighborhood came to visit us, meet Brandon and ask about his well-being. It’s lovely to see how many people care about Brandon and his well-being.
“Daddy, does it hurt?” Marlene asked as she pointed her finger to the IV that connected to Brandon’s hand.
“No, my baby, it doesn’t hurt,” Brandon replied, holding a meager smile on his face.
“Really, Daddy?” asked Liam, who was lying on the left side of Brandon on the bed.
“Really?” Brandon said, caressing Liam’s hair with his free hand.
Seeing Brandon and Liam’s inseparable bond and relationship like this makes my heart swell with all kinds of emotions in it. Liam never spent a day in his life without Brandon in it. From the day he first breathed in this world till now, Brandon was always there for him, supporting him, and encouraging him like a father. Brandon was the first person to hold Liam in his arms, the first time after birth, even before me.
That is something that worries me a lot. Without Brandon, the family would be broken and Liam, who is just five, I don’t even know how he would react to something so traumatic in his life. And there is Marlene too. She is older than Liam but is still a child. How would life be if Brandon left us? Who will soothe her, cheer her up with silly jokes? For Marlene and Liam, Brandon is far more important than me, and just looking at their faces makes me foresee the future and anything that goes wrong with Brandon.
I shook my head gently, forgoing all the negative thoughts in my mind. For now, Brandon’s having successful surgery is far more important than anything else. The surgery is about to take place in a week or so. I can hope and pray it will be a successful one with no complications.
For now, I want to forget all my worries and spend my time with Brandon and the kids while he is here at home with us. You never know how long happiness can linger and turn into miseries of a lifetime. And nobody knows it better than me itself.
“Are they asleep?” I asked, looking at both the kids who were leaning on either side of Brandon’s chest. “Let me put them on the bed,” Brandon nodded, resting his head on the headboard.
I carried both the kids one at a time, tugging them to sleep on their beds. I then went to check on Brandon. “You okay?”
“Yes, can you just pass me the glass of water?”
“Sure,” I said.
Brandon gulped an enormous amount of water as he asked me to sit beside him.
“You need something else.” Brandon shook his head at my question.
“Just you by my side,” he replied, holding my hand in his. “You know, Jane, this could be my last day of life that I’m spending with you and my kids. I don’t know what will happen after this..,”
“NO.., why are you being so negative?” I said, squeezing his hand gently. “This is not your last day.”
“I hope so…” he replied with a sad smile on his face. “But if it is…,” Brandon sighed. “Then, Jane, I don’t want to hide anything from you. You’ve always been so honest about your past, and your struggles, and I, on the other hand, shared nothing about my life or my past with you. But today I will…”
I nodded, “Brandon, if that’s what you want, then I won’t stop you, but do you really want to do this?”
“Yes, I don’t want to hide anything from you… I know it’s late, but I want you to know the real me for once.”
I don’t really know what to say, but if that’s what he wants, then I’ll listen to him with all ears.
“I was ten when dad left mom for someone else. I can still remember their fighting on the night when my father left home without even looking back and it was the last time that I ever saw him and that was the day all my hopes and dreams of a happy family died. Do you know how children growing up see their parents loving and caring for each other? They build their future by placing themselves in their parents’ way, hoping that one day they will have a happily ever after like their parents. That didn’t happen to me.” He sighed. “I never trusted in love or hoped to have a family. In my mind, I thought family makes one person weak, they bind them in a bad way, and that’s why I became the person I was. I started hiding. I don’t want anyone to see me vulnerable.”
I can understand what Brandon’s talking about. Most children have been through the same trauma, but I can never understand the trauma itself. I’ve always been surrounded by people that loved each other. My parents were a great example for me, and I’ve always seen them together, even when they fight, one will always come to apologize and resolve the conflict that’s between them. I was grateful, but not everyone is like me. Some are like Brandon.
“I was the person who never cared for anyone but me,” Brandon said sadly.
I know what he is trying to say, but the Brandon he is talking about is very alien to me. I have never seen Brandon like he was in his past.
“Nothing would have changed if Marlene hadn’t come into my life. She was one of the best things that happened in my life, and I thank Marian for giving her to me.”
“What happened to Marian?” I asked.