Today is the day when Daniel allowed Brandon a day’s leave from the hospital before his surgery. But Brandon has to follow some strict guidelines which Daniel gave for Brandon to follow.
“Are we there yet?” Brandon said for the fifth time now.
“Brandon,” I said with my voice rumbling. Brandon just giggled at my annoyance as he turned his face toward the window.
I continued driving the car as Brandon sat beside me, with his head resting on the seat and his eyes focused outside the window. He is excited about spending the whole day with his family. Well, I can’t blame him; I’m as guilty as Brandon and excited, too, to spend the day with my family. And I know, by the time we step out of the car, the two little apples of our eyes will come running fast, embracing their arms around our bodies.
“Jane, are we there?” Brandon asked, for the sixth time.
“Yes,”
“Finally,” said Brandon, beaming with a big smile.
I parked the car in our driveway and stepped out of it as I saw all our neighbors standing in front of the door with their faces beaming with big smiles as they looked at us. I helped Brandon by stepping out of the car and into a wheelchair since his body is too weak. The doctors suggest doing substantially less body movement, so they provided us with a wheelchair.
“Daddy,” shouted both Liam and Marlene on seeing us, running abruptly towards us.
“Hey, guys,” said Brandon warmly as he embraced both the kids in his arms.
Brandon looked at me after breaking the embrace from the kids, asking for my help soundlessly. Since Brandon is not allowed for heavy lifting, I did it for him; I picked both of them, settling their bottoms on each side of Brandon’s lap. Both the kids buried their heads in Brandon’s shoulder, hugging him like they haven’t seen Brandon for several years.
I can’t blame them for the way they reacted. Even as an adult now, I miss my father even after so many years because of the accident, but the memories of my loved one, my parents, and Jared still lie beneath my heart and I can never ever forget the moments I shared with them ever in my life. And compared to me, Liam and Marlene are kids. I can’t imagine what would happen to them if something happened to Brandon.
NO, everything will be alright. I assured myself as I shook the negative thoughts out of my mind.
“Mama,” Marlene called, redirecting my mind toward her. She opened one arm, calling me as her other arm wrapped around Brandon’s shoulder. I hesitated at first as I looked at Brandon. Seeing my eyes focused on him, Brandon smiled and nodded his head, as he too opened his arms and called me. This time I didn’t hesitate and wrapped my arms around my kids and Brandon, embracing their bodies tightly.
Upon embracing Brandon and the kids, my mind stung at a mere thought I neglected for so long.
All this time, I acted like a fool, crying over the loss of my loved ones, neglecting the people that were with me and alive, the people who cared about me like a treasure. Yet I was fool enough to neglect them all this time, not valuing their love towards me.
People come, people go, leaving us with the happy memories that they made with us together. Ask anyone you know what they will do when they die. Would they ask their loved ones to mourn over their death and never move on with their lives or would they want you to remember them with the happy memories that they made with you together and move on in their life, holding their memories in your hearts?
I was lucky enough to have someone to love, even after losing everything at once. But what I did is, I neglected everything and everyone’s love as I struck my mind and my heart in the past. Ignoring the future opened its arms to me and was providing me with the happiness that I once lost.
Ironic, I guess. But it’s true. And I’m a fool.
I remembered Jared’s last conversation with me before the accident and the last thing he promised me to fulfill. “If someday, I die anyhow, promise me you will move on and start a new life of your own with someone else, even though I will not be in your life with you but, I want you to live your life filled with laughter and joy with or without me.” All he wished for was my happiness, but I neglected his last wish with my selfishness. I don’t think he’ll be happy if he sees me now. Like everyone else, I disappointed him. I hope it’s not too late to move on with the memories of my loved ones in my heart.
I hope so.
But just for now, I want to forget about everything else. Today, Brandon got special permission and left the hospital even after being so sick. And that is why I need to forget all my worries for now and I had to focus on Brandon, to see that his day was nice and calm. And, he can spend all his time while he is home with the kids.
“Hey,” Brandon whispered to my ears. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I replied, frowning with my voice a mere whisper.
“Then why have you been so zoned out?” Brandon asked, looking at me with his quill face.
“No,” I replied, swiftly hiding from his glance.
“Jane,” Brandon called my name with his voice growling. “Don’t lie. Rachel called you three times, but you paid no attention to her. What happened to you, Jane? Tell me.” Brandon placed his hand lightly over my hand, attempting to assure me. Both our eyes met each other right at the moment when our hands touched, and the sincerity on Brandon’s face shows his emotions clearly through his eyes.
Over five years passed and, for the first time, I have seen the sincerity in Brandon’s eyes. I don’t know, but maybe Brandon is finally opening up from his shell, like me, knowing that ‘Hiding one’s pain doesn’t make you heal, but more vulnerable than you can ever realize.’
And that’s something I learned not by myself but from Brandon. He was always there for me, at times when I needed him the most, but today, when he needs my care and support, I can’t do anything. Other than standing beside him in every possible way.