Jane
“So, how is the food?” I asked as Brandon finished devouring all the food from his plate.
“Umm, Jane, it was tasty,” He said, licking his finger, whipping away that little soup that was left on it. “Fast learner, I must say, only in a week have you learned to cook such yummy food.” Brandon chuckled, finishing his words.
“Hahaha, very funny,” I said sternly, picking up the plates. “You know I can’t cook, and don’t act smart, okay? You know very well who cooked the food.”
“I know,” he said, beaming. “But you also know. I can’t stop myself from teasing you,” he laughed loudly. But suddenly, Brandon’s laughter stopped as he started coughing loudly.
“Brandon, you okay?” I said, rubbing his back with my hands as I quickly passed a glass of water into his hand to drink. “Here, rest now,” I helped him as he laid his body on his bed.
“Jane …”
“Brandon, rest. Your body needs it and no more playing around,” I said with my solemn voice.
Brandon nodded his head at my words as he lay down comfortably on his bed. His eyes stared at me as I packed the leftover food and dishes that I brought for Brandon.
Nearly a week has passed since Brandon stayed at the hospital. And within the next two to three weeks, Dr. Daniel is considering doing Brandon’s brain surgery. Brandon’s body needs some time to get ready for the surgery, both physically and mentally. Even before the surgery, Brandon should not drink or eat for 8 to 12 hours before the procedure. Other than that, we all know about the complications of the surgery.
“Jane,” Brandon called, diverting me from my thoughts.
“Hm…,” I hummed at his words, turning my face towards him as my eyes stared at his profile.
“How are the kids?”
“They are good; they miss you a lot,” I said with my voice more like a whisper.
“Me too,” Brandon mumbled.
We both went silent; no one spoke a word. Both our eyes focused on each other, staring. Even without words, Brandon’s eyes distinctly showed his thoughts through his eyes. He is worried, and the crease on his forehead clearly shows it. Brandon is scared. He doesn’t mention it. But I know he is concerned about us and himself, thinking about what the future holds for him.
“Can I come in?” a voice called to us from the doorway. I turned my face to see Dr. Daniel enter the room with a genuine smile on his face.
“Please, doctor,” said Brandon,
“So how are you, Brandon?” Dr. Daniel asked as he did Brandon’s routine check-up.
“I’m good,”
“No, headaches today,” Brandon shook his head at Daniel’s words. “Good,” said Daniel, checking Brandon’s pulse.
I stood silently alongside Brandon, observing them, as Daniel did his check-up on Brandon.
“Daniel, can I ask for a favor from you,” Brandon said as Daniel finished.
“Yes, sure, Dr. Marshall.”
“Daniel, can I take leave from the hospital tomorrow?” Brandon asked.
“Brandon…..” Dr. Daniel said and paused, staring at Brandon with anxious eyes. “You know about your situation, and as your doctor. I can’t allow something like that__ your health is in a very critical stage right now. You’re a doctor too, and I hope you can understand. But… sorry I can’t say yes to something like that.”
“I know….., but my family, my kids are more important to me than my life itself,”
“I understand, but…..,”
“Please, Daniel, one day is all I need,” said Brandon, staring into my eyes. “One day, so I can spend some quality time with my kids, my family, my wife,”
Daniel sighed at Brandon’s words, “For just one day,” Daniel said, pressing his hand over Brandon’s shoulder. “But take care, and in any case, call me directly or immediately come to the hospital.”
“Yes, sir,” Brandon said, laughing as he embraced Daniel in a friendly hug. “Thank you, Thank you so much,”
“But… I have to check on you first, and only after my approval can you leave,” Daniel said sternly this time.
“Sure,” replied Brandon, holding a big smile on his face.
Daniel left after a few moments, leaving Brandon and me alone.
“Brandon, you know it’s not safe for you to leave the hospital,” I said, out of concern.
“Not you too, Jane,” Brandon responded. “I appreciate your concern, but you have to understand me, Jane. You know how you, my kids, are crucial in my life. And before the surgery, I want to spend a day with no worries. Even if I die after that, I have no regrets in my life.”
Death. This same conversation about death I had with Jared five years back. And he left me without even a goodbye or giving me a last glance at his cheerful face. Now the same type of conversation I’m having with Brandon, whose life is hanging itself from a thin rope.
Time is repeating itself again. Last time it was without my knowledge and this time with my knowledge, but one thing that remained the same is me because, just like earlier, I’m helpless. Watching my loved ones die in front of my eyes like a typical human being, who can stand and watch, but has no power to save someone they love.
Wait, did I just mention love? I can’t love Brandon.
I mean, I don’t love Brandon.
I love Jared, and he is the only one that I love. WTF, what is happening in my mind? Never had a thought like this appeared in my mind. Brandon is a friend, my only friend, and it’s not good for me to think that something about him is like this and ruin our friendship.
Why is it happening now? Why?
No, I can’t love Brandon. I won’t love him.