From the day I left university I know I wanted to be a blogger. It was what I was constantly thinking about as I loved writing and also taking pictures. I enjoyed the response I got my readers who honestly loved what I wrote about.
Now its took a nasty turn. I’ve been with Lorenzo for about 5 months now and it’s been amazing, the moments when I can spend it with him and also his family that is.
What I’m not loving though is the attention I’m getting because of it. My blog still manages to be successful but people are more interested in my personal life and my relationship with him. I’m losing sight of my personal goals.
I don’t want to be one of those women who basically follow their partner wherever they go. What’s that show called?
Oh, right wags, I need to focus on myself without being forced to follow every step Renzo takes.
Currently its 9pm on a Friday night and I’m speaking to a police officer since my place was being ambushed by a bunch of crazy fan girls and guys forcing me to be locked in my lounge with no lights on.
Renzo is in Germany this week and he was already stressed of work so I didn’t want to call him.
The police just forced the kids out of my property and told me to be careful. They couldn’t exactly do anything really.
This is not the life I wanted. I want a simple life and that’s why I turned to blogging it wasn’t a job that I hated, it didn’t even feel like a job if I’m being honest it was just something that I loved to do and I was also able to pay my bills.
I admire how Loretta was able to do it, she fits the lifestyle perfectly.
Renzo is way too busy and I haven’t had the chance to really talk to him how I feel. His world is just so fast paced and full of events, parties and big gatherings that are just toxic for me. I’ve started to doubt myself.
I was never conscious about my looks ever until now when every single outfit of mine is judged.
“you have to speak to him about this” Rachel says, she’s currently sitting here with me as the police leave my home. I really want to but what would he say.
“I’ve tried to in the past but he just doesn’t get it, he loves him life and now I’m kind of dragging him down” if only I could be honestly happy with the life he lives but in reality, I am not.
Over the months we haven’t really been spending much time together. We keep getting offers for interviews and I’ve had a few on my own. I don’t mind it as much but the fact that I’m always asked about my relationship with Renzo instead of my own life and career.
As soon as the kids were gone we could finally turn some lights on and watch some Netflix.
“Honestly Tina, talk to him otherwise its just going to get worse ,” she tells me as she grabs her phone from the table to find us a movie.
we decided to have a girl’s night in tonight. Natasha is busy so she couldn’t come over which is fine there’s always next time.
I leant my head against the sofa thinking about how I was going to do this.
We decided on watching an action movie. “I hate this one, why does Samuel L Jackson have to be a bad guy” I just laugh only Rachel would think that she loves her movies way too much.
“Rach it’s not real he’s not really this horrible” I try to soothe her aching pain for Jackson. Clearly doesn’t work.
“I heard somewhere he’s a vegan, I’m really hoping this isn’t true” she sighs. Another pain for her since she loves chicken and a good roast dinner.
And that’s how we ended up ordering in pizza and chicken to the apartment. It really didn’t take that much convincing. We both love to eat.
After tonight I soon realised how much id missed spending time with my friends. Lorenzo and my work have been taking up a lot of time.
“do what makes you happy Tina, don’t force yourself to be with him” Rachel says as she gets ready to leave. She had work today and also said she needed to do some errands.
“ill figure it out” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her in a hug. Rachel was a good friend she was nice but also honest which helped me a lot.
I decided that I needed some motherly advice and since I can’t talk to my mum, well not get a reply at least I texted my aunt. She lives in America but I have an interview over there so I tied to organise if I could stay with her.
Oh Tini of course, it’s about time you visited me and the kids
Her reply made me smile, I knew that she really wanted me to come visits her but I used to find it hard to be around her since she reminded me of my mum. I think I’m old enough now to just appreciate the family I do have.
Can Michael pick me up from the airport tomorrow?
I texted back. Michael was her husband. 20 years and they’re still going strong, it was very admirable and don’t even get me started on little Caleb. The last time I saw him was when he was about 5 months old.
Cutest baby ever.
Since I haven’t seen them in 3 years he will be at the toddler age now which is the perfect age. I do think that its about time he really started to know his only cousin.
Sure, just text me the time and he will pick you up, can’t wait to see you baby girl x
My heart melted at that message. What i’d do to be wrapped up in her arms at this moment. Once I figured out my plans and texted Renzo telling him I would be home for about a week. I also began to pack a bag.
I packed some clothes and the necessary things including my camera. I planned to do some vlogging on the way there this was a good opportunity for me.
Renzo – okay, why are you going there again?
I rolled my eyes. I never actually told him but just shows how much he actually remembers, I get it he is busy that’s understandable.
Interview and I’m going to see my aunt for a few days
I placed my phone back on the table and carried on packing I knew I should do this now before I get too tired later today. My flight was at 1pm tomorrow and would take about 9 hours.
The rest of today I spent writing up my most recent blog and answering emails with a cheeky fajita dinner that I was honestly so proud of.
Pinterest has been such a life saviour. One thing I know is that when I get to aunts she will probably have plenty of amazing food that I can dig into. One thing that her and mum shared.
Renzo called me before I could fall asleep. He seemed to be out somewhere I could hear people in the background. I tried not to get pissed off but that was just the mood I was currently in at the minute.
He literally asked if I was okay since obviously I sounded off then I told him that we needed to talk and only touched on how I was actually feeling. The response I got was not something I expected. He brushed my feelings off like nothing.
I struggled to believe that this was the same guy that prepared a bath for me and took care of me that night, that sweet guy isn’t anywhere right now and I’m starting to doubt him.
You could say that I had hard time sleeping but I tried to keep optimistic and also, I was excited to see my family tomorrow even if it was only for a few days but I would make sure I enjoy every moment and keep my parents with me.
I kissed the last photo I had of them on my phone and let sleep take me.
Waking up the following morning I felt good, better than I did last night for sure. Probably down to the fact I dreamt about my parents. The memory of s three at the London eye when I was younger.
My parents were travellers and they made sure that even if they had a little toddler to take care of, that they took me with them and were not being held back. They loved me with every bine in their body.
I also think that since this was one of the first dreams of them I’ve had in the last few years. That they were silently thanking me for arranging to see the family in Florida. Anything for the family, for them.
I took a long bath, making sure I shaved my legs as well since I knew Florida would be warm and id probably show off my legs because you know I can.
After that I made myself a nice English breakfast since I would be travelling a lot today and I would need all that energy when I meet everyone, especially the kids.
Looking at the time it was already 11 o’clock so I decided to pack my things into the car and made sure to get some petrol on the way there. I would need to travel about 30 minutes to get to Heathrow and check in and everything.
Arriving at the airport I was surprised that it wasn’t too busy, well not my flight. A football team was travelling today so there were cameras here trying to spot them. I disguised myself with my hair pinned back in a pony tail.
Sunglasses covering my eyes and a very casual outfit. Nothing that would make me stand out.
One of the air hostesses grinned at me when I finally sat down in my seat, relieved to have made it there safely without being noticed. I asked her if I could film on this flight and luckily, I was allowed to.
9 hours to go I made myself comfortable in my seat and watched about three movies in my time on this flight. I slept throughout the last one, but I didn’t mind I had already seen this movie before.
“we are now landing in Florida, thank you for flying with virgin Atlantic and we hope you have a lovely day” once the seatbelt light was back on we all got ready for landing. I made funny faces at the child who was seated next to me.
She looked really nervous but at that age I would be too. I took her hand in mine and gave her a comforting squeeze. Her body relaxed as soon as the plane landed and we were riding down the runway.
“thank you for that, this is her first time on a plane,” the father says noticing how we were holding hands. I smile down at her.
“no problem, I remember my first time, think I was crying so she did amazing” I laugh with him. I honestly was so fucking scared my dad had to carry me out the airport.
We all fled out and made our way through security. I placed my jacket back on and grabbed my suitcase. It was only a hand carry so I didn’t have to wait too long.
I walked out and tried to spot my uncle in the crowd. I saw people walking up to their families, its honestly so cute when they have reunions.
When it cleared up a little bit I could actually see, instead of trying to peak over people’s heads. My eyes quickly spotted my uncle. He stood tall near the back a smile on his face when I looked down I noticed that he had his arms wrapped around someone’s waist.
“Mary” I whispered. She hasn’t changed a bit. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her back and she wore a summer dress with her converses on.
I started to make my way over and luckily, she spotted me too and met me halfway. When I reached her I quickly dropped my bags and let her wrap her arms around me.
I immediately felt a warming sensation in my chest and placed my face against her shoulder.
“I’ve missed you baby girl” she mutters. I could sense that she was going to cry and that made me tear up. No words could describe the way I was feeling right now. I cried even more when my uncle joined us.
I finally released her and stood back. “My god you’re beautiful, you’re so tall,” Mary says holding onto my arms as Michael, my uncle wiped away her tears.
“dad’s genes,” I say laughing. My mum wasn’t very tall but dad was they hoped that I wouldn’t be like mum.
“oh yeah definitely” Michael chuckled as he placed his hand on my shoulder.
I went to bend own and grab my bag when I suddenly heard the cutest voice ever. “mama, Papa “. My bag slipped and I was suddenly staring at the cutest little guy. He was wearing a cute jeans and hoodie combo and had blonde wavy locks just like his mother.
Oh god. Yeah, I’m just going to melt right here.
“Caleb my boy,” Michael says lifting him up to sit on his hip. I couldn’t contain my excitement I rushed forward and held his tiny fingers in mine. He gazed at me curiously his eyes moving from mine to his dads.
Dang it, he doesn’t remember me.
“Caleb you remember your cousin Tina, yes,” Mary says walking up to us. I tried not to get too offended but he was very young so I just had to be patient.
Quickly I grabbed my phone from my jeans pocket and scrolled down my pictures. I tapped on the picture quickly and shoved it into his face.
It was a picture of me and mini Caleb. His eyes staring at the camera as I held him in my arms. He was gripping tightly on my thumb not wanting to let me go.
His eyes widened to saucers and instantly he was wriggling in his dads arms desperate to get away. I laughed when his tiny arms reached out to me. If I didn’t feel loved before, I fucking do now.
“Lebs I missed you, “I said pulling him into my chest. it warmed my heart when he wrapped his arms around my neck his laughter filling my ears.