“It’s not your fault.” Hope whispered out as she watched his eyes lock at the ground instead. He wasn’t crying, instead, he had a very deep sad expression that quickly changed to confusion as he batted his eyes, trying to drive away the sleep once more. “There was no way escaping it.”
“Yeah, even if you try to say things like that, it’s still my fault.” He chuckled out, glancing up at him. “I pretended to be fine for a while, mostly because I thought I felt her still walking around me as always. Then when it hit me that she’s actually gone was after a long time. I kept imagining her that when my parents had to stop me from hallucinating, I got really… I don’t know… I felt like I lost a part of me. But I remained the way I was not to worry everyone. I pretended to be alright. I haven’t gotten used to it right now. I keep thinking about her…” He sighed out and glanced up at Hope. “I’m annoying to you like she was to me. It might not have any effect on you as it did to me, but I might killed or die sooner or later and even though this ridiculously annoying, you’ll still think back and say…. ‘There was this annoying man… Harley, he followed me everywhere… Never supported me and’…. You know, not that I’m saying this I don’t think you’d want to remember-”
“Why are you saying all this?” Hope asked, clenching her fists as she glared at him. Feeling her throat ache from just his words alone. “Why are you saying all this as though you’re going to die soon!?”
“I telling you because I have nothing else to say…” He frowned, staring at her. “I don’t know what to say okay?” He sighed out and licked his dry bottom lip. “I… I didn’t think I’d ever be in this situation so I don’t know how to react!” She stepped back, staring at him in bewilderment as he frowned at her. “I didn’t know I never… I mean.. Gosh… What am I trying to say?.. Ok… I mean I didn’t know you felt that way about me. That you felt I wasn’t supportive, I wasn’t being a great friend, that I was holding you back. I didn’t know. If I did, I would have probably tried to find something else to do other than follow you around all the time.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you… I thought you might leave…” She frowned as she laced her fingers together. “I was scared you’d disappear.”
He stared at her for a moment, watching her sorrowful expression as she stared at him with furrowed brows.
“Back there you seemed as though being in love with someone came first.” He said out in a low tone as he pressed his lips together.
“I mean… It kind of is…” She chuckled out lowly. “I’d really like if you really supported me on that…”
“I never will.” He said in a mummer as he clenched his fists. “I don’t care if the guy is all high and mighty or he’s charming and all that. I’ll give you my support on that. At least now you know.” He sighed out heavily. “Maybe now you can decide if you want me around or not.”
“But… Why won’t you…?” She asked with a deep frown as she glanced at him. “I thought… I thought we were best friends?” She asked as he glanced towards the ground, clenching his fingers around the bottle tightly. “I support you with your thoughts on some woman you think you’d like. I mean… I support you with the girl you want to marry-”
“There isn’t any girl. Who on earth are you even talking about!?” He asked in near anger. “You can’t expect to support someone you love in finding someone else! It never works!” He hissed out as he glared at her.
She stepped back at his words, feeling her cheeks suddenly warm up as she gasped in complete shock. She stared at him as he eased his shoulders and glanced down at the ground with a deep frown.
“You always saw me as your best friend. I don’t blame you. We are. Or we were… I don’t know. But at the same time I always saw you as a woman and could only be with you in my mind. I didn’t realise it at first but I actually fell in love with you… I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you didn’t feel the same way. You don’t. I thought it would tear us apart and that you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore when you constantly think about it.” He bit his lower lip as he stood for a moment. “But since it’s broken now. Why can’t I just tell you… I’m selfish, like you said, I accept that… Even though I love you, I don’t love you enough to help you fall in love with someone else. I don’t know if that makes sense. But I think it does…”
She lowered her gaze to the ground, unsure of what she should even say at this point. It was a complete shock for her. Either he was saying it through the alcohol or not, she knew he meant every word.
“Plus I was worried of people would look at me in the wrong way if I decided to tell you.” He shrugged his shoulders. “But Penelope seemed to try to encourage me to say it. But I couldn’t and also pretended to her that I didn’t. But she somehow sees through me. I was probably never going to tell you.” He chuckled as he glanced up at her. “I was just going to watch you fall in love with someone else and pretend I’m somehow okay. But I guess my actions were different from what I wanted. But then earlier… Outside the gate… You blushed at me for the first time and I… Really got excited I guess… I mean… If you blushed then you must have felt something right? Even though it was just for a short time before you were chanted by Ace.”
Hope pressed her lips together, hesitating to say anything or do anything. Still surprised.
“H-Harley… I-”
“You don’t need to say anything.” He smiled weakly at her as he walked towards her, getting her to suddenly feel uncomfortable. He stopped in front of her with a frown. Knowing she would be like this after telling her. “Like I said before, I know you don’t like me back. I’m not going to be angry. But now that I said it… I feel less weighted down. I can still be friends with you, if best friends is not an option now. But if you don’t want anything to do with me, I can just become your beta. Nothing more. I won’t be mad. I won’t even try to convince you to see me in any other way. I’m fine with either way.” He said before turning to the door and walking out, leaving Hope in the garden still mesmerized at it all.