I smirk. She’s got me. I am a grumpy ass. “How do you put up with me, Maria?” I ask.
“It is not without difficulty, sir.”
I chuckle.
She keeps fussing about. “Eliza is doing well in New York.”
I sit up. “What? How do you know?”
“I called her today. I needed her help with a program she installed for us on the computer.”
“Well,… w-wh… what did she say?” I stammer.
“That she is enjoying New York.” She keeps wiping my desk. “She asked how you were.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her that you were miserable.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because you are. Only you are too stupid to see it.”
“Get out of the way.” I swat her away from my desk. “I’m not paying you to give out your opinion, Maria, especially when it’s deluded. Stay out of my business.” She stops and puts her hands on her hips. “Look me in the eye and tell me you aren’t miserable, Nathan.”
“You know, some employers fire staff who overstep the line.” I huff.
She smirks and puts her hand on my shoulder as she walks past me. “Yes, sir.”
“Get out and stop patronising me.” I turn back to my computer.
Maria gets to the door and turns back. “Oh… and Dr. Mercer?”
“For God’s sake, woman, what is it?” I growl.
“Eliza is still single.”
My eyes hold hers, and I clench my jaw. “And why would I need to know that piece of information, Maria?”
She shrugs casually. “Just an observation, sir.”
I roll my eyes. “Unfucking-believable,” I mutter under my breath.
“Yes, I thought so, too. A woman as beautiful as Eliza? I was positive that she would have been snapped up by one of those hot businessmen by now.”
I point to the door. “Out! Or so help me God, woman.”
The door closes, and then she pokes her head back around. “Eat your cake.”
“Get out!”
She smiles and goes to say something else. I stand and storm to the door to close it on her face.
Fuck me. That woman is annoying.
* * *
It’s 1:00 a. m., and I find myself here again.
The Escape Club.
The place full of beautiful women where anything goes.
Even my memories disappear, if only for a short time. At least it’s a reprieve.
“Hello, sir.” The beautiful brunette smiles.
My eyes drop down her almost naked body and back up to her face. I feel the pulse in my cock as it comes alive with hunger.
“I’m Mahalia. How can we help you tonight?”
“I’d like a private room, please.” I hand over my membership card.
“Of course.” She smiles. “You know where to go?”
“Up the stairs and to the left.”
“Yes.” She rises up on her toes and kisses my ear. My hand goes to her behind, and I drag her over my cock.
“It’s good to see you again, sir,” she whispers.
I smirk as her hot breath dusts the skin on my neck.
There’s something so refreshingly freeing about fucking for fun.
I turn to walk up the stairs before I turn back to her. “Oh, and Mahalia?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I’d like two girls tonight. Brunettes.”
She smiles darkly. “Of course, sir.” She types something into her computer and then her eyes come back to mine. “Enjoy.”
The air buzzes between us.
“I always do.”
* * *
I stand under the shower with the hot water running over my head.
I exhale heavily and close my eyes in regret as I drag my hands down my face.
Here we go again.
The comedown after the high.
No matter when I fuck, who I fuck, or how hard I fuck, it always comes to a crashing halt.
I feel like shit for days.
Because it wasn’t her, and I cheated again.
Only I didn’t cheat because we aren’t together.
I just don’t know how to get my heart to understand that.
I rest my forehead against the hard, cold tiles. Regret runs through my soul.
Let me go, Eliza. Let me go.
Eliza
December
The table is full of laughter and chatter. I watch on as April talks to our grandfather. I’m so happy she could come home for the holidays. It’s Christmas day, and I am back in Florida. I should have really been working, but the thought of spending the holiday on my own was all too much.
This is my first Christmas alone. Normally, Nathan has come to my house or I have gone to his family’s.
This year, it’s different.
Nathan’s parents called me this morning to say Merry Christmas. They said they wished I was there. I wonder if they even know that we were together.
I never told them, and Nathan’s mom has visited me in New York twice for lunch and never once has Nathan been mentioned. I had to bite my tongue the entire time so I didn’t blurt out and tell her what a jackass her beloved son is.
Well, that’s not true. He’s not a jackass… just to me.
I’m doing a little better-feeling proud of myself for staying strong.
I got a promotion at work and am settling in more. I’ve met three really nice girls, and we have started hanging out and doing things. I even got asked on a date this week by a security guard at my building. I mean, I’m not going or anything, but it gives me hope, you know?
Maybe there is life after Nathan Mercer.
Surely a lesson that hurt that bad has to teach me something, and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?
I smile sadly as I sip my wine. I thought it was going to kill me for a while there.
I had an ache in my chest that just wouldn’t go away. It’s funny you know, I always thought that my grand love story was going to have a happy ending. Never once did I think that, once I fell in love with my soul mate, it wouldn’t work out.
I know that eventually I’ll meet someone else, but I can’t imagine ever loving someone as much as I loved Nathan. It’s like I’m grieving a death.
But it’s the death of who I thought I was-of who I thought my best friend was.
A death of all my hopes and dreams.
My phone dances on the table, and the name Henry lights up the screen. I smile and get up from the table.
Henry Morgan has surprised me. He’s kept in contact, and we’ve become friends. He’s called weekly to check in on me. He’s uncomplicated, refreshingly open, and I do enjoy talking to him.
“What do you want?” I answer with a smirk as I walk out onto the deck.
“Merry Christmas, old bag.”
I giggle. “Let me guess: you’re home alone, desperate and dateless.”
He chuckles. “Why else would I be calling you?”
“I thought as much.” I smile. “Merry Christmas, Henry.”
“Was Santa good to you?”
“Ha.” I laugh. “The old bastard forgot where I lived.”
“Yeah, me, too. I was hoping to wake up to a sack of hot Christmas fairies under my tree. The ones with two vaginas.”