The beat of Eminem’s loose yourself keeps blaring in Alpha Jax’s room. He just began listening to him. The first time he listened to loose yourself lyrics was in the county hotel. It got to him. Not like he could relate, considering he was born into wealth, but he enjoyed every thing Eminem said in his song. They were real. It’s different from some other songs that get played in the county hotel.
At the moment, the song is just being played. Alpha Jax is not listening to either the song or the rhythm. He is lost in his thoughts. Concerned about lot of things. Major ones is the recent development within his pack. How things have improved and how things have possibly degraded.
Alpha Jax presence in his courts are more appreciated now and they are able to get to particular discussions. Not argument. They discuss and enlighten each other now. His presence in the court room has changed a lot, and he likes that they respect him.
Another thing is the way at which he does things. His anger is calm. There is no consistent weakness and anger in him. No too much hatred like he used to. He does not notice such improvement within himself. And no one has told him. No one dare walk up to him and say Alpha Jax, you are changed. He notices just a few.
In the last three months since Alpha Jax agreed that Ava could marry anyone she wants, he has changed. The few things he notices, he denies them himself.
“No! It’s not possible. That’s not who I am. It’s not what I am and I cannot be like this,” he would mutter and convince himself whenever he does something strange to himself. Strange things to himself are usually things that does not affect others negatively. Things that are of good gestures.
There are some things that happens to him. The last time he saw one of his sex slave fall down and he offered a helping hand, she blushed and appreciated him.
“Thank you, My Alpha,” she said.
“Oh! It’s nothing,” he replied. It made him feel good. Even though she is a woman, he does not hate her. He did not growl at her or tell her how much of a peasant and clumsy she is.
“What’s wrong with me?” He asked himself later that night. Whenever such a thing happens and he feels contented at heart, he would take his potion and drink.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, good goddess. My rage is failing. My rage is diminishing in great amount. I can not feel the strength I use to have. The power surging through me. The ability to be decisive without listening to others. I can not feel the things that are supposed to make me feel like an Alpha. I need rage,” he begged the goddess while the loose yourself beat slowed down. It was about to start again when he stretched himself and paused the song. The sudden silence amidst his thoughts was like his head was being banged and it is stopped. The total silence hurt at first then all of a sudden, it feels like he is alone in the universe. His hears could hear everything happening around him. He could even hear the nearest sex slave breathing. He listened more if he could hear Ava’s breath, but immediately the thought of that came to him, he stopped himself.
“This is getting out of hand. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep loosing myself,” he complained. He went to his potion and poured it into a cup of water. He drank it yet he could not feel any drastic change. Even three months later, he does not feel the coldness he is supposed to feel in his heart. The tingling feeling of his chest constricting, he does not feel any of it again.
“My body must be immune to it now,” he thought. He closed his eyes.
“Rama! Are you there?” He called on his inner wolf. Rama and Alpha Jax are one. And so is it for every werewolf. They are one when it comes to survival and living. They can transform at any time. Both of them survive base on whatever the outer body lives on. It’s like the symbiotic relationship between a host and the symbiote. The wolf spirit and the human. But in the spiritual world, deep within the host, the human, they are different. Both of them exist in a plane. They share the same wavelength in communication. And Alpha Jax entered into the spiritual world, to have a conversation with his wolf.
“What is it?” Rama replied.
“Are you the one doing this?”
“Doing what?” Are you the one healing me and preventing the drugs from working.
“No! I can stop myself from healing but not with the dirty potion you take. It weakens me,” Rama replied.
“It doesn’t matter if it weakens you. As long as it does its job,” Alpha Jax snapped back at his wolf. His wolf did not reply. It doesn’t have enough will power to fight Jax in the spirit world. The potion is killing him. He complains to Alpha Jax but Alpha Jax would not do anything about it. And when the wolf began noticing differences in the potion effectiveness, it did not say anything to Alpha Jax.
Alpha Jax opened his eyes. He came back to his world. He knows there is no need seeking help elsewhere. Something is wrong and he has to fix it. Just does not know what is wrong and how to identify it.
“Hmmm!” Alpha Jax let out a heavy sigh.