AIR “Do me a favor and don’t go,” Gianna pleaded. We had been looking for new clothes for the party for almost two hours and my nausea was getting worse and worse. I knew Gianna and Lily were worried, but I couldn’t tell them. Luca was supposed to find out first, but how could that happen? I flipped through the display of clothes. ” If Luca had gone alone, there would have been doubts.” “Aria, please.” I cast a glance at my sister behind me. Something in her voice worried me.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Gianna approached me. “Matteo said Grace will be there.” My fingers on my dress tightened. “I thought she was in England.” “That’s right. She’s married to a rich English businessman, but she’s coming to the party.” I swallowed. “I can handle her.” Gianna grabbed my arm. “Aria, this is going to get ugly. Don’t go. Please.” I forced myself to smile. “Don’t worry about me.” I pulled out an elegant cream-colored floor-length dress, went into the dressing room and put it on. It was tight-fitting and had a low back. I scrutinized my belly. Was it obvious that I was pregnant? Gianna stuck her head in and I stiffened, but she just whistled. “Take this. You are breathtaking.
Let Luca see what he’s losing.” No skimpy dress was going to convince Luca to love me again. It didn’t work that way.
Sandro picked me and Gianna up from the mansion and drove us to New York, where we met Luca and Matteo in the garage of our apartment. Luca was wearing an elegant black suit, which emphasized his broad shoulders and narrow waist. He did not blink when he saw me in my suit. His face was stone and his eyes froze me inside with their coldness. Without saying a word, I climbed into the passenger seat of his car. We drove in silence to the Parkers’ townhouse. Before we got out, Luke turned back to me, but his eyes betrayed no warmth. “We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves, so we will behave in a civilized manner.”
He raised his eyebrows in a silent question, and I nodded. Luca got out and opened the door. I braced myself for what was to come, but the moment Luca’s palm touched my bare back, every muscle in my body revived with need and desire. Luca’s fingers stiffened against my skin and I looked up, but found his face completely blank. He led me toward home without a word or a glance. Gianna and Matteo were already there, drinking champagne and chatting. They seemed to be getting along again, or maybe they were being as civil in public as Luca and I were. Luca led me toward them and dropped his hand the moment we arrived. “I will get us something to drink.” He did not wait for my answer and left. Gianna cast a wrinkled look over his shoulder before turning an encouraging smile on me. I tried to smile back, but she frowned. She reached out and grabbed my arm. “Aria, don’t let him win. Don’t give him that power over you,” she whispered abruptly. I nodded and put on my public mask, head held high. Luke did not return, and when I scanned the room, I found him conversing with Senator Parker. That’s when I saw her. Grace Parker. All of her, beautiful and dressed in a tight jumpsuit that left little to the imagination. She was alone, no British husband in sight. I remembered when I had caught him with her, remembered the feeling of disappointment and pain, and I hadn’t even loved him then. Luke saw her at about the same time I had seen her, and his eyes did not leave her side. Was this how he wanted to punish me? “He wouldn’t dare,” Gianna hissed. Matthew’s answer came through the fog in my ears. ” He won’t.”
Grace approached Luca with a sexy smile, and Luca smiled smugly. I remembered that look from the pictures I had seen of him when he was a bachelor, as a man who knew what he had to offer and who accepted what women offered him. My stomach contracted so hard that nausea overwhelmed me. I spun on my heels and ran to the bathroom down the hall. I barely managed to close the door and get to the toilet before I vomited, gagging violently until there was nothing left in my stomach. Drops of sweat covered my forehead. I reached toward the flush with trembling fingers. Gianna’s soft knock resounded a few moments later. “Aria, let me in.” I turned to the mirror and touched my stomach. “Aria, please let me help you.” He couldn’t help me. This was a battle I had to fight alone because it was a fight against my heart. Luca’s words from weeks ago flashed through my mind: We’re done. Yes, he was done. LUCA Grace circled around me like a vulture. She had married an old asshole with millions in his bank account, but now she looked at me with her eyes as she had in the past. “Are you sick of your wife yet? I told you she couldn’t satisfy you.” “Don’t talk about her,” I said to warn her. She seemed to have forgotten my warning from last time. Matteo raised his eyebrows at me from across the room. I couldn’t see Aria or Gianna anywhere, and I was fucking delighted. Aria in that almost white dress, like a fucking apparition, a fucking angel. A weakness. “I’m not here to talk, don’t worry,” she purred. My eyes were drawn to her cleavage. “Then why are you here?” I asked with a curl of my lips. “To fuck.” She smiled. “Come on, Luca.” I followed her a few steps away, my eyes on her ass in that suit line. She led me into her old bedroom, a room I had fond memories of. Grace closed the door and turned to me, licking her red lips. “Oh, I’ve missed having your cock inside me, Luca,” she hummed as she moved closer to me and leaned down to kiss me. “No kissing,” I growled, giving her a furious look. She pouted but didn’t try again. I had never liked kissing her, now less than ever. Her long nails scratched my chest, then lower. I had to fight the urge to push her hand away. I still wasn’t hard, not even close. Her touch really disgusted me. An expression of confusion crossed her face, then a bold smile. “Playing hard to get?” “One of us has to,” I muttered, hating her and hating myself. She blushed but did not let my hardness deter her. She knelt down, making an innocent face. She looked fucking fake. And on me it had the opposite effect to what she intended. I remembered Aria’s innocent smiles, her innocent touches as I made her mine. Aria. Fuck. Always Aria. Then I remembered the last time she had taken me in her mouth , her perfect lips, her teasing. I loved how she had become more confident when it came to sex over the years. I loved her scent, her taste, her silky skin. Fuck. I fucking loved everything about her, still loved her. I loved every fucking inch of her, but especially her laugh and her smiles, and the way she looked at me with love and trust. I staggered back from Grace’s fingers on my zipper. She dropped her hand, squinting. “What now? Don’t tell me you can’t betray your holier-than-thou Aria.” I grabbed her arm in a death grip. “Don’t you dare insult her .
Don’t even speak her name.” I pushed her away from me, so fucking furious that I could barely control myself. Furious at myself for my weakness, for my useless feelings. Then I turned around and went back to the party. Matteo was at my side in the blink of an eye. “That was a quickie if I ever saw one.” His voice was strange but I didn’t have the patience to analyze his mood.
“I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t even let her suck my cock. Fuck .” What the fuck had I become? “Because of Aria.” I clenched my fists, wanting to destroy something, wanting to kill and maim. “I’m fucking weak,” I said softly. “Weak?” laughed Matteo. “Luca, you killed a clubhouse full of bikers, cut them to pieces, tortured our uncle for hours without batting an eye, and you wouldn’t feel an ounce of remorse if you killed every asshole in this room. You are not weak because of your feelings for Aria. Our father was a sadistic, crazy asshole.” “I’m like a neutered dog.” Matthew groaned, giving him a glare of lightning. “You know that Aria never betrayed you. That woman has always belonged and will always belong only to you, Luca.” “I know,” I growled. And fuck, I knew she had been faithful, not only because the photographer had confirmed her story, but also because Aria was not like that. She wasn’t going to cheat. I could tell right away, but I was still fucking pissed at her for going behind my back, and I was too fucking proud to apologize. “And apparently I can’t even cheat on her .” “She gave you a hand job.” If that was all it was. She had my cold heart in a relentless grip, and I couldn’t shake her off. My eyes scanned the crowd again, and I finally found Aria. Gianna was at her side, practically holding her up. Aria looked pale and then her eyes settled on me, and I realized that she had seen me leave with Grace. She straightened up and stared at me. This was it. My way of ridding myself of the weakness that made me an easy target for Dante.
“Apologize,” Matteo muttered. “For heaven’s sake, Luca, apologize to her.” “No,” I said firmly. “We’re done.” chapter 21 AIR I put on my thickest coat, a scarf and gloves before heading out onto the terrace and then down the slope toward the ‘water.
I watched the sun rise over the ocean, breathing in the cool air. I stood there for a long time when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned, expecting Gianna, but instead Matthew headed toward me, dressed only in sweatpants and a T-shirt despite the freezing temperatures.
He and I had not exchanged more than a few words in the past four weeks. I turned back to the water, not knowing if I wanted him to disturb this moment of near-peace. By now I rarely slept more than a few hours at night. But I owed him thanks. Matthew stopped beside me. “Thank you,” I said softly. “For finding the photographer even if in vain.” Four weeks, and slowly I was beginning to realize that it was over. That the love I had taken for granted, I would never experience again. “Three years ago you kept a secret from me,” Matteo said in a voice hoarse from sleep. “If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here today.” I turned to him and lifted my face. We had never talked about that day in the intervening years. “I did it for Luca,” I said because it was the truth and we both knew it. Just saying his name burned inside me. Matteo nodded, his brown eyes searched mine. “And I found that photographer for him too because he needs you.” I smiled sadly. “The last four weeks have proved you wrong.
Luca is living his life as he used to. He is free again, free to party and take women to bed.” God, those words made a hole in my chest and my throat tightened until I was sure I was choking. Until Sylvester I had harbored a glimmer of hope but it was over, it was over with hope for something that would never happen, it was over with constant pain. Matthew shook his head with a smirk. “He didn’t sleep with that bitch. He didn’t touch her, he didn’t do anything.” I raised my eyebrows. “Four weeks and Luca hasn’t fucked anyone, hasn’t touched a single woman, hasn’t had his dick sucked. If he was done with you, he’d have fucked half of New York by now, trust me. That cold-hearted bastard seems to have a heart after all, and it beats only for you. He’s just too stupid to show you.” I felt relieved, but part of me wasn’t sure it mattered that Luca was still faithful to me. Was there hope for us? For our love? Perhaps it was too broken. “Go to him,” Matteo said imploringly. “He’s too fucking proud.” I turned back to the ocean and said nothing. I would not go to Luca. I had tried at first, but he kept pushing me away even though he knew I hadn’t cheated. He had to take a small step toward me, show me that there was still hope for us. I had to protect not only myself, but also our child. “Luca wants you to see the doctor because of your weight loss.” “I didn’t think he noticed, after all, he doesn’t even look at me anymore.” Matthew frowned.
“Look, trust me.” He waited, then sighed. “Aria, can’t you just apologize to him, even if you don’t mean it? One of you has to take the first step.” “I’m going to get a tea,” I said, leaving him standing there. If Luke was worried, he could tell me himself, yet part of me couldn’t hold back the stupid relief that he still cared about my well-being. I went inside, happy with the warmth. The cold had helped with my nausea, but now that I was inside, it was back. After taking off my coat, scarf and gloves, I headed for our kitchen and turned on the electric kettle to make my tea. One of the maids had put the tea bags back on the top shelf, even though I took them off each time. It was driving me crazy. I grabbed a chair but hesitated; with my dizziness the risk of falling was too high. I let go of the chair, opened the shelf door and grabbed a spatula.
I stood up on tiptoe and tried to push the packet with the tea bags off the shelf with the spatula, but only succeeded in pushing it further back. A shadow fell over me and I recoiled in surprise, then froze. Luca reached into the shelf and grabbed the package, then set it down on the counter. His face was stony, but there was a hint of something in his eyes.
I looked away. “Thank you,” I said softly.
He said nothing, just nodded before going to the coffee machine. I allowed myself a moment to look at him . Like Matthew he was wearing black sweatpants, but he had not bothered to put on a shirt. I had never wanted to touch someone more than I wanted Luca now. I missed his closeness, his warmth. God, I missed his love. My eyes lingered on the tattoo on his shoulder.
I will go where you go, no matter how dark the path.
I turned quickly, swallowing hard, and made my tea, eager to get out of the kitchen as quickly as possible.
With my cup in one hand, I headed for the door when a new wave of nausea mixed with dizziness washed over me.
The cup left my hand, slamming into the floor, spilling hot tea onto my bare feet, but I barely registered the pain as my vision went black and I tried to reach across the table to hold myself up. The floor was rapidly approaching when strong arms wrapped around me, lifting me up, and my palms pressed against a warm chest. I inhaled, my forehead falling forward against the muscles. I inhaled deeply, a familiar scent, a scent of comfort and love. My vision slowly cleared.
“Air?”
The gentle tone I had missed so much. My heart seemed to heal and break at the same time.
I lifted my head and looked into Luca’s face. Concern.
Was there concern? He frowned. God, I loved that man .
As we stared at each other, I could practically see Luca’s mask put back on, a mask as impenetrable as steel.
Cold and hard. I must have imagined the worry. I took my hands off his chest and stepped back, shivering when I realized that my feet were slightly burned.
“They should be treated with burn ointment,” Luca said firmly. “I’ll call the doctor so he can take a look at you.”
I forced myself to step back resolutely even though my body was screaming to get closer, even though my heart was screaming louder for his nearness. “I don’t need him. I’m fine.”
I only need you.
Before I could utter these words, I knelt down and began to pick up the fragments. When I ventured to look up, Luca was looking at me with a look I could not decipher. He looked almost angry, but not quite. Suddenly he grabbed me, grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “Go.”
I stared at her. “I have to clean up. The maids won’t be back until tomorrow.”
Luca’s eyes burned into me. “Go.” And his voice trembled with…. anger? “Just go.”
I turned around and walked out.
A few days later I was curled up on the couch reading a book when Gianna joined me. She nodded toward my book.
“Is it good?”
I shrugged. I had a hard time concentrating on anything for a long time.
I had read the same page twice and still didn’t know what had happened. He held out a plate of cookies to me.
“I tried to bake.”
“You can’t cook.” Gianna was no more talented in the kitchen than I was. Lily was the only one who could cook anything remotely edible, but she was spending a few days with Romero’s family. Gianna, on the other hand, was always there, a constant shadow.
“Try them,” Gianna urged me.
I grabbed one and took a hesitant bite, but the smell of warm dough and chocolate turned my stomach. To think that before my pregnancy I used to love chocolate. I quickly swallowed the bite and then put the cookie back down.
“Aria, can you please stop starving?”
Gianna suddenly hissed.
I opened my eyes wide in surprise. “I’m not starving myself,” I said. “You see me eating.”
“Yes, and it’s not much, and I also see you going to the bathroom afterwards. Come on, Luca is not worth getting bulimia treatment.”
He was worth something.
“Do I look that bad?” I lowered my gaze. I had lost weight. My body was tapping into my reserves to make sure the baby could grow, and thankfully, it did.
After all, the doctor was pleased with its growth.
Gianna rolled her eyes. “You would make the runway models jealous.”
“Sure, except for the twenty-five centimeters I’m too small.”
“And then there are your clothes,” she said, pointing to my loose blouse. “It’s like you can’t stand to show your body anymore.”
I closed my eyes. “Did Luca say something?”
“I’m not on good terms with him, as you know.”
I knew. My family was falling apart and there was nothing I could do.
Apologize to Luca.
But I had already apologized, begged him not to destroy our love, and he had rejected me.
Gianna’s voice tore me from my thoughts.
“From what Matteo let slip, Luca is fucking worried. We all are , Aria. Why do you think Luca is suddenly spending half the week in the Hamptons? It’s because he wants to keep an eye on you. I don’t understand that asshole, but he obviously still cares about you in his own way.”
I clenched my fingers. I had noticed his increased presence, but I had not dared to hope it was my fault. I looked down , toward the almost imperceptible swelling of my belly.
How much longer was I going to be able to keep the pregnancy a secret? I didn’t want us to make peace just because of the pregnancy. I wanted us to find our way back together alone , because our love was strong enough to overcome anything. But eventually I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. After all, I was 12 weeks along.
“Aria.” Gianna’s voice brought me back. Her face contorted in concern. “Please.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Gianna sat up, open-mouthed. “Fuck.” She lowered her gaze to my stomach. “How far along are you?”
“Twelfth week.”
Relief painted itself across her features. “So that’s why you’re sick?”
I nodded. “I guess it’s my bad luck that the illness hasn’t stopped yet,” I said with a chuckle.
“My bad luck. You have the worst luck, getting pregnant with Luca’s child.” He frowned. “I thought you were on the pill.”
“Yes. But when all the drama happened with Lily and Romero , I forgot now and then. I didn’t want it to happen. Luca doesn’t want children at the moment.” Or ever.
Gianna looked up at my stomach and extended her arm, but stopped a couple of inches away. “Can I touch him?”
I looked around. We were alone. “Sure.”
She placed her palm against my belly and I relaxed under her touch.
“He’s still so small. Hard to believe there’s a tiny human being inside.”
“I know,” I said, looking at Gianna’s hand against my belly and wishing it was Luca’s hand. Tears gathered in my eyes.
“Oh, Aria,” Gianna murmured and pulled me into a hug.
“I hate to see you like this.”
“I’m so lonely, Gianna. I miss her.”
“You see his angry face almost every fucking day, Aria.”
“I miss the way he was with me. I miss his kisses and his touch, I miss his body next to me at night. I miss his love.” I swallowed. “I miss being held.”
Gianna patted her lap and I lowered my head, then began to run her fingers through my hair as she did when we were smaller. I closed my eyes and let go of her touch. I still had my sisters and the baby inside me. Their love was supposed to sustain me from then on. Would it have been enough? I wasn’t sure, but it had to be . Gianna began humming a soothing melody, and tears squeezed my eyelashes. I fell in, humming a lullaby our mother sang to us from time to time.
She fell silent and stiffened beneath me when footsteps sounded, familiar footsteps.
I braced myself before opening my eyes.
Luke and Matthew were standing in the foyer, watching us.
Luca’s face was an emotionless mask. He was holding me out as he had been doing for the past few weeks. I lifted my head from Gianna’s legs, repressing the urge to touch my belly as I straightened up.
“Excuse me,” I said to Gianna and stood up, then walked up the stairs. Luca did not follow me. He didn’t anymore.
LUCA A low humming sound greeted us as Matteo and I entered the villa. We followed the sound into the open living area and my chest tightened at the sight before us.
Aria lay curled up on the sofa, her head in her sister’s lap, while Gianna stroked her blond hair. Aria was crying, her eyes closed, tears streaming down her perfect but too pale cheeks. So fucking pale.
Gianna froze, her gaze hardening as she settled on me.
She didn’t bother to hide her contempt. I didn’t give a fuck, but seeing Aria like this, it hurt. Slowly she opened those beautiful blue eyes and when they met my gaze, pain and despair filled them. Fuck. It was like a knife in the stomach. It was worse than that.
She sat down but her movements were wrong, as if she was no longer sure of her body, as if something was holding her back . I didn’t know what it was, I had no way to read her because she lowered her head as she walked past me and up the stairs. She avoided me and most of the time I was relieved because it made things easier, made it easier to ignore her, made it easier to forget the feelings that only she could evoke.
When she had collapsed in the kitchen a few days earlier, I had thought I was losing my mind, and then when she had fallen to her knees, small and hopeless, I had wanted to crush her against my chest. She didn’t have to be on her knees, she didn’t have to look broken. She was a fucking queen among mice.
Whenever she was around, when I was forced to look at her face, I had a hard time holding back the excuses that threatened to come out of me. It was she who had betrayed me first, not in the way I had accused her, but a betrayal nonetheless. Three times she had betrayed me behind my back for her brothers.
Gianna leapt up from the couch and pounced on me.
“What now?” asked Matteo as he raised his hands to her, but she ignored him and pushed me hard. I squinted as I watched her, not moving despite her vehemence. Her hands closed into a fist and I could tell she had half a mind to hit me.
Matthew must have seen it too because he grabbed her wrist and muttered, “Gianna, get a move on.”
“Get a move on? He’s the one who needs to get a move on.” She shook him away and frowned at me again. “Can’t you pull your head out of your ass for one fucking second and apologize to Aria, you stupid asshole? You’re destroying everything.”
I had gotten used to his insults. He had enough self-preservation to reserve them for when we were family, and he knew I tolerated his disrespect for Matthew and Aria. “Excuse me?” I asked quietly, sending her a dirty look in response, but she didn’t flinch.
“Yes, sorry. You know she didn’t betray you, and you treated her like garbage. You still do.”
“I don’t treat her like garbage.”
I knew Aria had not betrayed you, but the fact remained that she had turned against me. She had taken money from the Family’s bank account. She had gone to Chicago in wartime, let herself be captured by Dante. If he hadn’t used her to turn on me, she would still be in his hands, and woman or not, we were at war.
Gianna shook her head, disgusted. It was a look I was used to from her. “It’s fading every day, don’t you see? Is your pride worth losing the one person who doesn’t think you’re a psychotic serial killer?”
I had seen that Aria had lost weight, but she was still nowhere near dangerous. I had asked the doctor.
He had assured me that she seemed healthy enough, although he had not examined her in a while because she did not want him to.
“I’m a murderer,” I said simply.
“He is,” Matteo said with a shrug, then added in an attempt to lighten the mood, “Whether he is psychotic or sociopathic is certainly up for debate.”
Gianna shook her head, then turned sharply and strided away.
Matteo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ” Your problems with Aria are also making my life hell. I hardly have sex anymore, even angry sex, and Gianna is the best at angry sex, let me tell you.”
I didn’t doubt it. The woman was hatching the fury of fifty hungry wildcats. She was completely unbearable, so different from her sister. Aria hated arguments, she tried to keep people together with her beautiful smile and kind words.
Shit. The slow smile that started with a slight curve at the corners of that perfect mouth, then widened until it split her whole face, wide and stunning.
A fucking hole opened in my stomach every time I remembered her smile. She hadn’t smiled in a while.
Matthew looked at me silently with an all too knowing expression . “Maybe Aria started the mess, but you will be the one to end it, Luca.”
“I won’t apologize.”
“Fine, but I’m so fucking tired of the tense atmosphere that’s dragging us down. Not just you and Aria, but Gianna and Liliana, and me and Romero. It’s annoying as hell, and it’s going to bring us all down. If you’re sure you won’t apologize to Aria for accusing her of betrayal and giving her the cold shoulder, then at least end it for good.
You have already changed so much in the Family. Make up the difference and file for divorce, then you can go back to screwing it-girls in New York and Aria can find a nice guy to marry.”
“No!” I growled. “Aria is mine. I’ll kill any asshole who dares touch her. There will be no fucking divorce. Ever.
And I don’t want to fuck anyone…”
“But she,” Matteo concluded. He shrugged his shoulders. “Then your balls will turn blue and fall off, because I don’t think Aria will make the first move again.”