ARIA It was already late in the morning. I had not slept most of the night because I felt sick but also too exhausted to get out of bed. Turning over, my eyes found the empty space next to me in the bed. My fingers traced the soft fabric. I still fell asleep on my side of the bed and always half woke up on Luca’s empty one, as if my body was trying to seek him out at night. Eight weeks of lonely nights.
I put on the wide silk robe that hid my belly and walked out of the bedroom barefoot. The house was silent, but in the distance I could hear the rumble of deep voices.
I was surprised to find Luca and Matteo still at the breakfast table. Their plates were covered with crumbs, but they had finished eating and were apparently involved in an argument. Another plate was also covered in crumbs, but Gianna had already left. She and Luca in a room, it did not last long. He was probably at the gym. Lily and Romero had left for New York yesterday morning.
Both men looked at me. I didn’t say anything, didn’t meet either man’s gaze. I was too tired to manage my feelings. Swallowing my nausea, I took the thermos with the fruit tea that Marianna always prepared for me and put it in a cup. I drank a sip of the hot fruit tea without sitting down.
I couldn’t take anything else in the morning at that moment, and I didn’t want to risk sitting down for fear of having to run to the bathroom.
Luca was watching me, his eyes lingering on my cheekbones, then on my collarbones. I knew he could see my bones protruding sharply. The robe couldn’t hide every part of me. I had lost even more weight in the last two weeks. I was beginning to worry about the baby, but I just couldn’t keep the food in. I took another sip of tea, one hand gripping the edge of the table for support.
Mornings were always the worst.
“You should sit down,” Matteo suggested, and his voice made me look up because it expressed concern.
Luca got up from his chair, picked up the basket with the Danishes and handed it to me. It was nowhere near, never near again. “Marianna took your favorite almond cookies. You have to eat.”
Her gray eyes were sweeter than I had seen them in a long time, but I had given up hope.
I looked down at the sweets and felt my stomach turn. I looked up again. His eyes were desperate.
“Aria, please,” he added. He hardly ever said “please,” especially not in front of others, not even Matthew.
A violent wave of nausea assaulted me. I shook my head, fighting the nausea.
“I can’t,” I said, then turned and slowly walked back up the stairs. Running would have made me vomit. I was glad Luca wasn’t following me anymore. It made things easier.
I vomited what little I still had in my stomach, then brushed my dazed teeth and wiped myself with a cloth.
Dazed like this, I could not risk going into the shower.
I went back to the bedroom and undressed, then turned to look at the full-length mirror.
“What are you doing to me?” I whispered affectionately.
Fourteen weeks. I grabbed my belly. Naked like this, there was no doubt I was pregnant. I turned around, looking at the mirror sideways. A baby. I stroked my belly lightly, wishing it were Luca’s hands; I needed his touch and love so much it hurt.
The bedroom door opened, “Aria.” It was Luca.
I turned away from the mirror and ran to the coat rack where I had left my robe.
I ripped it off and dropped it all over. I gasped when it hit the ground in front of my feet, then quickly clutched the ‘robe to my naked front.
Luke stood motionless in the room, his eyes moving from the coat rack to me clutching the robe as if it were my salvation.
Regret flashed across his face, but I dared not hope. “Aria, are you afraid of me?” he asked softly.
Really? I looked at Luca. I had done that from time to time in the days when she had thought I had cheated on her, but not anymore. He had not hurt me when he had thought I had betrayed him in the worst possible way. He would never hurt me.
“No,” I said with conviction.
He moved toward me, his movements slow and careful not to startle me as he picked up the holder and straightened it. He looked into my eyes, and the emotion in his touched my heartstrings. “I don’t care about pain. I can take torture. But when I saw you with Dante and thought that you…” He interrupted, his face contorted with agony. “I wanted to kill you and I wanted to kill myself because I knew I was too weak to do it.”
How logical.
“I’m sorry I made you think you couldn’t trust me. But Luca, I love you. I would never let another man touch me, I would never betray you like that. Never.”
“I know,” he said softly. He had not yet bridged the remaining distance between us. Maybe it was because I was still protecting myself with my robe as if I was afraid of what he would do with my nakedness.
“Do you still love me?” he asked, with a helpless expression.
At that moment it was not Chief; it was my husband, the man I loved and who loved me in turn.
“Of course,” I said. I didn’t think I could stop loving him.
“What about you? Do you love me?”
He laughed, a dark, raw sound. And he took a step forward, but then stopped. “I love you too much. It’s fucking painful. It’s killing me every second I’m not with you, every second I have to pretend I don’t love you.
I hate seeing you feel bad because of me.”
“I’m not sick,” I protested.
He pointed to my collarbones. “You’ve lost so much weight, Aria. I’m not blind” . I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Forgive me,” he said. I opened my eyes wide. He had never said those words before. A Chief does not ask for forgiveness, nor does he grant it. It was one of the lessons his father had taken to heart.
His eyes were not cold, hard or cautious. He let me in.
He was back. My Luke was back. I began to cry. And he bridged the remaining distance. “Aria?”
I looked up at him, at that suffering look. “Of course I forgive you, if you also forgive me.”
“How could I not forgive you?” He grabbed my cheeks. ” I love you.” He leaned down and kissed me softly. I was drowning and he was my air. He was my life, my love, my everything. His kiss was sweet. No possessiveness, just love. I opened my lips and his tongue tasted me. I had missed him . I had missed him.
I dropped the robe and pressed my hands to his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His hands slid from my cheeks to my shoulders, then down my back and to my ribs.
So close to my belly. He pulled away.
“Your ribs,” he said softly. “Aria, you have to eat. I won’t let you starve. Let me help you.”
I smiled at him. “There is nothing you can do, Luca.” He was wrong.
His face contorted in raw fear. “Are you really sick?”
“God, no,” I said quickly. I took a step back but he only looked at my face, not understanding, and not at the little bump. I grabbed his hand and placed my palm on his belly.
The expression on his face was priceless. Absolute shock. Incredulity.
His eyes lowered to his hand on my bump. It was not yet large and looked even smaller than his strong hand, but it was unmistakable.
“What?” he asked, his voice broken.
“I’m pregnant with our baby, Luca.”
Slowly her eyes returned to mine. He said nothing.
Uncertainty filled me. “I’m sorry. I forgot to take the pill when everything was a disaster because of Lily’s marriage to Brasci. I know you didn’t want to bring a child into the world. That’s why I hadn’t told you yet. And that’s why Dante let me leave Chicago unscathed. I was pregnant then and I told him. I’m sorry, Luca.”
With a low sound in his throat, he knelt down, startling me , with his hand still on my belly. He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss against my stomach, then rested his forehead on my bare skin, breathing heavily.
I exhaled in a shudder and, of course, began to cry again.
He lifted his gaze to mine. “Oh, Aria. I will burn the world for you and our son. I wish I had apologized earlier. I wish I hadn’t let you go through this alone.” He stood up and kissed me lightly. I deepened the kiss and slipped my hands under his shirt and over his six pack. I needed him, needed his closeness more than I had ever needed anything else.
He kissed back, then pulled away. “What about the baby?”
“It’s fine. We can have sex. I talked to the gynecologist.”
Then I hesitated. “Or don’t you find me attractive with a baby bump?”
Luca laughed. “You are the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world, Aria, baby bump or not.” He lifted me into his arms and carried me to the bed.
Luca put me down on the mattress and let his eyes watch me. “Oh fuck. You are so beautiful, Aria.”
His fingers brushed my cropped curls but then he stopped, expression uncertain, as if asking permission. I opened my legs for him. He didn’t take his eyes off me as he slipped his fingers between my folds and stroked me expertly, knowing every touch and pop I enjoyed. My breathing became labored as I watched that strong, powerful man, my man, kneeling between my legs, his hands giving me pleasure.
He let out a sigh, his expression darkened with desire as he lowered his head between my legs and my center contracted in anticipation. I gasped as I felt his tongue slide along my flesh. I was already so ready for him. It had been too long since I had last been with him. “Luca, I want you inside me.”
But he was undeterred and settled completely between my legs, his eyes on my face as his lips closed on my clit and he sucked. I cried out as my orgasm hit me, unexpectedly and forcefully. It had been too long, too long without his touch.
Luke moaned against my center and the vibration made me roll my eyes, but it did not stop his gentle assault. I relaxed under his tongue and mouth, let him guide me into gentle oblivion as a new wave of pleasure surged through me. After my second release, I could take no more.
“Luca, please, I need you.”
Luca threw kisses along my body, on my hips, stomach, ribs, before lingering on my breasts, which had grown. He smiled and I let out a giggle, which brought his attention back to my face and my smile. “I missed .”
“Sex?” I asked, feeling hot and wet and desperate for more.
“Your smile,” he murmured before lowering his head to my breast and beginning to fill it with kisses. His mouth closed around my nipple and I moaned, feeling another release approaching. He nibbled and sucked for a while, his gray eyes on my face as I squirmed and moaned, “Luca, please.”
He straightened and pulled his shirt over his head, revealing the muscular torso I’d always wanted to run my hands over, but he didn’t take his eyes off me. His hands moved to his underpants, which did nothing to hide the bulge under them, and he pulled them down along with his underwear.
He needed them as much as I did. I shuddered in anticipation as he climbed back onto the bed and onto my body as I opened my legs wider for him.
He supported his weight on his elbows as he lowered his mouth for another kiss. Stretching between us, he lined up , his tip pressed against me. I moved my hips so that he slid in an inch or two and we both moaned at the sensation.
He slowly crept inside me until he was almost completely in, but I could tell he was holding back. I peered into his eyes and grabbed his firm bottom. “I want you all inside me.”
The tendons in his throat tensed, his expression reflecting his turmoil. “I don’t want to hurt you or the baby.”
“Luca,” I said, tightening my grip on his ass. “You can’t.
Trust me until you get all out of control and violent with me again.”
As if remembering that day, his lips twisted in self-hatred, but I didn’t let him. I reached the back of his head and pulled him down for a kiss, and finally he slid all the way inside me and we moaned as one.
“Fuck,” he croaked, pressing his forehead against mine, his chest heaving. “I forgot how tight you are, how fucking perfect you are.”
He withdrew a few inches, only to slide back into me. I moaned from the feeling of fullness. His strong body on me, his length inside me, his eyes burning with love and need and hunger. I felt like I was bursting. He pushed slowly, as if savoring every moment, and I could feel myself spinning out of control, but I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted this moment to last forever.
He crashed into me a little harder, his skin covered in sweat, his mouth tight as he fought for control.
“Aria, it’s been too long. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out,” he said through clenched teeth.
I touched his cheek, sustaining his gaze.
That he had remained faithful to me, despite who he was, despite what he had thought I had done in the beginning, meant the world to me. Maybe it was nothing I should have been grateful for, nothing normal women were grateful for, but I knew what many Made Men did behind their wives’ backs, and they weren’t even Chief. Luca could have had a new girl every day if he felt like it. He could have had more .
“I’m close,” I gasped as he tilted his thrusts upward to reach my G-spot and grabbed his shoulders. My toes curled, my fingers twitching against his skin. So close.
Luke stiffened and then came with a violent shudder, and took me with him over the edge. I cried out for my release, clinging to his shoulders as he slammed into me a few more times before his forehead collapsed onto the pillow, his breath labored against my throat. He continued not to lean against me, probably worried about crushing the baby.
I wanted to savor that moment forever, in the feeling of his warmth and power, listening to his rapid breathing, but my body had a mind of its own, and it obviously intended to expel the small amount of fruit tea left in my stomach. “Luca,” I pressed, already fighting against growing nausea.
He snapped his head up, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He pushed himself away from me instantly and slid off the bed. As soon as I was free to move, I got out of bed and rushed toward the bathroom. I barely managed to reach the toilet before I threw up my tea. Trembling and feeling weak, I collapsed onto my knees.
LUCA For a moment I wasn’t sure what to do when Aria ran to the bathroom, but then I moved to follow her. I heard her vomit, yet when I entered the room, she knelt on the floor , trembling, her fingers abandoned in her lap and her blond hair covering her face. She looked small and vulnerable, and a fierce sense of protection flooded me. My eyes lingered on the small bump as I approached her and flushed. Aria was carrying our baby girl. How could she possibly think I didn’t find her attractive with that bump? She was the most beautiful woman on the planet. The love of my life, and I had almost lost her, abandoned her. I was a fucking idiot.
I took a towel from the cabinet and held it under hot water for a couple of minutes before going back to Aria, squatting down next to her and handing it to her. She took the towel with an embarrassed “thank you,” then wiped her pale face. She didn’t have to be ashamed; I had seen much worse in my life than a pregnant woman throwing up.
I gently stroked her back, concerned as I felt her spine protrude too abruptly. “Princess, we should have the doctor take a look at her.”
She lifted her head, her forehead beaded with sweat. “But he’s not even a gynecologist, Luca. I doubt he could help me.”
Perhaps he was right. The doctor could stitch up knife and bullet wounds faster than anyone I knew, but he didn’t usually deliver babies. “Who is your gynecologist?”
“Dr. Max Brightley,” she said, and possessiveness reared its ugly head. Did she have a male gynecologist? The idea of a man seeing Aria like that made me jealous .
A soft laugh gushed from Aria, her pale cheeks blushed. “Oh Luca, don’t tell me you are jealous of my doctor?”
“You know I’m a possessive bastard. Why does this still surprise you?”
She shook her head. “Can you help me up?”
I straightened up and lifted her to her feet, supporting her weight. She staggered slightly. “Now let’s go to that Dr. Max . I want to talk to him.”
“Luca,” Aria scolded. “I won’t go if it’s just to intimidate my doctor.”
“Not just to intimidate. I also want to know why he is unable to stop you from losing weight.”
“Some things can’t be changed, Luca. Pregnancy is not something you can influence. You have to trust my body.”
I trusted Aria and loved her body, but it was obvious that she needed help. I was used to finding a solution to problems, and if I was unable to find one on my own, I would force people to find one for me, and I wanted to show Dr. Brightley what kind of man he was dealing with.
“I need a shower but I’m afraid of passing out,” Aria said. I led her toward the shower, then turned on the water and waited for it to get hot before gently letting Aria in and getting the shampoo. I sprayed a small amount on her palm, but Aria shook her head. “That’s not enough.”
“It’s twice as much as I’m using,” I said.
Her eyes shifted to my short hair. “If I had short hair like yours, I would need even less shampoo.”
“No,” I said more forcefully than expected.
She rolled her eyes but I could tell she still didn’t feel well. I doubled the amount of shampoo and began massaging it into Aria’s hair. I loved her blond hair, but cleaning it was a hassle. In the time it took to remove all traces of shampoo, I would be dressed and headed to the doctor, but I loved touching her that way. Aria closed her eyes as the warm water ran over her face, and again my eyes slid lower to the evidence of her pregnancy.
“How far along are you?”
“Fourteen weeks,” Aria murmured as she looked at me . I turned off the water and grabbed a towel. A pregnancy lasted nine months; that was pretty much all I knew.
I wrapped her in the towel and lifted her out of the shower, being careful not to bang her head against the glass.
“I can still walk,” she said with a smile, but I carried her back to the bedroom and put her on the bench in front of our bed. I took my time drying her off, enjoying the feel of her soft skin as my fingers brushed against it. To think I had denied myself this for so long.
“Do you know what it is?” I asked, trying to keep my tone of voice relaxed even though the thought of Aria finding out without me by her side felt like a stab in the heart.
“No,” she said softly, running her fingers through my wet hair. “It’s probably still too early and I didn’t want to know.
I was hoping we could find out together.” Her voice broke and I pressed my forehead against her bare thigh. She smelled slightly of vanilla and Aria’s clean sweetness.
“We will. I will be there for you every step of the way from now on, I swear.”
I heard Aria nod and when I looked up, she was crying again. “Aria,” I said in a pained voice. “Why are you crying again?”
I hated seeing her tears. They made me feel like a monster because I knew I was the reason.
“I’m emotional because of hormones, Luca, that’s all.” He attempted a smile but it came out shaky. “The due date is in July.”
That was five and a half months away. Suddenly, images of my father popped up, unwanted and unpleasant. I had few good memories of the man. Matthew and I had never loved him for sure . He had not been what anyone would have considered a good father, even in our world. How could I have been a father to our son? Aria, she was a natural janitor, but I was a destroyer, a murderer.
Those thoughts plagued me as I helped Aria get dressed. Every now and then she would cast me a glance, clearly catching my mood. Insecurity filled her eyes.