Dear Growl had been very quiet since we had returned from the party the day before. I couldn’t tell if that meant she was still thinking about helping me.
Growl stroked my clitoris with her thumb, pulling me from my thoughts. He pushed a finger into me. “I want your full attention,” he growled, pushing himself back into me.
I nodded quickly and pushed all concern away. This was my respite.
Suddenly Growl withdrew his hand. Confusion surged through me. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Touch yourself,” he ordered, sitting back on his heels.
I blushed in embarrassment. The last time I had done this had ended in mortification. “That’s not fair,” I said.
Growl barked a laugh. “I don’t give a shit what’s fair as long as it feels good. We’ve done so many things that aren’t right. Don’t tell me this is worse.”
I stared at him, my arms along my sides. “I can’t do this with you watching.”
“But have you touched yourself before?”
I hesitated. “Yes,” I admitted reluctantly. Again shame swept over me as it had so many months ago. I wasn’t sure why it still bothered me so much. After all, Growl had been right. I had done a lot worse things with him.
“And it had been good, hadn’t it?”
I shrugged my shoulders without conviction. “It was okay.”
Growl arched an eyebrow. He grabbed my wrist and pushed his hand between my legs. I gasped at the feeling of my fingers grazing my middle. I tried to wriggle out, but Growl held me tight. “Stop trying to do what’s right and do what feels good. You’re fucking overthinking everything again.”
I glared at him. “Don’t tell me what I like and what not.
Maybe I don’t like to touch myself.”
Growl just looked at me. He covered my index finger with his and guided mine between my folds. The tip of my finger grazed my clit, then slid into my wetness. I shuddered from the sensation. Growl continued to slide our fingers back and forth at a slow pace. His eyes darted into mine, and it took all my strength not to close my eyes and hide from his gaze. He guided my finger lower until I pushed my opening. I opened my eyes wide. I had never done that. I knew how much I liked it when Growl did it. I hesitated, but Growl did not let my insecurity get the better of me.
He pushed his finger into me with his finger. I gasped in surprise and lust as both our fingers filled me. The sensation was incredible and the hunger in Growl’s amber eyes only increased my desire. It was so wrong but incredibly beautiful. Growl established a slow rhythm, sliding our fingers in and out of me. It was amazing how wet and soft I felt.
“How do you feel?” croaked Growl.
I shook my head, reluctant to give him an answer. I couldn’t admit out loud that I felt good. It was bad enough that I was enjoying myself so much. Growl stopped our fingers, his gaze became defiant. “Like. You. Feel.?”
I moved my hips, trying to maintain that feeling, but Growl stopped me with his arm.
“Good,” I said angrily. “It feels good.”
A smirk crossed Growl’s face, then disappeared, but he finally started moving again. He pushed our fingers harder inside me and I was nearing orgasm, but something was still missing.
“Touch your clitoris,” Growl said.
This time I did not hesitate. I lowered my other hand and pressed two fingers on my clit. I groaned, but quickly tightened my lips, embarrassed by the sound when Growl was watching me so closely. As if he noticed that I was having difficulty letting myself fall off the edge as he watched me, his gaze traveled down my body and watched as our hands and fingers moved in sync to push me closer to release. And then when he finally collapsed on me, everything lost focus and I let it all out even as Growl brought his gaze back to me. I couldn’t hold back, I didn’t want to. I had not even caught my breath when Growl stood up and began to undress. I didn’t think I would ever get used to the sight of him naked. His tattoo, his scars, his muscles, everything around him screamed danger, screamed stay away, and yet every cell in my body seemed to long for his proximity. His cock was already at attention, intensifying again the tingling between my legs. I knew what was coming, and I couldn’t wait. For a moment he stood in the middle of the room, admiring me. But I, too, couldn’t get enough of letting my eyes roam over his body. Was it ever going to end?
When my eyes returned to his face, his expression almost made me groan. He staggered toward me and climbed onto the bed. I waited for him to climb on top of me and fuck me. But he surprised me by lying on his back.
The confusion made me frown but before I could ask him what he was doing, he grabbed my hips and lifted me on top of him so I was straddling his hips. His tip pressed against my opening and a shiver ran through my body at the sensation. Growl’s hands on my waist tightened after a moment. Uncertainty flooded me. I wasn’t exactly sure how to do it, but I didn’t want to admit it out loud. Gathering my courage, I steadied myself against Growl’s rock-hard chest.
Focusing on his muscles and not the intensity of his eyes, I slowly lowered myself onto his cock. A long moan escaped my lips at the sensation of his length slipping inside me deeper than ever . I slowly exhaled when he was fully inside and sat comfortably on top of him. I had never felt so full before. It was incredible.
Growl moved his hips upward a few inches and my eyes rested on his. There was tension on his face. I smiled and his eyes flashed. Digging my nails into his chest as he liked, I slowly lifted myself up, letting his cock slide out of me. I concentrated on tensing my internal muscles to make it even more intense for Growl, wanting to bring him to the brink of madness. He gave me a light slap on the butt, causing my eyes to open wide and a gasp of surprise, followed by laughter coming out of my mouth.
There was something akin to playfulness in his expression. I started to move faster. My buttocks accidentally grazed his balls and he exhaled abruptly. I staggered, unsure if that was a good sign, but one look at his face erased all my worries. He liked it. Very much.
I rotated my hips, making sure to press my butt against his balls every time I lowered myself. Growl’s breathing became faster and the low growls I loved came again from deep in his throat. My body stiffened in anticipation of an orgasm, and when I leaned forward slightly, my clit grazed his pubic bone and I parted. My fingers dug even deeper into her skin and I moved faster, pushing my orgasm to new heights. And then Growl’s body shuddered beneath me and I felt him release into me, teasing my tender inner walls even more. I cried out, throwing back my head. “Oh God,” I said.
When my heartbeat slowed, I opened my eyes and looked down at the man beneath me. He was looking at me in surprise.
“What?” I said embarrassed.
Growl ran a finger over my breast, then slowly down my stomach until he stopped on my clitoris. I shuddered, still too sensitive for his touch.
“This is the first time you’ve made any noise.”
My already hot face grew even warmer. “Does it whip?” I looked toward the window covered by the curtains, worried about the neighbors. Had they heard anything?
“Don’t worry about them. They don’t care if that bastard across the street beats his wife to a pulp . They don’t care if you scream your head off because you’re getting turned on.”
I stared at him. His foul language still hurt me at times. But he was right. I had lost count of the number of times I had heard the woman across the street scream, and nothing had ever happened.
Growl Watching her touch herself was the most exciting thing Growl had ever seen. God, he had told other women to do the same thing for him, but it had always felt false and wrong. But with Cara, she had really let herself go. She trusted him in bed. It was more than she deserved, for sure.
She had wanted many things in life. She had wanted to possess, to destroy, to subdue. He had never wanted to be nice to anyone, or to be with anyone beyond the simple act of fucking. He had fucked many women; none of them had meant anything to him. He did not despise women. He did not like them less than men. He simply disliked humans in general. They were disloyal and treacherous creatures. That’s why he preferred the company of his dogs. They would not wait for him to sleep to kill him. If one of his Pitts had wanted to kill him , he would have torn his face off in broad daylight. Growl liked it better that way.
Cara was lying on the bed beside him, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her pointy nipples even pinker than usual against his white skin. A few rivulets of sweat ran down her stomach, and he had to restrain himself from licking them off her skin. He needed to talk to her, not distract himself with another round of sex. Although the sight of her naked, finally shameless, made it hard to hold back .
Cara turned her head, raising her eyebrows. “You have a funny look on your face. Did I do something wrong?” Two pink spots appeared on her cheekbones, and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He didn’t know why. He had never done it. He had never even thought about it. The forehead was not a very interesting place for a kiss. Cara was turning it upside down, that was for sure. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Surprise filled her beautiful face. She didn’t understand why she had done it either, and she was usually good with human emotions and actions.
She placed a hand on his chest. A small gesture that made no sense. Maybe not everything had to make sense. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll help you,” he said firmly.
She blinked. “Help me?” His hand against her skin began to tremble. “You mean with Falcone?”
Growl nodded. Now there was no turning back. He had made his decision and nothing was going to stop him. He would die if necessary. It would have been worth it. “I will help you get revenge.”
Darling, I couldn’t believe it. I had hoped for it, of course, I had dreamed it. But it had seemed improbable, impossible.
Growl was Falcone’s man, his most feared assassin. How could I change that?
“So let me get this straight,” I said slowly, wanting to make sure I wasn’t wrong. “You want to help me get revenge, even though you never tried to get revenge for what Falcone did to you and your mother? Why?
I don’t understand. You didn’t even like my father.”
Shut up, Cara. My mind was screaming at me, but I needed to know. I was beginning to accept that for some reason a part of me felt something for the man in front of me.
And I needed to know if he felt it, too.
“It’s not because of your father. I don’t care that he’s dead.” The words no longer stung. I had gotten used to Growl’s harsh words. He was honest, this I appreciated .
I raised myself up on my elbow and searched his face for answers. “Then why?” My voice was barely a whisper.
Growl’s amber eyes traced my face. “Falcone went too far. You didn’t deserve what he did to you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously, not knowing what he was getting at.
“You were innocent. He punished you for something your father did. That’s not fair.”
“And he punished you when you were a kid for something your mother might have done, punished you for doing absolutely nothing. That should have been enough to make you want to kill him.”
“I always wanted to kill him.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“When I was a kid, I would have killed him, but I didn’t have the skills then. And later, when I did have them, I felt I owed him, for giving me the skills, for showing me what I could do. Without him, I wouldn’t be what I am today.”
“A monster? A murderer? You could have become so much more, if he had not killed your mother and destroyed your childhood. He destroyed you.” I shuddered the moment the last words left her mouth.
“I was the son of a prostitute who worked for Falcone. I would have become one of his men anyway, but without his cruelty, without what he had done to me, I would never have become ruthless enough to become his best hitman.”
“So you are helping me because Falcone treated me badly? He has treated many people worse than me.”
Growl nodded. He ran a finger down my arm, then up again. “He did. I did. But I want to help you be happy. I want you to get out of this miserable town and life.
I never wanted it for myself, but you, for you I want everything.”
“Thank you,” I said softly. That was all I could say. It was overwhelming.
I cleared my throat. Emotions had never been part of the plan, or even a possibility at first.
Now I had to focus.
“What are we going to do with my sister? We don’t even know where she is.”
Growl pulled his hand away from my arm. I felt bad, but I knew I had no reason to. I had never chosen this.
“I’ll find out,” Growl promised. He rested his hand on his stomach.
“I thought Falcone wouldn’t share that information with you.”
“So far he hasn’t. But now that things are getting worse with New York, I think he will soon have reason to tell me where your sister is.”
I held my breath. “Because he thinks you will hurt her.”
“But I won’t.”
“I know,” I said without hesitation, and I did. How was it possible that things had come to this point? I was falling in love with him and I wasn’t sure how to stop myself from feeling that way. But I had to do it.
There was no future for Growl and me. There wasn’t going to be.
He had been a monster all his life. Even if I had told him that he could redeem himself by helping me, I would never have really believed it, would I? How could I stay with such a person?
How could I explain that to my mother and sister? I couldn’t.