Dear , I exhaled slowly. I needed to pull myself together. I had almost lost control in front of Falcone. At least in front of my traitorous asshole ex-boyfriend I wanted to keep my composure. He didn’t need to know how devastated I was. Anastasia was busy not looking at me, but even she must have noticed that I had arrived at the party.
After all, everyone had been silent when we arrived, and Anastasia had always had ears and eyes for gossip. But the fact that she ignored me gave me a chance to get my thoughts in order and calm down. I sipped my red wine. The ‘booze was beginning to relax me. It was not surprising that so many people in our circle were alcoholics. This life could often be tolerated only by drunks.
Cosimo’s eyes stopped briefly on me, and I froze with the glass against my lips. I lowered it slowly, but then Cosimo looked away. His face had been emotionless.
There hadn’t even been pity or anything really.
He really couldn’t have cared less about me. Why this still surprised me, I wasn’t sure. After all, he had behaved no differently when he and Falcone had come to my family’s house to ruin our lives.
There was only a couple in front of us now, and my palms became sweaty with nervousness. This was perhaps my only chance to talk to Anastasia and find out the truth.
Growl leaned down, his warm lips brushed my ear, and I couldn’t stop remembering how his lips had felt on other parts of my body. I shuddered.
“Remember, stay calm,” he grumbled in my ear, then straightened up and suddenly we were right in front of Anastasia and Cosimo. It was our turn to congratulate the happy couple. Even the thought of it made me nauseous.
But I put on a brave face and smiled. Anastasia looked unsure and her smile was more than a little forced.
I did not know what to think. She made no gesture to hug me or approach me. When Cosimo and Growl shook hands and began to converse, I took the opportunity and pulled Trish tightly against me, trying to ignore the way her body stiffened at our proximity. Was she worried that I would attack her? Or was she really disgusted at being so close to me now that I was less? I banished the thought before it could distract me from my plan. I put my mouth close to her ear.
“Please, Anastasia, help me. We can help each other escape .”
Anastasia grabbed my upper arms, her nails driven into my skin, and pushed me a few inches away before leaning close enough that no one would hear her words.
“I don’t want to run away,” he whispered, then aloud. ” I couldn’t be happier.” She flashed her best Grace Kelly smile at the assembled group of guests, looking like it was the time of her life.
I stared at her, unable to comprehend what was going on.
Was Anastasia putting on a show? Was she worried that someone might hear her?
But when I stepped back to allow the people in line to congratulate Anastasia and Cosimo, I allowed myself to take a closer look at Trish. She was not giving an Academy Award-worthy performance. There were not the telltale signs of wrinkles around her eyes when she made an effort to smile. It was real. The snarl started to carry me away, but I kept looking back at my ex-friend and ex-boyfriend. They looked happy. No one had forced Anastasia. She really wanted to marry him.
No one could help but fall in love, right? If Anastasia had told me, I would have tried to convince my father to let her get married. I would have wanted Anastasia to be happy, and I had never cared about my fiance.
How had Anastasia allowed this to happen? How long had this been going on? But even now, I didn’t want to believe that she knew before the party. Maybe she had found out later, when it was too late. I allowed myself one last look at Anastasia before turning away. She wanted nothing to do with me that night, and I suspected it wasn’t just because there were other people around. She had a perfect future ahead of her, the one she had always wanted.
He wasn’t going to risk it for me.
I emptied my glass and put it on a tray that a waiter was carrying from there. Suddenly I felt tired, and not just from the alcohol. That night was like a nightmare from which I would never wake up again.
Growl stopped in the corner of the room and leaned against the wall. I looked up at him. He seemed to be done with that party, too.
“Can’t we just leave?” I asked.
Growl shook his head. “Do you really want to show them how much it’s bothering you? Show them your strength. Don’t shake.”
“I’m not shaking,” I hissed, then sighed. “But I feel drained. I’m not strong. I don’t care if they think I’m weak.”
That wasn’t true, and I would later regret my lack of control, but at that moment I just wanted to escape.
“Never show weakness to those people,” Growl said in a low voice, leaning down until we were very close. “You’re stronger than you think. No woman has ever made my life as hard as you do every day. If you can be strong with me, you can be strong with those weak people. They are nothing.”
I blinked at her amber eyes. For the first time I considered grabbing his face and kissing him. I wanted to do it in front of everyone. And even that scared me. Instead I nodded, “You’re right.” I lowered my eyes, unable to bear his closeness any longer. I saw a few people looking at us open-mouthed. Apparently, they were looking forward to a scene between Growl and me.
They probably would have been terribly disappointed if that evening had not ended with me reduced to a bloody mess by Growl.
I glowered at them, and they looked away.
“That look is good. It shows them who you are.”
“If you only knew,” I whispered. Across the room I suddenly saw Trish and was flooded with relief. Trish had always been the kinder of my two best friends. Growl followed my gaze. “Go ahead and talk to her. She’s your friend, right?”
“How do you know?”
“I saw you two together at Falcone’s party.”
“Okay,” I said distractedly, already thinking about how best to talk to Trish. I couldn’t risk scaring her off.
“And don’t do anything stupid,” Growl said when I was already a few steps away.
“I won’t.”
I hurried past the people who were openly staring and pointing at me, whispering my name like a curse and even laughing at me, but I ignored them.
All that mattered was talking to Trish and finding out as much as I could.
Trish saw me when I was still a good distance away and for a moment I was sure she would turn and run, but she straightened her shoulders and waited for me. I was grateful for that small act of courage on her part, especially considering the many eyes following my every move.
When I got in front of her, we both did nothing for a few blinks. Then Trish gave me an awkward pat on the arm, and I stiffened under that forced gesture. Any hope I still had for my friendship with Trish also vanished.
I cleared my throat. But I wasn’t sure what to say. I had made so many plans. Now they seemed stupid. My eyes darted back to Cosimo and Anastasia.
Trish followed my gaze and nodded, “I’m sorry, Cara.
You know Anastasia always gets what she wants.”
Her words struck me as odd, but I put on a brave smile, remembering Growl’s words. “You can’t decide who you fall in love with.”
Trish huffed. “Love. Anastasia loves only herself, you know.” For the first time, Trish voiced criticism of Anastasia, and I realized I had underestimated her. I had never considered her particularly intelligent, and she had always played the dumb blonde, but her watchful eyes now made me realize how wrong I had been. She had probably figured Anastasia out a long time ago.
“What do you mean?” I asked softly.
“She wanted him because of his position. He’s a good catch, and after the thing with your father, an even better catch. That’s all.”
My stomach clenched. “Did you know this before it happened?” She couldn’t even say the words.
Trish shrugged her shoulders. “Probably. He called me the same night and told me about it.”
“But you didn’t know…” My voice trailed off. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
Trish lightly touched my arm. “No. I didn’t. And I’m sorry for everything.” Her eyes darted toward the people watching us, and her expression became more circumspect.
I knew what would happen. Trish was counting on the assessment of others as I had done before everything was taken away from me. And she, more than I, had always been Anastasia’s sidekick. That was not going to change. She could not allow it to change. Trish was not going to jeopardize her reputation by spending time with me in the future. And worst of all, I couldn’t say whether I would do the same if our positions were reversed.
I took a step back, forcing a smile. “I know we can’t see each other anymore,” I said firmly. “Just one last thing, do you know anything about my sister?”
Trish shook her head. “Anastasia probably does. Ask her .” I could tell she was anxious to end that conversation, and I made it easy for her. I turned and started walking, but I didn’t know where to go. Everywhere I looked, I saw people who wanted nothing to do with me. Not everyone seemed to think that my family and I got what we deserved, but no one seemed like they would help me or even talk to me. I had never felt so alone in my life, and this time I didn’t even have a cell phone in my purse. And even if there had been, there was no one I could have called. My desperate gaze landed on Growl, who was no longer talking to the group of men. Instead he was standing alone, a glass of red wine in his hand.
I paused for a moment. But he was the only person I could turn to. I looked around again, at the doors and windows, then lowered my gaze to my feet and laughed bitterly.
When I looked up, Growl was watching me. I knew he had never taken his eyes off me. There was no way I could escape, not without help, and though it hurt to admit it, I didn’t know anyone at this party who cared enough about me to risk it. Trish was twirling on the small dance floor with a boy I didn’t know, and Anastasia was smiling like a fury at Cosimo’s side. Everyone was drinking and laughing and living their lives. But I did not miss the looks they kept giving me. In some I would catch pity and sympathy, but as soon as those few noticed that I was looking at them, they would quickly look away as if they were worried that my misfortune would rub off on them or perhaps that they would feel obliged to help me.
But there were also the others, those who looked at me curiously, desperate to appease their desire for sensation. I was pretty sure they would have approached me to get an update on their gossip about Growl if it didn’t mean they would put their reputations at risk by having me see them.
I headed toward Growl. When I stopped at his side, he handed me the glass of red wine. I raised my eyebrows.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?”
“You look like you need it,” he said.
I huffed. “I don’t think wine is enough.”
Growl neither laughed nor smiled; he only called to me with his sharp amber eyes. He was still holding the glass, and finally I took it.
“Isn’t it yours?” I asked, but took a big sip before he could answer.
He didn’t seem to care. “I don’t drink.”
“You don’t drink it? Everybody does.” I nodded in the direction of the other guests.
Growl didn’t take his eyes off me. “Alcohol makes people careless. It brings out the worst in them.”
“You kill for a living. I don’t think it gets worse.”
Growl nodded, “Maybe. But I won’t let alcohol dull my senses.”
I emptied the rest of the wine. “That’s why I drink .”
“Don’t. It was wrong to give you the wine. It doesn’t make things better. It just makes you think it does.”
I was beginning to feel shaky and dizzy. “Maybe that’s enough . If things can’t get better, at least I can pretend they will.”
Growl sighed. “I’ll tell Falcone and Cosimo we’re leaving. You’ll stay where you are while I’m gone.”
I leaned against the wall. I had no desire to go anywhere. The room was spinning and I was beginning to feel hot. With another look at me, Growl headed toward where Cosimo was talking to Falcone. The crowd opened up for him.
And he towered over them, strong, tall and proud, despite their whispers.
I would like to be like that. But I cared what people said. It hurt me to see them judging me and pitying me.
I closed my eyes so as not to be scrutinized and soon lost all track of time.
A touch on my shoulder awakened me from my stupor.
My eyelids felt heavy as I opened them. Growl frowned at me and I recoiled at the anger on his face.
“Never close your eyes when you have your enemies. You won’t survive like that.”
I smiled wearily. “Like you take your eyes off me.
No one can hurt me when you’re around. If someone ends up killing me, then it’s probably you.”
Growl did not deny it. He wrapped his fingers around my arm and guided me toward the door. I followed him in a trance-like state. When we got outside, the fresh air helped me regain my senses and I greedily gulped down oxygen.
But I was still not in the best state of mind and it took me a while to notice a man leaning against a car smoking a cigarette. I didn’t know him, but Growl seemed to know him from the way his fingers on my arm tightened in warning.
“Nice catch,” the man exclaimed.
Growl ignored him and tried to drag me past him. But the man backed away from the car, threw his cigarette on the ground and smashed it with his shoe. He smiled . “How do you get your big cock into that little woman’s mouth?” He looked drunk, and I swore to myself never to drink as much as I did that night.
Growl suddenly pulled away from me and I stumbled but regained my balance at the last second, bracing myself again for another drive. I gasped then turned when I heard a muffled scream. Growl had grabbed the man by the neck and thrown him to the ground. He had kicked him twice in the ribs then bent down and punched him in the face.
The man groaned and blood poured from his nose and mouth. “Don’t do that,” Growl croaked in a voice that sent shivers down my spine. “Don’t ever talk like that again or I’ll gut you and strangle you with your fucking guts.”
The man coughed.
“Understand?” asked Growl, shaking the man violently.
“Yes,” gasped the man in a blood-soaked voice.
Growl wiped his hands on the man’s suit before straightening up and casting a warning glance at one of the delivery men.
Then he returned to me with a calm expression. No sign of his previous fury was visible.
“Why did you do that?” I asked as he led me toward his car, which was parked on the side of the road near the entrance gates.
Growl helped me into the driver’s seat. “Because you are mine and I will not allow anyone to speak ill of you.”
“Back home at the party, everyone was talking about me.”
Growl turned to look at the lighted house and for a moment I feared he would run back and beat up some other guests, but then he looked at me. “They were smart enough not to say anything when I could hear them, and most of them just felt sorry for you. They say bad things about me, not about you.”
The way he stood there, with a few drops of blood on his white shirt and the cold determination on his impressive face, he looked like my avenging angel. Who could have been better suited to seek revenge than Growl? He knew how to hurt people, how to destroy them. Could I convince him to help my sister and mother? Even if he never let me go, maybe he would at least help them get out of Las Vegas and start over.
He was conflicted, I could tell. Could I make him go against Falcone after all? His amber eyes fixed themselves in mine and a glimmer of hope lit up in me. I was not going to give up. It was my only chance.
Growl Growl had been suspicious from the start. Why would Falcone invite them? Now he knew. It was to humiliate Cara and, in doing so, him. Growl had never cared what people said, what Falcone said. He had lived his life, had tried to survive, had never wanted or needed much.
Falcone’s only purpose that night had been to humiliate Cara. Growl’s blood boiled at the memory. Growl would not let anyone humiliate what was his, especially Cara.
For some reason that girl meant something to him.
He had never cared about anyone but his dogs and perhaps himself, but with Cara, he wasn’t sure what was happening to him. He didn’t want to worry about her. He knew she didn’t want him. What he was doing was a tactic, a way to survive what had been intended as a horrible punishment.
Growl did not know what was happening to her. If maybe she didn’t hate him as much as she suspected. Sometimes it seemed she didn’t hate being with him so much. She liked his touch and sex and kisses, that much was obvious. It was something he could understand, but beyond that she remained a mystery to him.
And it didn’t matter either way. She was his and he would protect her. Even from Falcone. The man had ruined Growl’s life for too long. He had never found the motivation to go against that man despite everything Falcone had done to Growl.
Growl did not even know why. He would have killed anyone who tried to kill him. He would not have even hesitated. But Falcone?
Growl did not know what had kept him from taking revenge all those years. Falcone was his father, but Growl did not think that was the reason. Growl felt nothing when he said or thought the word “father.” It was an empty word to him.
Yet his father was still alive. Had he hoped deep down that Falcone would see him as his son? Growl could not even answer that question. And now he didn’t have to. It was irrelevant why he had not yet taken revenge on the man.
Something had changed. And the reason was Cara. Somehow, Falcone had set everything in motion. By giving Cara to Growl, he had signed his death warrant, because Growl wanted to help Cara get revenge.
That’s all he wanted. Falcone always called it his killing machine.
Falcone had created the monster, and now he would come to kill his creator.
Maybe he would stop hating him if he did. He couldn’t hope for more. He knew that no one could ever like him, and he had accepted that.