Dear She wanted it to be a compliment, but the words still stung. Being compared to a clock, even if you won in the end , was not something I liked. I knew he could not grasp the effect his comparison had on me. He was trying to be nice to me, and that kept surprising me every day.
There was a moment of silence before Growl cleared his throat, a rough, deep sound. “We shouldn’t be late.”
I nodded. I didn’t care if we were late. Everything inside me was screaming at the very idea of going to that party, but I had to keep my cool if I wanted to get through the evening without completely embarrassing myself.
Growl headed for the door and opened it. Bandit and Coco accompanied us to the threshold and watched us close the door with accusing eyes.
I let my gaze wander over the neighborhood. An elderly black couple sat on the porch two houses away.
I had never seen them before and they looked too decent for this area. Perhaps they had lived there all their lives and only in recent years had everything become decadent.
They turned their heads in our direction as Growl and I walked toward his car.
We were probably like an apparition dressed in our best evening clothes. People around here usually had no occasion to dress up. Growl nodded and they nodded in turn but then quickly turned their heads away.
To my surprise Growl opened the door of his car for me and I got in, being careful not to jam the hem of my dress into the door.
I gathered my hands in my lap and began rubbing them against each other as Growl pulled out of the driveway. My fingers were icy despite the mild weather.
When rubbing them didn’t help, I lifted them to my face and blew warm air into my palms. Growl looked away from the road to look at me. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly.
Growl grabbed my hand, startling me. “You’re cold,” he said surprised.
“It’s been like this all day. Probably nerves.” The moment the words came out of my mouth, I regretted it. I had not wanted to admit so much to Growl.
“Nerves?” I was glad when he finally had no choice but to return his attention to the road. “No one is going to hurt you.”
I laughed humorlessly. Not physically perhaps. ” That is not what worries me. I simply don’t want to see Cosimo and the others.”
“Why?”
I often forgot how little Growl knew about human nature. He reminded me of someone who had grown up among animals and now had to understand how human interactions worked.
“Because it reminds me of everything I’ve lost,” I finally admitted.
Growl frowned as he looked down the street. “Did you love him?” His lips twitched at that word, as if it had left a bitter taste in his mouth. “Did you love Cosimo?”
There was a hint of something hard and dark in his voice. And this time I caught the emotion hidden behind his coldness. Vulnerability and pain. I shook my head. Love?
I knew nothing about love. “No. I never wanted to marry him.
I hardly knew him. My parents had chosen him for me.” My father.
But saying his name out loud was too much that night. I wasn’t going to arrive at that awful party with glazed eyes. I wasn’t going to give any of them that satisfaction.
“Then why are you sad about losing him and that he’s going to marry that girl?”
Was I sad? Not about losing Cosimo. I couldn’t care less, after all. I was sad, though.
But it was only a small part of the emotions I was feeling. With each passing second, another, darker emotion became stronger in me. Hatred. And the deep desire for revenge. “I’m not sad, not for losing him. If only I had lost him …” I laughed. “God, that would have been wonderful. But I lost everything.”
“And sad? No.” I said softly. “I’m angry. I want them to suffer. I want them to regret the day they decided to kill my father and destroy my family. Cosimo, Falcone and all the others who were involved in this.”
Growl nodded, as if it was an emotion he could understand. He was not even offended that my list included him. He had taken part in the attack on my family, even though he was not the leader of the operation, just Falcone’s brutal hand.
“Don’t say anything like that at the party,” Growl warned me.
“I’m not stupid. I won’t say anything like that.” But I remembered the last time I had seen Falcone and how I had challenged him. My hatred for him had only grown since then.
It would have been hard to keep myself from trying to gouge his eyes out or, better yet, slit his throat with an oyster knife.
“I know you’re not stupid. But stupidity has nothing to do with it . Emotions follow their own rules.”
How do you know that? I wanted to ask, but I kept my words to myself. As ridiculous as it sounds, Growl was perhaps my only escape at that party tonight. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Trish and Anastasia, although I hoped we would remain friends and they would help me.
Cosimo’s house was smaller than Falcone’s, but he too had a fountain in the driveway, though smaller than Falcone’s. When Growl and I entered the house, every pair of eyes fixed on us. The conversation died down, only to resume a moment later, but this time behind raised hands and with stolen glances in my direction. Everyone was talking about me. Heat rose to my head, but I forced myself to stand up straight and appear relaxed despite the urge to run. Growl placed his palm on my lower back, and for a moment the gesture managed to relax me, but people noticed the touch immediately and I could almost hear their naughty words. I took a small breath and let Growl push me further into the room. Small tables with appetizers were set up in the large living and dining area. I guess Cosimo had chosen the same caterer as Falcone. He still seemed very eager to imitate his boss in every way possible .
And although everything looked like a poor copy of Falcone’s party, I caught myself wanting to be the hostess.
This was to be my engagement party. The happiest day of my life, at least by outward appearances.
And now…
My eyes registered Anastasia and Cosimo at the back of the room, near a huge golden champagne bucket.
Anastasia was wearing a new floor-length silver dress that made her look like a princess. And next to her was Cosimo in a dark suit, one arm wrapped around his fiancee’s waist. Bile rose in my throat and the smile on my face became painful. I needed something to drink. Something strong.
Growl seemed to read my mind because a moment later, a glass of red wine appeared in front of my face. The other women were drinking champagne or white wine, so I was surprised by his choice.
“Red is supposed to calm people down. Maybe you too.”
I could have kissed him at that moment. I never expected something so thoughtful from a man like him. But my moment of peace was short-lived as we made our way toward Falcone who was acting as if he were the host of that evening, making big gestures with his arms and laughing louder as the people gathered around him tried to act as if he were really saying something funny.
I took a big sip of wine, praying that he would calm me down quickly before I did something that would prevent me from ever having the chance to see my mother and sister again.
I could not lose him that night. There would be time for revenge someday, but not at this party.
Growl’s grip on my back grew stronger as we stopped in front of Falcone, as if he was trying to warn me.
“Nice party, boss,” Growl commented.
Falcone smiled broadly. “It’s not my party, unfortunately. Cosimo has done a good job. He’s trying to impress his young lady.” Finally, his cold eyes settled on me, piercing my eyes, triumphant and mocking. My fingers tightened on my glass, but I struggled to keep my composure. I doubted I had succeeded. Practically every inch of me burned with hatred, with the need to make that man suffer in front of me.
“I hope you are as happy for your friend and Cosimo as everyone else,” he said falsely.
Say something. Say something. But all I could think about was whether it was possible to break the glass and cut Falcone’s throat with one of the splinters before any of the men around us came to his aid.
Growl would probably be the first to save his boss.
“I’m happy,” I forced myself to say, but the words sounded false even to my own ears. Falcone sneered, then turned back to Growl. “I’m surprised you were able to pull yourself out of bed. But even you, my Bull, need a break now and then, huh?” Falcone patted Growl’s shoulder in a gesture designed for friends. “I hope you are still satisfied with your gift. If not, there’s still another sister you can try if you get tired of this one.”
“T alia? Where is she?” I blurted out before I could control myself . The triumphant expression on Falcone’s face said he had gotten what he wanted. He knew exactly where to push my buttons. He would not give me the answers I wanted.
Growl squeezed my side again to warn me, but it was too late. I clenched my lips and had to hold back tears. Falcone was a worse monster than Growl.
“I will not tire of Cara,” Growl said.
Falcone’s smile turned lascivious as his gaze ran the length of me. “So beautiful, isn’t she? Maybe I should have kept her for myself then.” He laughed.
Growl said nothing. His face was stone and his grip on my waist was painful. I cast a lightning glance at Falcone, hoping he could see the promise in my eyes. You will die.
His smile only widened, but my resolve was firm.
I would not stop until that man was lying dead at my feet. I hated blood and death, but I would watch every second as the life drained from his body and savor the taste.
Growl seemed to sense the growing danger. “We have to go to the happy couple now.”
“Yes, you should,” Falcone said, but his eyes never left me.
I shuddered as we moved a few steps away from him.
“You need to be more careful,” Growl murmured.
I looked up at him. His gaze was fixed in front of him, his expression impassive. People looked at him with fear and revulsion, but he didn’t care. The only man who could control Growl was Falcone, and that scared the hell out of me.
“Don’t give me to him.”
Growl frowned at me. “What are you talking about?”
“To Falcone. Don’t give me to him,” I whispered.
Awareness flashed across Growl’s face, then determination. “Never. You are mine. He will not take you away from me.”
“Are you sure about that? He’s your boss. He might tell you to give me to him.” It was a strange twist of fate that I preferred to be Growl’s property, but anything was better than belonging to Falcone.
“You are mine,” Growl repeated and then stopped and I noticed that we had reached the end of a line of people waiting to congratulate Cosimo and Anastasia.