Liliana I hadn’t even realized how much I had neglected myself in the past two weeks since Mom’s funeral. I hadn’t been hungry and rarely thirsty, so I hadn’t eaten much.
Of course, I was happy that my fainting had changed Dad’s mind. Sending me to New York was the greatest gift he could give me. For the past two weeks I had wanted nothing more than to finally get out of this house.
When I landed in New York, Aria and Luca were waiting for me. After a brief moment of disappointment at Romero”s absence, I allowed myself to be happy to be there . Aria hugged me tightly. When she pulled back, her eyes roamed over my body. “How could Dad not notice something earlier. God, you’ve lost so much weight, Lily.”
“It’s only a few pounds and I’ll gain it back in no time ,” I said with a smile.
“You’ll do better,” Luca said, hugging me with one arm. ” I will force-feed you if necessary. I promised your father to take care of you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even understand why Father cares. He hardly ever paid attention to me, and now all of a sudden he’s so concerned about me? What does it all mean?”
A worried expression passed over Aria’s face and I was about to ask her when Luca pushed her and me toward the ‘exit. “Let’s go. I hate it here.”
“So what are we going to do today?” I asked as we headed for the car. After weeks of doing nothing, feeling nothing, I needed to get out, needed to feel alive again.
“Nothing,” Aria said in an apologetic tone.
My face grew dark and Aria hastened to add, “But only because we are leaving for the Hamptons early in the morning. We’re spending the summer at the beach.”
“Really?” I asked.
Aria smiled brightly and suddenly the dark cloud above my head opened.
Romero I was good at keeping a serious expression even in difficult situations , but when I saw Lily for the first time as she entered the penthouse , I wasn’t sure I could hide my anger. Anger at her father for letting his daughter drown in her sadness while he was busy strengthening his position in the Outfit by introducing his too-small son.
Lily had lost weight, enough to make her collarbones and shoulder blades stand out. She looked fragile, but she was still so damn beautiful. I wanted to protect her from everything.
Her eyes met mine, and the desire they felt almost drove me across the room, to embrace her, but I stayed where I was, not just because of the look Aria gave me. Luca had made his promise to Scuderi. We, the Family, would keep Liliana safe, and that included her honor. Considering that most of my dreams included Lily in a state of undress, I definitely needed to keep my distance, and I did.
Over the past few weeks, I had fucked several girls in the hope that they would put Lily out of my mind, but seeing her now, I realized that it had been completely in vain. Obviously , it had not helped much that I had imagined it was Lily every time I had been with a woman.
I was completely screwed.
Luke came to me as I was leaning against the kitchen counter and watching the three sisters meet. ” Is this going to be a problem, living in a mansion with Liliana?”
“No,” I said firmly.
“Sure, because that look on your face a moment ago told me a different story.”
“I’m sure it did. Liliana is a beautiful girl as you said, but I’ve been with beautiful girls. I’ve been with even more beautiful girls.
I don’t want to risk Scuderi’s wrath.”
That was a fucking lie. None of the girls I had been with could compete with Lily’s beauty, but luckily Luca couldn’t read minds, even if he tried to make the dumbest soldiers think he had some kind of sixth sense like that just to keep them in line.
“Not just the wrath of Scuderi,” Luca said. “This is fucking serious. I’m serious, Romero.”
Was that a warning?
I had to restrain myself from commenting and nodding. Luca was a good Chief and I had never had a problem following his rules, but for some reason this didn’t sit well with me. Lily tried to make eye contact with me during dinner, but I made sure to keep my attention on Matteo and Luca. I didn’t want Lily to get her hopes up.
More importantly, I had to keep my fucking impulses in check.
Liliana Romero was still ignoring me. Although ignore wasn’t really the right word. He treated me with polite detachment, always friendly, but never too warm. Had I not known what Aria had told him, I would have taken it harder, but as it was I was pretty sure he was interested in me.
On the first day at the villa, the sun was shining brightly and we decided to have dinner outside on the beach. I decided to wear my pink beach dress. It was low-cut , backless and hugged my curves. Well, at least it usually did, now it was slightly loose in places, but it still looked very nice. As my sisters and I made our way to the table the men had set, Romero looked up from the barbecue he was preparing, and the look in his eyes when he saw me was all the encouragement I needed.
That was a far cry from the polite detachment of the last twenty-four hours.
He looked away from me and back to his task of flipping steaks. He was amazing too, the way the setting sun lit up his brown hair, the way his forearms flexed when he moved. I loved the way he rolled up his white sleeves and opened the top two buttons of his shirt, revealing a slice of tanned chest.
“You’re drooling,” Gianna whispered in my ear.
I blushed and abruptly looked away from Romero, then cast a furious glance at my sister, who sat at the table with a furtive smirk on her face.
I took the chair next to her. “Did you also tell Romero to stay away from me?”
Gianna took the bottle of white wine from the refrigerator and filled our glasses. “Me, no. You know me. I’m all about the naughty and the forbidden. If you want to have a piece of Romero, then do it. Life is too short.”
I paused with my wine glass to my lips. My mother’s words crashed through my mind, almost the same words. “Aria doesn’t agree,” I said, then gobbled down half the wine.
“Aria is trying to act like a mother hen, but you have to decide what you want.”
“Are you trying to get me in trouble?” I asked, feeling my stomach warm from the wine. I finished my glass in another long gulp.
“I don’t think you need me for that, actually,” Gianna said, raising her red eyebrows. “But do me a favor and slow down with the wine.”
“I thought you wanted me to have fun.”
“Yes, but I want you to be sober enough to understand what you want. And I don’t think Romero will take you seriously if you’re drunk.”
“You’re right. He’s too much of a gentleman to take advantage of a drunk girl.”
Gianna huffed. “Wow, now I see why Aria is worried.” She watched Romero for a while. He was laughing at something Matteo had said. “I wouldn’t put too much faith in her genteelness if I were you. Keep control when you are with him. He is still an honorable man. Don’t make me kill him, okay?”
“I thought you weren’t a mother hen?”
“I’m not. I’m the angry mama bear who will rip his dick off if he hurts you.”
I burst out laughing. Aria joined us at the table at that moment and rounded us up suspiciously. “I don’t know if I like you two being alone together. If you ask me, it smells like trouble .”
“You don’t want me alone with anyone, apparently,” I said , only half teasing myself.
Aria groaned and took a glass of wine for herself. “Are you still angry with me?”
“I’m not mad at you.” I was just going to ignore Aria’s orders and do my best to convince Romero to ignore them .
Aria looked at Gianna who made an innocent face, then at me. “I don’t like that. Promise me you won’t get into trouble.”
“I’ve had enough trouble, thank you very much,” Gianna said with a smile.
Aria stared at me with her big-sister look.
“I will behave, I promise,” I said finally. Then I poured myself more wine, trying to come up with a plan to get some alone time with Romero. I knew Aria would do her best to be my constant shadow.
*** During the day it was virtually impossible to get rid of Aria. She watched me, and especially Romero, like a hawk. When had she turned into such a killjoy? Nights and early mornings were the only options I had. Since I was barely sleeping anyway, it would not prove to be a big problem. For some reason the darkness made me afraid to fall asleep, so I would spend nights fantasizing about Romero and making plans about how to seduce him, while occasionally sleeping when my sisters and I would sunbathe in the afternoon.
It had taken me a couple of days to work up the courage for the next move. I knew how to put on a brave face, but it was not something I had ever done before. I had no experience with men, apart from the harmless flirtations I had had with my father’s soldiers over the years.
I was no longer as concerned about Romero’s rejection as I had been before . I had caught him looking at me too often in the last few days, when he thought no one was paying attention to him. When the sun rose, the first hesitant rays brushing my face, I slipped out of bed and stealthily approached my window overlooking the beach. Like every other morning in recent days, I saw a lone figure running along the beach in short shorts and no shirt. It was the highlight of my day.
I wasn’t sure where Romero got the discipline to get up before dawn every morning to exercise, and I really hoped he didn’t show so much self-control when it came to me. I watched him run up the hill toward the mansion and pushed myself closer to the wall so that he would not catch me spying on him. After he disappeared from sight, I waited another five minutes before leaving my room. It was deathly quiet at that hour, barely six o’clock. My sisters were still asleep; they had never gotten up so early, and Matteo and Luca had left for New York the day before and would not be back until tonight, so the only person who might cross my path was the other guard Sandro. As I passed Sandro’s door I made sure I was extremely quiet, but no sound came from his room. I quickened my pace as I approached Romero’s room.
I knew it was wrong. If anyone had found out, if my father had found out, he would never have let me leave Chicago again.
He would never even let me leave the house again. It was definitely inappropriate and unladylike. After all that time, people were still badmouthing Gianna. They would jump at the ‘chance to find a new victim, and what better than another Scuderi sister caught in the act and with a soldier, no less?
And deep down I knew I was exactly like Gianna when it came to resisting temptation. I simply could not.
Romero’s door was not locked. I tiptoed into his bedroom, holding my breath. He was not there, but I could hear water running in the adjacent bathroom. I stealthily approached in that direction. The door was ajar. I peeked through the crack.
In the last few days I had discovered that Romero was a creature of habit, so I found him in the shower as expected. But from my vantage point I couldn’t see much. I opened the door and slipped inside.
My breathing stopped at the sight of him.
His back was to me and it was a glorious sight. The muscles in her shoulders and back contracted as she washed her brown hair.
There was a cross wrapped in barbed wire inked on the skin above his spine. Naturally, my eyes lowered to his perfectly shaped backside. I had never seen a man like that, but I could not imagine anyone being compared to Romero. Not even the fictional Romero of my dreams could hold a candle to him.
He began to turn around. I should have left then. But I stared in wonder at his body. Was he aroused? He stiffened when he saw me. There was another tattoo on his heart, the Family motto.
His eyes caught my gaze before they slid over my nightgown and over my bare legs. And then I found an answer to my question. He had never been truly aroused before. Oh hell.
My cheeks grew hot as I watched him get harder. It was all I could do not to cross the distance between us and touch him. I had never understood the concept of wanting something so badly, it hurt; now I did.
Romero opened the shower with slow movements and wrapped a towel around his waist. Then he stepped out . The scent of his spicy shower gel blew into my nostrils. Slowly he approached me. “You know,” he said in a strange voice. “If someone found us in this state, they might get the wrong idea. An idea that could cost me my life and you your reputation.”
I still couldn’t move. I was stone, but my insides seemed to burn, liquefying into searing lava. I could not look away . I had spent hours mulling over the things I wanted to say once I had him cornered, but now I was speechless.
My eyes lingered on the edge of the towel, on the thin line of dark hair disappearing beneath it, on the delicious V of his hips. Without my will, my hand moved, reaching for Romero’s chest, needing to feel his skin under my fingertips. I had no impulse control when it came to him.
Maybe he should have terrified me. Girls are not supposed to be like that.
Romero grabbed my wrist before I could touch him, his grip almost painful. My gaze shot up, half embarrassed and half surprised. What I saw on Romero’s face made me shiver.
He leaned forward, moving closer and closer.
I closed my eyes, but the kiss I longed for never came. Instead I heard the creak of the door. I looked up at Romero. He had thrown the bathroom door wide open. That was why he had approached , not to kiss me. I was overwhelmed with embarrassment.
How could I have thought he was interested in me?
“You need to leave,” he murmured as he straightened up.
His fingers were still clasped around my wrist.
“Then let me go.”
He did so instantly and took a step back. I stayed where I was . I wanted to touch him, wanted him to touch me back.
He imprecated and then he was all over me, one hand cradling the back of my neck, the other on my hip. I could almost taste his lips, they were so close. His touch made me feel more alive than anything else, and I wanted more of that feeling, wanted to drown in it.
“Go away,” he croaked, “Go away before I break my oath.” It was half a plea, half an order.
I wanted him to break his oath, that’s all I wanted, but something in his gaze made me back away a few steps.
I was brave but not stupid. Letting my gaze travel through him for the last time, I ran outside and crossed the bedroom, stopping only to check the hallway before leaving. There was no one around, so I got out and hurried to my room. I had almost reached the door when Gianna showed up, still in her pajamas and with a cup of hot chocolate in her hand. She stopped, her eyes half-closed in suspicion. “What are you sneaking around the hallway in your nightgown?”
Why did he have to get up early today?
“Nothing,” I said a little too quickly. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. When would my body ever stop betraying me in situations like this?
“Nothing,” Gianna repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest and casually sipping from her cup. “Right.
Isn’t Romero’s room that way?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not like he ever invited me .”
“It doesn’t mean you’ve never been there.”
“Are you finished with the interrogation? I don’t know why you’re suddenly trying to sound like Father. It’s not like you’ve always followed the rules.”
“Take it easy, tiger. I was just curious. As far as I’m concerned you can visit Romero and anyone else you want as many times as you want, but you know how it is. If the servants catch you, rumors will spread like wildfire. You have to be smart and running around the house like a headless chicken will not help you. If Aria had caught you like this, you would have had a lot of explaining to do.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said stubbornly.
Gianna smiled bitterly. “I know, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be punished for it. Just be careful.”
She handed me her cup of hot chocolate. “I think you need it more than I do.”
I thought I was being careful, but at least my sisters seemed to see me through it. I could only hope they would keep my secret from their husbands. Both Romero and I would get into big trouble if people started to believe there was something between us, even if there wasn’t.
No one cared about the truth. I wished there was something to talk about, I wished Romero had kissed me the way I had wished him to, I wished he hadn’t just kissed.
Romero I almost ran after Liliana to drag her back to my room and do what I wanted with her. Damn. She wanted me.
It was written all over her face, plain as day. The first moment I had turned around and seen her standing there with her huge blue eyes, I had thought I had imagined it. After all, I had thought of her during the shower. She was in my mind all too often. If Luke had known how hard it was for me to concentrate at that moment, he would have had someone else protect Aria and surely had me sent back to New York, away from Lily. If I had been a good soldier, I would have asked him to do that, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to be near Lily.
I ran a hand through my wet hair as I stared at the bathroom door. Why had I sent her away? She wanted me to kiss her. She wanted more. Why then did I have to listen to my fucking conscience?
But it wasn’t even morality that kept me from kissing Lily. It went against my oath, my duty, but that was not the main reason. Even if she wasn’t really mine to protect, I still wanted to protect Lily, even from herself. She could not possibly realize the consequences of flirting with me like that. In our world the whole value of a girl was based on her reputation, her purity, this was especially true for girls from Men of High Rank. But even among soldiers only very few women were allowed to date someone they chose.
We still followed the same rules as more than a century ago, and I doubted that they would change anytime soon. If I had let Lily get close, if I had let this thing between us play out, if I had taken it the way I wanted it, then it would have been ruined in the eyes of our society.
Of course, there were plenty of things we could do that wouldn’t destroy her virginity. So many things, damn it.
It was a very dangerous thing to consider because if I really started thinking about all the ways I could have Lily without ruining her, it became more likely that I would actually act on those ideas, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to stop at some point. At least, not if Lily hadn’t asked me to, and I had a feeling she wouldn’t.
During breakfast, I pretended that nothing had happened.
Aria was already too careful. And even Gianna seemed to know more than she should have.
Lily met my gaze when her sisters were not looking, and the look in her eyes made my cock twitch. I had given her an opening today. Now she knew I desired her.
I had spent my life for others, always putting my own needs second. Would it really have been so bad if I had taken what I wanted for once? Never in my life had I wanted anything more than the girl in front of me.
Why would I have denied myself this?