Aria, Gianna, and Luca arrived two hours later. Matteo had stayed in New York. Not only because Luca needed someone to trust there, but because Gianna’s meeting with her father would have been explosive anyway. If Matteo had also been there , someone would have died. Aria and Gianna hugged me tightly to say goodbye. “How are you?” asked Aria. I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s hard to see Mom so weak.” “And Dad acting like an idiot doesn’t help,” muttered Gianna. Luca gave me a small nod of assent. “I’ll wait in the kitchen. I still have some phone calls to make.” I had a feeling he just wanted to give us some time alone with our mother, and I was grateful. I was about to ask him about Romero but then I stopped. I led my sisters upstairs.
When we entered Mother’s bedroom, shock passed over their faces. Even I, who kept her company every day, was shocked every morning when I saw how destroyed she looked, and even the smell was horrible. The nurses cleaned the floor and furniture with disinfectant twice a day, but the stench of putrefaction and urine still covered everything. It even seemed to stick to my clothes and skin, and it clogged my nose when I couldn’t sleep at night. Mother was awake, but it took a moment before recognition shone in her eyes. Then she smiled, and for a moment, despite the tubes disappearing from her nose, it did not seem that death had already branded her as its own. Aria immediately made her way to the bed and carefully hugged Mom. Gianna was tense beside me. She and Mom had not seen each other in a while and had not exactly parted on good terms. When Aria took a step back, Mom’s gaze landed on Gianna and she began to cry. “Oh Gianna,” she whispered. Gianna ran to our mother and hugged her, too. It almost broke my heart that this reunion had such a horrible reason. I wished we had gathered like this long before today. I pulled two more chairs toward the bed and placed them next to the one in which I had spent countless hours. We all sat down and Mother seemed at peace for the first time in a while. I let Aria and Gianna talk and listened. Gianna leaned toward me when Aria told Mom about a new exhibit in New York. “Where is Fabi? Shouldn’t he be home?” “Dad always has someone pick him up from school and then I don’t see Fabi until dinner.” “Is Fabi starting already? Fabi is too young for this crap.”
“I don’t know. It’s hard to talk about it with Fabi. He doesn’t tell me everything like he used to. He has changed a lot since Mom got sick.
Sometimes I don’t recognize him.” “The mafia changes them all. It sucks the good out of them ,” murmured Gianna. “Look at Matteo and Luca, and Romero, they’re not all bad.” Gianna sighed. “They are not good either. Far from it. With Fabi, I know what he was like before the rot crept in, but with Luca and Matteo I’ve only ever known them as Made Men, so it’s different.” Gianna squinted her eyes in contemplation. “Do you still have a crush on Romero? Shouldn’t you have moved on to a new target by now?” I blushed, but did not respond. Fortunately, Aria involved Gianna in the conversation and I could relax again. *** Gianna, Aria and I fell asleep in our chairs. Two hours later we were awakened by Father’s high-pitched voice. “What are you doing here?” I sat up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings. Father was standing in the doorway, hurling lightning bolts at Gianna. He still had not forgiven her for what she had done. He would probably take his wrath to his grave. “I’m not here to see you, believe me,” Gianna muttered. Aria got up from her chair and walked over to Dad to give him a quick hug. Usually his mood always brightened when she was there, but he did not even look at her. “I don’t want you in my house,” he said to Gianna. I saw Fabi a couple of steps behind him, obviously uncertain how to react. I knew he had missed Gianna a lot and had always been anxious to talk to her on the phone, but Dad’s influence on him had grown in recent months and it was clear that my little brother did not know where he stood. I stood up, venturing a worried glance at Mom. She was still off her medication.
I didn’t want her to witness this. “Please, let’s discuss this outside,” I whispered. Dad spun on his heels and walked out into the hallway without a single glance at Mom. The rest of us followed him. Gianna did not give Fabi a chance to make up his mind , she hugged him and after a moment he returned the hug. Dad cast a grim look at my brother. I could not believe that he had failed to put aside his stupid pride for once. Mother needed us in her last days, but he didn’t care . He didn’t even wait for me to close the door before leaving again. “I forbade you to set foot in this house,” he growled. I closed the door and leaned back. My legs were shaking . “It is also Mother’s house and she asked to see me,” Gianna said. It was true. I had lost count of the number of times Mother had asked for Gianna. “I paid for this house and my word is law.” “Have you no respect for your dying wife’s wishes?” hissed Gianna. I was pretty sure the father would beat Gianna, even though she was Matthew’s wife, but Luke went up at that moment. That did not stop the father from saying more mean things and Gianna from shooting him in turn. I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed past them. Their arguments followed me down the hallway, and even downstairs I could still hear their screams.
I rushed to the kitchen, closed the door and leaned against it before burying my face in my hands. The tears I had held back for so long were pressing against my eyeballs. I could not hold them back. A noise made me look up. Romero was standing at the kitchen counter, watching me from over his coffee cup. I cowered in embarrassment and quickly tried to wipe my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know anyone was in here.” I didn’t even know Romero was there, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Since Matteo had stayed in New York, Luca needed someone who could keep an eye on my sisters when he was busy. “This is your house,” he said simply. His eyes were kind and understanding. I had to look away or I was going to start crying my eyes out, snot and sobs and all, and that was the last thing I wanted. “It used to be,” I whispered. I knew I had to keep my mouth shut, but the words kept coming. “But now I feel trapped. There’s nothing good about it. Everywhere I look there is only darkness, only sickness, hatred and fear.” I remained silent, shocked by my outburst. Romero put down his coffee. “When was the last time you left the house?” I didn’t even know. I shrugged my shoulders. “Let’s take a walk. We can have coffee. It’s very hot outside.” Exhilaration exploded through the dark cloud that had been my emotions for the past few weeks. “Are you sure it’s okay?” “I’ll ask Luca, but I don’t see why it should be a problem. Just a minute.” I stepped aside so he could pass. His delicious aftershave entered my nose as he walked past me, and I wanted to press my nose to his shirt to find comfort in his scent. My eyes followed him, traced his broad shoulders and narrow hips. My mother’s words crossed my mind again. Maybe happiness was not as far away as I thought. Romero I should not have even considered being alone with Lily, not now, not ever. Not when I couldn’t stop noticing how much she seemed to have grown. She was no longer the little girl I had first met. She was now a woman of marriageable age, but she was out of my league. At least by her father’s standards. I was one of the best fighters in New York, only Luke and Matthew were good with a knife or a gun, and I wasn’t exactly penniless, but I certainly wasn’t a member of royalty and couldn’t afford a penthouse like Luke’s. I wasn’t even sure why the hell I was thinking about that kind of thing now. I wasn’t going to ask for Lily’s hand, not now or ever, and at that moment there were more important things to take care of. I went up the stairs, following the noise of the discussion. Gianna and her father were there again, and Luca seemed to be trying to stop them from pulling his head off.
The only problem was that he seemed on the verge of losing his head. I walked toward them and Luca gave me an exasperated look .
Scuderi was a pain in the ass, and Luca was not the most patient person on the planet. A bad combination. He came toward me. “I’m going to lose my mind if Gianna and her old man don’t stop fighting.” “Lily is taking it badly. She’s had to watch her mother deteriorate for months now. I want to take her out for a walk and coffee to distract her.” Luca scrutinized my face with an expression I didn’t like at all. “Sure, but I really don’t need any more trouble. Things between New York and Chicago are already unstable.” “I won’t do anything to harm our relationship with Chicago.” Luca nodded but did not seem convinced. He cast a glance at Scuderi and his two daughters. “I’d better get back. Come back before dinner, so Scuderi won’t have to know that Liliana ever left the house. That bastard doesn’t pay attention to anything, least of all that girl.” I turned on my heel, leaving Luca to his shitty task of mediating between Scuderi and Gianna. Lily sat at the kitchen table when I entered the room, but she stood up quickly, a hopeful expression on her pretty face. Beautiful? What the fuck , Romero? I couldn’t start thinking that way when I was with her. Boundaries easily became blurred, and Luca was right. We didn’t need any more bullshit on our plates. “So? Can we go out?” asked Lily with the same hopeful smile on her face. I stopped more than an arm’s length away. “Yes, but we have to be back before dinner.” It was just over two hours away. A hint of disappointment flashed in her eyes, but it quickly vanished. “Then let’s go.” We left the house and Lily stood on the sidewalk and lifted her head with a blissful expression. The sun’s rays lit her face with a soft glow. “It’s so beautiful,” she said softly. I know so many things that are even more beautiful. What would her face have looked like in the throes of passion? It was something I would probably never discover. I said nothing, just watched her as she soaked up the sun. She looked at me with an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry. I’m wasting my time. We should have had coffee and not stood on the sidewalk all day.” “This is about you. If you’d rather stay here and enjoy the sunshine, we can do that too. I don’t mind.” Not a damn thing . Watching Lily was something I could do all day. She shook her head. Her blond hair settled in soft waves on her shoulders, and I had to restrain myself from reaching out and slipping a strand between my fingers. For some reason I did not know, I stretched her arm . She hooked her arm around mine without hesitation, a smile twisting her lips as she scrutinized me. Damn. I led her down the street. “Do you know a good bar? I’ve been to Chicago a bunch of times in the last few years, but I’m not very familiar with the dining scene.”
“Just a ten-minute walk away is a little coffee shop with great coffee and delicious cupcakes. We could go there. I usually just order everything take-out, but we could sit down if you want?” There were many things I wanted, most of which involved Lily naked in my bed.
“That sounds like a good idea. Lead the way.” “You know what I like about you? You’re so accommodating and relaxed. You look like the boy next door.
Kind and gentle.” “Lily, I’m an honorable man. Don’t turn me into a hero I’m not. I’m not kind or nice.” “You are to me,” she said lightly. Her blue eyes were far too trusting. She did not know the things I had thought about her, most of which had not been nice. I wanted to do so many dirty things to her, she would not even understand half of them, and that was why I had to keep my distance. Maybe she looked grown up, but she was still too young, too innocent. I merely smiled. “I’m trying.” “You’re doing fine,” she said in a mocking tone. The sadness and despair had disappeared from her face for a moment, and that was all the encouragement I needed. Liliana Romero smiled. “Thank you.” I could have kissed him at that moment.
He looked so handsome and sexy. “You’re welcome,” I said. We walked down the street toward the small bar that looked like it belonged on a cobblestone street in Paris and not in Chicago. It was strange to walk with a man who was not twice my age as my father’s bodyguards. Only when we stopped at the counter did Romero let go of my arm, but up to that point we had walked close together like lovers. How would we have felt if that were the truth? If he wasn’t just trying to distract me from my sick mother, if we had really been a couple? “Are you okay?” asked Romero in a low voice. I was staring at him. I quickly turned my attention to the girl behind the counter who was waiting for our order. “A cappuccino and a Red Velvet Cupcake,” I said distractedly. It was my standard order and my mind was too exhausted to check the board for the day’s dishes. “Same for me,” Romero said and pulled out his wallet to pay for both. “You didn’t have to pay for me,” I whispered as we made our way to a vacant table by the window. Romero raised a dark eyebrow. “A woman never pays when she’s with me.” “Oh?” I said curiously. Romero seemed to have already regretted his comment, but it was too late. He had piqued my curiosity. “How many girlfriends have you had?” It was a very personal question. Romero chuckled. “That’s not something I’m going to tell you.” “It means many,” I said with a laugh. The waiter brought our order, giving Romero time to compose himself. The moment he was out of earshot I said, “I know how it is with our men. You have a lot of women.” “So you know us all?” asked Romero. He leaned back in his chair as if he didn’t have a care in the world. I took a sip from my cappuccino. “Women talk and from what I hear most Made Men don’t say no to the Outfit’s brothels. For most of them it’s kind of a hobby to get as many women as possible.” “Most men do, but not all.” “So you are the exception?” I asked doubtfully. I wanted it to be true, but I was being realistic. Romero took a bite of his cupcake, obviously thinking about what to say to me. “I had wild days when I was younger, eighteen or nineteen maybe.”
“And now? Do you have a girlfriend? A betrothed?” I had always banished that thought from my mind, but the way Romero had talked about it was a valid option. I sipped my coffee, glad to feel the cup in my hands. It gave me something to focus on.
Romero shook his head with an indecipherable expression on his face. “No, I’ve had girlfriends in the last few years, but it’s hard to have a stable relationship if work always comes first. I am a soldier. Family will always be my top priority. Most women can’t stand that.”
“Most women are not asked if they want this life or not. What about an arranged marriage?”
“I don’t like the idea of someone telling me who I should marry.”
“So your family has never tried to set you up with anyone?”
Romero smiled. I could have jumped over the table and crawled onto his lap. “Of course they did. We’re Italians, it’s in our blood to meddle in our children’s lives.”
“But you never liked any of the girls they proposed?”
“I liked some of them well enough, but either they weren’t interested in me or I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with them.”
“And no one ever tried to force you to get married?”
“How would they have forced me?”
I nodded. Yes, how? He was an honorable man, not a stupid girl. “You’re right. You can make your own decisions.”
Romero set the cup down. “Luca might ask me to marry you for political reasons. I probably wouldn’t turn him down.”
“But he wouldn’t,” I said.
“Maybe you’ll have a choice, too. You might meet the perfect boy soon and he might be worthy in your father’s eyes.”
The perfect boy was sitting in front of me. I was hurt that Romero suggested I would find someone else. Hadn’t he realized that I had feelings for him? I didn’t want to find a guy my father would approve of. I wanted the man in front of me.
After that, we talked about random things, nothing important, and very soon we had to go back to my house. This time we didn’t give each other the arm. I tried not to be disappointed, but it was difficult. When we entered the entrance of the house, I could feel the weight of the lingering sadness return to my shoulders.
Romero lightly touched my arm. My eyes traced his strong jaw with a hint of a dark beard, his worried brown eyes, his prominent cheekbones. And then I did what I promised myself I would never do again, but right then, in that cold, hopeless house, he was the light and I was the moth. I stood up on tiptoe and kissed him. The touch was the briefest, barely perceptible, but it made me want more. Romero grabbed my arms and pushed me away.
“Liliana, don’t.”
I broke free from his grip and left without another word. Mother had told me that I would have to take risks for my happiness, and I was doing just that.
Romero I rushed to the kitchen. I needed another cup of coffee.
The door closed with too much force behind me. I wanted to chop something up. My lips were still tingling from that ridiculous kiss. You couldn’t even call it that. It had ended too quickly. Because I had behaved like the dedicated soldier I should have been. Fuck it.
I made myself a cup of coffee and drained it in one gulp, then set the cup down with a loud clang.
The kitchen door opened and Luke leaned over the threshold with a questioning expression on his face. “You do realize that this is not your house, right? I don’t think Scuderi appreciates you destroying his expensive marble countertop.”
The corners of his mouth twitched into an almost smile.
I relaxed against the kitchen island. “I don’t think Scuderi even knows where his kitchen is. Where is it, anyway ?
There is a suspicious silence in the house. I thought he and Gianna would never stop fighting.”
Luca’s expression darkened. “They would still be there, but Scuderi went to a meeting, which I will also have to do soon . Dante and I are going to talk about the Russians tonight at an Italian restaurant he loves.”
“I guess I’ll stay here to keep an eye on the women,” I said tensely. The idea of being with Lily all night worried me.
Luca approached me. “Should I be worried about what happened between you and Liliana while you were out for coffee?
Do I really want to know?”
I cast a glare of lightning. “Nothing happened, Luca. You know me, I’m a good soldier.”
“You’re also a guy with a dick, and Liliana is a wonderful girl who has been hitting on you for years.
Sometimes it can lead to unfortunate accidents.”
I drew a long breath.
“Fuck,” Luca muttered. “I was just kidding. Don’t tell me there’s really something wrong.”
“Liliana kissed me, but you can hardly say that.
Our lips just touched and I pushed her away, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“Oh, but I do have to worry considering the look of regret on your face when you said your lips just touched.
You want her.”
“Yes, I want it,” I mumbled, beginning to be annoyed by his questioning. Luca used to be the type who couldn’t keep it in, and now he was being haughty and haughty. “But I won’t get over it. I can control myself.
I would never do anything to hurt the Family.”
Luca patted me on the back. “I know. And if I ever run the risk of following your cock instead of your brain, just remember that Liliana is going through a difficult time. She’s probably just looking for a distraction. She’s vulnerable and young. I know you won’t let her ruin her life.”
That was a guilt trip if I had ever seen one. I nodded, because the words waiting on the tip of my tongue were too harsh for my Leader.
Aria entered the kitchen at that moment, but stopped when she saw us. “Am I interrupting something?” She looked between Luke and me. “I thought we should start dinner. Father gave our maid the day off because he doesn’t want anyone in the house right now. That means we have to cook.”
“Let’s order a pizza,” Luca said. He approached his wife and pulled her to him before kissing the top of her head. In the early years of working for Luca, I would have bet everything that he was incapable of that kind of affection.
“Did your conversation have to do with Lily?” asked Aria casually as she rummaged through several pizza delivery service flyers.
I said nothing and Luca shrugged his shoulders. “Why do you ask?” he said.
Aria shook her head. “I’m not blind. Lily has been acting strange since she came back from her walk with Romero.” She fixed me with a warning look. “I don’t want her to be alone with you.”
Luca arched his eyebrows. I knew I must look pretty shocked, too.
“Don’t look at me like that. You know I like you Romero, but Lily has been through so much lately and when it comes to you her brain stops working. I don’t want to have to worry about her.”
“So now you’re protecting her virtue?” I asked sarcastically.
“Hey,” Luca said abruptly. “Don’t use that tone with her.”
Aria shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I’m not protecting her virtue. I just want her not to get hurt. You have younger sisters, don’t you want to keep them safe?”
“Yes,” I said. “And I would never do anything to hurt Lily. But I respect your wish. From now on I will not be alone with Lily .”
With an abrupt nod in Luca’s direction, I walked out of the kitchen. Aria’s words did not go down well with me. Luca had trusted me with her, even though he was a possessive bastard, but Aria did not trust me with her sister. Of course, the truth was that I had never been the least bit interested in Aria.
I was not blind. She was beautiful and definitely sexy, but I had never fantasized about her, and not just because I knew Luca would cut my dick off if I made a move. Lily was a different matter. I had imagined her naked body under me more than once, and when I was close to her I wanted to push her against the wall and do what I wanted with her. That was a big problem. Maybe it was better that Aria’s orders were now another barrier between Lily and me.