“You look beautiful”
I could practically hear Noah’s voice as he mouthed the words to me, his face full of excitement as he beamed proudly at me. I could feel my heart clench in pain as I stared at him, looking so happy, so like him. My head felt light at all the attention on us, one wrong move and everybody would see.
The guests were all silent as they waited in anticipation for the priest to begin speaking. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this man and woman join together in holy matrimony.” I couldn’t hear much over the sound of my heart thrumming in my chest, my body kicking into a panic mood as Noah signaled it was my turn to speak. I really needed to start paying attention.
Following the lead of the priest, I tried to keep the shakiness from my voice. “I, Embry Thompson, take you, Noah Hill, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.”
I hadn’t even noticed Sebastian standing behind Noah, a clean black suit covering his figure as he stepped forward to hand the rings to Noah. Lifting my shaky hands, I placed the ring on his finger as he did with mine. It seemed to weigh my finger down more than the engagement ring, a sign of my imprisonment to him. The shine of the diamond glaring at me, piercing into my soul.
The priest smiled down at our exchange, asking, “If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace”. For the first time I looked out to the sea of guests, hope heavy in my heart, just one person. Anybody.
As assumed, no one said a word, defeat inflating me. “With the power invested in me by the State, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Tensing, I froze as Noah’s lips softly met mine. Kissing me as though it was our first time, the pain squeezing at my heart even more. There was such an excruciating feeling that came with mourning somebody who is standing right in front of you. I barely noticed the loud cheers that sounded around us, too focused on my husband.
Keeping my hand securely entwined with his, I couldn’t help the giddy feeling that enveloped me as we walked down past the crowds of clapping people, Noah throwing a goofy grin my way. “You look f*cking stunning Embry, I can’t believe I get to call someone as amazing as you my wife,” picking me up by the waist he spun me around, showering my face in kisses as he placed me down.
Shying away at the ticklish feeling, I couldn’t help the grin on my face. “My beautiful, beautiful wife” he laughed, leaning down to capture my lips with his once again. Letting myself melt into his hold, I pushed it all from my mind, the pain, the tears, the memories.
I could pretend, I had always been great at it. Pretend that this was my perfect, dream day. Pretend that the man in front of me was always as soft and caring as he was now. Pretend just for a little while that I was anybody but me.
“I love you so much, little bug” his forehead resting against mine, our gaze never breaking contact with each other. “I l-love you too, Noah” my cheeks burning a red colour. I was only pretending, right?
“That was such a beautiful ceremony,” Evelyn sniffled, joining us in the sitting room. James followed her in as he held the door open for the priest, “your mother gets a bit emotional at these things” James rolled his eyes teasingly. Where was the malice? The intimidation? I hadn’t made it up, had I? No. No. I know I didn’t.
And yet, as I sat here waiting for my turn to sign the wedding papers, I couldn’t help but note how normal and happy they looked as a family. Staring down at the ring that rested on my finger, I pushed down the hollow feeling that bubbled within my stomach. What if I never learn how to be happy here?
Pretend. Just for today. Pretend, I can worry about those things tomorrow. Taking the pen from Noah’s hands I signed the paper, suddenly contemplating how my name could be on a marriage certificate if it’s already on a death certificate. But it was not my problem to solve.
“Are you ready to go back out there, Mrs. Hill?” Noah winked, the new name sending a wave of shock through my body. Let’s act as though I didn’t scribble that name into my diary endlessly in middle school. I fear I manifested a bit too hard.
I was once again at a loss for words as I followed the family back outside, this time over to a large white marquee, shaking with the beat of the music. Stepping inside, my neck craned at all sorts of angles trying to study the decorations in the tent. Each table possessing a white table cloth, a tall bouquet of white and pink roses in the center table and finally a neat set up of cutlery and glasses. A small smile gracing my lips as my eyes met the white fabric draping from the ceiling, lights shining from underneath the fabric.
“Do you like it?” I shivered as Noah’s hot breath hit my ear. “It’s beautiful” I remarked in amazement, still unable to tear my eyes away from the stunning detailing. I was thankful we didn’t have to talk to anybody before we sat down and ate, Noah seated to my left. The table being much shorter than it usually is at weddings, considering I had no family to be seated.
On my right sat Evelyn, then to Noah’s left sat James and Sebastian. I felt overwhelmed facing out towards the large crowd of people. Both Noah and Evelyn indulged in conversation with me throughout the meal. Just after the main course, Noah led me to the center of the dance floor, my heart in my throat as I realised I would be stumbling over my feet in front of so many people.
“Just follow my lead, I won’t let you trip, don’t worry” Noah assured me quietly, as I placed my one hand in his and the other one his shoulder. My eyes widening as the music began to play, noticing a shift in my body language Noah leaned down, his mouth hovering just above my ear.
This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They’re spreading blankets on the beach
“Just like I promised” his eyes sparkled as our feet moved beneath us.
Yours was the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
And I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
*Flashback*
“Wait, shh, I love this song” reaching over to turn up the volume, the young girl missed the loving look in her companion’s eyes as he stared down at her. Sitting back, she resumed leaning against his torso, blissfully absorbing the words of the song.
And so I thought I’d let you know
Yeah these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realised that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
“You know, I saw a video the other day and it was a couple using this song as their first dance, I thought it was the cutest thing” she smiled, relaxing as the boys ran his fingers through her hair, twirling each strand around his finger. “Well, I think we should use it for our first dance then.” Her heart skipped a beat as she peered up to see his goofy grin.
Remember the time you drove all night
+
Just to meet me in the morning?
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you’d just woke up
“You promise?” The smiling girl asked full of hope, now sitting up, lately she had an increasing fear of being without him. She was becoming emotionally reliant on him and she was okay with it. “Pinky promise” the boy smiled, holding his pinky out for her.
And you said
“This is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care, I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
For everyone knew, you can’t ever break a pinky promise.
*End of flashback*
Tears blurred my vision as I tucked my head into his chest, away from wandering eyes. Swaying to the music, I let myself enjoy his body heat as I shut the rest of the world out.
So if you wanna be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery, ah-ha, mm-hmm
“I told you I’d never break any pinky promises” he whispered, his head leaning against my own. “T-then, pinky promise me that you won’t hurt me again” I held my pinky up hopefully as the song was coming to an end. “I won’t make a promise I know I can’t keep” he frowned, pulling my head to his chest again.
Besides, maybe this time is different
I mean, I really think you like me