“I won’t make a promise I know I can’t keep”
I kept silent as he guided me back towards the table, I couldn’t think of anything to say that could possibly make me feel better after that. It seemed anytime I was finally enjoying myself or felt the slightest bit of happiness it was ripped from me.
I could feel the tears sting at my eyes but I couldn’t cry, not here, not now. Sitting down in my previous seat, my vision followed Noah as he crouched down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees.
“I’m sorry little bug, I didn’t mean to upset you on your special day” he stroked the fabric resting on my knee, his other hand reaching up to stroke the skin of my cheek. “B-but, when you love someone you don’t hurt them, you-you’re meant to want to protect them from all the hurt in the world, do you, do you not love me anymore?” I sniffled.
I could see the flash of pain pass through his eyes as his they flitted to the floor below us. “It’s the only way I’ve ever been taught to show love, through pain, I don’t, I can’t” I reached my hand so now it was my hand that rested upon his cheek as I watched him struggle to find the words he needed to. “I’m not normal Embry, but I’m not stupid either, I know there are things wrong with me, but you” his eyes met mine as he pulled my hand from his face and cradled it between his two, “you make me feel normal, with you I never have to think about how messed up I am.”
Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall for it.
Too late.
I couldn’t help it, all I could see was a scared lonely child who just needed to be loved. Pulling us both up to stand, I threw my arms around his torso, clinging onto him tightly, there had always been a part of me that needed to be the things that no one had been for me. Things like comforting, forgiving and understanding. Things that were going to get me hurt.
He had held me just as tightly as we rested in each other’s embrace for a while, not letting go until Evelyn had called us over to cut the cake together. So I smiled and forgave, continuing to pretend. Just for now.
The rest of the celebration had passed quite quickly, the next thing I knew everybody was cheering around us once again as we walked back into the house. I wasn’t exactly very familiar with wedding rituals but I had just always assumed people had stayed for most of the night, now it was only around 4pm and it was ending. My body was buzzing with nerves, I didn’t want to think of why but ignoring them didn’t settle them anymore so than acknowledging them would have.
Coming to a halt in the hallway, my gaze fell on the suitcases stacked by the door in confusion. Before I could question it Noah was already explaining, “it’s not a wedding without a honeymoon” he winked, pulling off his suit jacket and tie. Don’t roll up the sleeves, don’t roll up the sleeves.
Gulping I watched as he half rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Curse his very beautiful genes. Oh sweet Jesus Embry, get it together, you’re acting like a dog in heat. “Embry, you okay?” he innocently questioned.
“Yeah, no, yeah, definitely” I smiled unconvincingly, “it’s just a bit hot” I exclaimed, fanning myself with my hand to add emphasis. “Right, well there is a dress on our bed for you, it might be a bit more comfortable to travel in” he explained, sending me a wary look.
Nodding, I scoured off towards the room, scolding myself for being so embarrassing. “Stupid hormonal, teenage reaction” I muttered, picking up another white dress. This one being much simpler and much more comfortable.
Slipping it on I placed my wedding dress back in it’s original bag unsure of what I was actually supposed to do with it. Suppressing a yawn, I came to realise how tired I actually was. Making my way back towards the front door, I smiled at Noah who was waiting for me with his hand held out.
“Well, if it isn’t my beautiful wife” he smirked, waltzing over to plant a kiss on my forehead. “Where are we going?” I wondered, trying to escape the fear of it leading to a worse fate for me. “It’s a surprise, but I’ll tell you this, my dad owns a couple of little islands with beautiful villas that we get to have all to ourselves” he smirked. Pulling me into his chest, his breath hitting off my ear, “and we can do absolutely whatever we want and not have to worry about being too loud”. Shooting back from his hold I knew exactly what he was suggesting, admiring him was one thing but sex, that was far too much for me.
It would make things so much more complicated and frankly, I wasn’t ready. “Noah, I’m not” sucking in more air I tried to stuff down the alarming sensation of fear coursing within my body. “I’m not ready” watching him intensely I searched for any sign of his reaction. Resting his hand on my cheek once again, I was sucked into a false sense of security.
“It’s okay little bug, no one actually feels ready their first time, it’s okay to feel nervous, I’m going to make sure you enjoy it” he grinned, not waiting for a reply before pulling me out into the car with him.
Oh crap.
Oh crap.
Trying to steady my breathing, I knew that losing control would most likely send him into a fit of rage. Something that would not be of any help to me right now. I hadn’t even taken note of the third presence in the car but it did make sense considering Noah could not drive the car from the back seat.
There was a heavy silence surrounding us, it didn’t seem to have much effect on Noah but to me, it felt suffocating. Bouncing my leg in agitation, I tried to use the scenery outside of the car to stabilise myself but it wasn’t working. “How long until we get there” I mumbled out, now taking to biting on my nail.
“Probably 20 more minutes in the car and then when we get on the plane another two hours” nodding I scrunch my eyes closed. So little time until he has taken everything from me. I yelped at the unexpected action of my seatbelt being unbuckled as I was pulled into Noah’s side.
“What’s wrong little bug, you’ve been unsettled for the whole ride, don’t be worried about the flight, I have tablets for you to take to stop the aeroplane sickness.” Weakly turning to face him I could feel the lump in my throat expand.
“You don’t have to pretend like you don’t know” I whispered sorrowfully, “we’re married now Embry, it’s what couples do”. I didn’t hold back the tears that were slowly rolling down my face, it never made a difference either way, they always found a way to make their appearance. “You know, if I say no to this and you still make me do it, you’re no better than Justin.”
I shut my eyes as I sensed it coming, much too fast for me to have any reaction other than to let it happen. The right side of my head bounced off the leather of the chair once his hand made harsh contact with my right cheek. Shakily my hand landed on my cheek, sliding back to my original seat I went back to staring out the window.
This time I watched the world around us with tears rolling down my face and an excruciating pain pulsing in both my cheek and heart. He never made an attempt to talk to me again after that, so when the twenty minutes had ended and we reached our destination I made no move as he spoke to me.
Watching him silently as he placed the black bag that was beside his feet onto his seat, my tears had dried now, my cheek still throbbing. “I’m just going to show them our passports and make sure the plane is all ready then we can go, okay beautiful” he smiled, pulling out two passports. Not giving him the time of day, I continued to stare blankly at him. I could feel my heart speed up as I looked at the wads of cash peeking out of the bag he had just rooted through.
My head shooting around the car, I was alone. No driver, no Noah, both a large distance away from me beside the plane. This hadn’t been the plan but before my brain could catch up, I had pulled my wedding ring off, threw it on the seat and grabbed both Noah’s jacket and bundles of the cash.
It very well could have been a trap, but if it wasn’t I couldn’t miss this opportunity. Not when I knew what was awaiting me if I stayed. Grimacing at the noise the car door made as it opened, I didn’t bother closing it as I bolted away from the car. I wanted to be a survivor not a victim.
And so I kept running and running, not looking back.