His eyes became cold and hard at the mention of the name, he jumped off the couch harshly pacing around the room, pulling at his hair. The sight of it alone made my insides churn, I had rarely seen him so uncomposed it was an unnatural sight to witness.
“You don’t remember?” his steps halted, he stood facing me a mere five feet away but I could feel the negative emotions roll off of him. “I don’t know what I remember,” I sighed embarrassed. How could I not remember?
“You blocked it out for a reason, Embry, maybe you just leave it at that.” Tears of frustration started to spill out, he didn’t get it. “Me knowing about it is not your decision to make, I’m just asking you to tell me something I have a right to know of” I protested, jumping from my sitting position as adrenaline ran through my veins.
Nothing good ever comes from adrenaline and Noah.
“Oh yeah, then who gets to decide Embry, because I’m pretty sure you decided you didn’t want to know” the volume of his voice was rising but I was too agitated to feel frightened about it. For once I was more scared of what was in my mind than of him.
“I didn’t get to make a choice, you know that” my words were slowly becoming shouts. “So I am making that choice for you Embry” he threw his hands in the air emphasising his point, “YOU DON’T GET TO DO THAT” I stormed towards him poking my finger into his chest.
“Yes I do, and you know why Embry?” His voice was bitter as he started striding in my direction, once again I was forced to back up. “Because you’re mine” he venomously spit out. Before I could control my actions my hand had swung up making hard contact with his cheek.
Oh crap.
His face shot to the side. Frozen, I forgot how to breath, all my thoughts had shut off and there was a buzz surrounding me. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes sinister peering into my soul. Fumbling over my thoughts I tried to think of a solution. “I-” unable to tear my gaze from his I began shaking my head back and forth as if that would save me from the murderous glint in his eyes.
“I’m really sorry, I-I didn’t mean to I just-” my words trailed to silence, thinking about this realistically a couple words won’t save me. “He tried to rape you Embry, is that what you want to hear” my eyes widened at his statement.
Tried. My body flowed with relief, “he pressed you up against a wall and had the nerve to touch what was mine” his voice was dark. The look he gave me was spine chilling as it sent another memory my way.
Flashback
Before his hands could do any more damage, he was thrown across the hallway as I watched in shock, trying to make sense of what had just happened. “Oh god little bug, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, are you okay?” his voice was soft as he held my face in his hands gently. I couldn’t find my voice so I nodded staring blankly at him through my tears.
He whipped around at the groan that came from the boy on the floor, his eyes glazed over in pure hatred. “Woah, Noah I didn’t know she was with you bro” he clutched his side, staggering to a stand. “You think that makes it better” he grabbed the collar of his shirt lifting him against the wall.
Fist after fist rained down upon Justin’s now limp body, there was a lot of blood and I knew I should stop it but I didn’t feel real. Everything was cloudy. “Come on we have to go” grabbing my hand he ran away from the unconscious boy, no not exactly unconscious, it was more like the boy who had just been beaten to death.
My surroundings came back to me as I looked down in panic at the blood that was now coating my hand from the grip it held in Noah’s.
End of flashback.
“He-he’s dead” I turned away wanting to hide my fear. It shouldn’t have been a surprise with everything he had done recently but this was before, when I thought everything was okay. It was all there for me to see yet I refused to see it.
“So you do remember” his lips quirked into an emotionless smirk as he stared down at me. My head began to hurt, I witnessed a murder, technically I was an accessory to murder. “Oh god” I clutched onto my stomach as vomit threatened to make its way up my throat.
“Shh, shh now don’t get yourself worked up, he got what he deserved” his gentle whisper and hot breath tickled my ear as his hand ran through my hair.
“Don’t touch me” I whimpered as I tore myself from his grip, “y-you murderer” I spit glaring at him. “Jesus Christ Embry, you don’t learn, was that mark not enough, do you have a pain kink I don’t know about or something” his hand gripped onto my shoulder as his thumb dug into the raw skin where the branding lay.
My hands shot up to meet his trying to pry his fingers away from the sensitive area as my scream roared throughout the house. “Let go please” I heaved out trying to ignore the intense rippling pain that ignited in my body. “Apologise” he spat, the pain even more magnified than before as harsh breathless sobs passed my lips.
“I’m sorry” I cried out but his grip was unrelenting, “awh c’mon Embry, I know you can do better than that” my nails were digging into his arm at this point, but none of it had any effect.
“I’m so sorry Noah, I was just panicked, I should have been more grateful” his grip lessened but didn’t cease, “you were protecting me and I didn’t realise that, I’ve been so unfair to you, I’m sorry, please don’t be mad.”
My body collapsed from under me as I fell to my knees at the lack of his grip. I heaved clutching onto my shoulder, it still stung just not as intensely. “That’s a good girl” the hand that once caused me the agonising pain now petting my head.
“Now let’s watch the movie” he smiled innocently as if nothing had happened.
I didn’t trust my mind at this current moment of time, but I certainly didn’t believe it when it claimed it was still only Sunday, and a mere 24 hours ago I was at home bathing. No that didn’t feel right, it had seemed like a lifetime ago when I talked to my parents.
“What time is it?” I mumbled against his chest as we both lay on the sofa. Him on his back and me forced to lie against his chest, “I think around 9, are you tired already, I would have thought all that sleeping after you passed out would have had you up the whole night” he replied nonchalantly still semi-focused on whatever action movie was playing on the TV.
“What sleeping?” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, conceited a**hole, I’d hardly call that hour passed out from pain to be some luxury nap. “Your passing out for like 25 hours after your little escapade through the forest”, my body abruptly shot up.
25 hours? It’s Tuesday? “I-, what day is it today?” I sat on his lower thighs now trying to figure out how I keep missing so much of my life. “Tuesday the 14th of November, why?” he slowly hoisted himself onto his elbows trying to come up with an explanation to my sudden spout of distress.
The fourteenth. That means it is only four days away- “Don’t worry you didn’t miss the anniversary” he gave a cocky smirk. The anniversary. Oh, no, no, no, I can’t be here that long, an anniversary brings up feelings, ones I don’t wish to revisit.
“Hey what’s got you frowning little bug?” he gently questioned now fully placing himself in an upright sitting position. “I-I” I choked on the lump in my throat.
This was all feeling too real. This had actually happened, he is back and I’m here and my family aren’t. They think I’m dead, they think I’m dead. I felt my lung pushing against my rib cage. My breaths soon becoming quick and shallow.
Panic consumed my brain, crawling it’s way into every crevice and empty space it could find. I pulled at my clothes, all too confined. Not once did I stop to think about the fact I was going to end up stripping in front of this man, all I could think about was getting rid of this feeling.
Crawling off the couch and onto the floor I tore off the fabric burning at my skin, curling up against my knees as I pressed my head into the floor. It was hot, so very hot in here. The tears were running at a fast pace at this point. I could see brief flashes of Noah’s worried face.
I scratched at my neck, my skin fitting too tightly on my body as I sobbed out pointless pleads for help. His voice began invading my ears as I found my body being cradled into his arms.
“Would you like some sand?” Once the words left his mouth my body stopped all the shutting down it was trying to do. My eyes met his, as I focused in confusion at the question, “sand?” I breathlessly muttered. “Oh thank god, I didn’t think that actually worked” he triumphed as he held me closer, his body heat now making me aware of how I was only in my undergarments.
All at once I realised, my skin didn’t feel like it was too tight, and my breaths were no longer shallow and quick. I was too focused on the stupid question he asked, he had helped me. I didn’t know what to say, no one had ever really seen my panic attacks before and even the less noticeable ones I had in front of people, no one was able to deal with it.
That’s when the tears started again, so I buried myself into his chest. I let him have this moment comforting me as he stroked my hair and whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I didn’t know what to think, I felt like beating myself up for admiring how he just calmed me down. I hated him, or well at least, I wanted to hate him so bad, but here he was doing what he always did.
Saving me from the thing no one else could, from myself.