AIDAN
The days were rushing by much too quickly. I waffled between wanting time to go by faster so I could get to spend time with Clio and trying to slow it down so we wouldn’t get to that inevitable point where we had to part ways.
I did everything I could to not think about that day. I guess a part of me thought that somehow, some way, a solution would present itself before the final buzzer. In the meantime, I just had to stay focused on the present. And my current present was a day where Clio was off at one of her surf lessons and Lila had off. We decided to do a daddy/daughter date like when she was younger. That always consisted of a matinee where we filled up on sodas and popcorn and then ice cream afterward.
It was nice to have some time with my daughter. She’d filled me in on all the goings on and drama at the law firm she was working at, and I related some similar experiences I’d had over the years in my practice. I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t try to fix all her hang-ups and issues she ran into as she navigated her career path, but c’mon. I was her dad, and I was going to give her way more advice than she wanted.
We went to see a horror flick, our favorite. Sitting there in the dark with my daughter and sharing a bucket of popcorn with her, I had the overwhelming urge to let her know that something amazing had happened. That two people she cared about had found one another and made each other happy and that it was something to be celebrated. But when she looked over at me with that bright, unassuming smile, I clammed up.
We watched the movie in companionable silence, then per our tradition, I took her out for some rocky road ice cream afterward, hoping to myself that her favorite flavor wasn’t prophetic.
“This is a lot of fun, Dad, like old times. We should do this more often,” she said, taking a swipe at her ice cream cone.
“Yeah, we really should. And if I have my way, we’ll be able to,” I said casually.
She tilted her head, looking at me suspiciously. “What does that mean exactly?”
I shrugged. “Nothing really. I’m just thinking it’s time that I cut back on my practice.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wow, I knew you were feeling burned out, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.”
I shook my head. “It’s not just about being burned out. I just realized that I’m wanting more out of my life…something that clients and successful cases can’t give me.”
She smiled at me with a raised eyebrow. “Something that a companion maybe could give you?” she ventured.
I sighed heavily. “Maybe.”
“No maybe about it, Dad, it’s time you get back out there. You still have time to find that special someone. You’re not dead yet, for goodness’ sake,” she said.
I huffed out a laugh. “Thank you, I think?”
“You know what I mean,” she said, waving a hand around dismissively, “I know you never really got to have that special someone who you can commit to.”
“Hey, I know things didn’t work out, but I was committed to your mother,” I argued, not wanting her to get the idea that I ran around on her mom.
“I know that, it’s just…” she trailed off.
“Just what?” I pressed.
She met my eyes, and I could see an old hurt in them. “I know what Mom did to you, Dad,” she said in a quiet voice.
I felt like someone socked me in the stomach. Her mother and I had been divorced for so long that it almost seemed like it had happened to someone else, but seeing the pain in my daughter’s eyes, it took me right back to that place. “Oh, I see,” I said quietly. “And how is it that you know?” I had to ask since the information wasn’t public knowledge, especially not to her.
Lila sighed, looking a little tentative before she admitted, “One summer when I was staying with her, she came home from a date. It was obvious she’d been a little overserved. I had to help her get to bed, and I guess the booze made her think it was confession time because she told me all about the affairs.
Said that my father was a good man and that she’d been the one to screw it up.” I didn’t know what to say to this revelation. Honestly, I was a little pissed. I’d worked so hard to protect Lila over the years because there were some truths that kids did not need to know about their parents. Then again, here I was hiding something huge from my daughter.
I felt no better than her cheating mother.
A memory dawned on me. “Was that the summer you came home early?”
She nodded. “Once she was sober, I confronted her, and we got into a huge fight. I just decided I’d rather be at home with you. I mean, I knew I’d forgive her eventually, but I was really pissed at her for a while.”
There was a long silence between us as this new information sank in. Finally, I sighed and said, “Well, I, for one, am glad that you chose to forgive her because she really does love you.”
“Yeah,” she said, “I realized that, plus I realized that you two were so much better off apart. I mean, she obviously needed to sow some wild oats and you-you deserve someone more stable and ready to give her all to you…which is why I wish you would go out and find that someone and get started with the rest of your life.” She poked at me, raising her eyebrows in a goofy display.
“Who says I haven’t?” I blurted out before I could think better of it.
Lila’s eyes widened. “Shut up! Have you met someone? Dad! You’ve been holding out on me.”
I sucked in a breath, trying to quell the slight swell of panic that surged inside of me. I hedged, “Well, it’s really new…and a little complicated.” I added the last part for good measure, hoping it would make her change the subject. I was wrong.
She made a face and said, “Dad, you don’t need complicated.”
I smiled gently at her. “Sometimes, it’s worth it.”
She raised an eyebrow again, but this time, it was serious. “She must be to get you out of your dry spell.”
“Excuse me, what do you know about dry spells?” I asked. She opened her mouth to answer, but I put up a hand to stop her. “Nope, scratch that, I don’t need to know.”
She laughed. “Is this ‘new complicated’ person the reason you’ve been walking around here like you’re ten feet tall?” she asked.
I felt a slight hitch in my pulse. We were encroaching on some dicey territory. “Maybe I’m just really enjoying my summer.”
She shook her head at my lack of a real response. “Cagey,” she muttered, then added, “you and Clio both.”
That slight hitch kicked into overdrive, and my pulse went into a full gallop. “What about me and Clio?” I asked, hoping to God that my feelings weren’t showing on my face. I’d spent an entire career attaining success after success thanks to my poker face. I sincerely hoped it wouldn’t fail me now.
“Well, I don’t want to gossip, but I suspect Clio has got herself a man,” Lila said in hushed tones.
“Is that right?”
“Yeah, she won’t give me details, but I know something is up. Haven’t you noticed the change in her from the first day we were here to now? She’s walking with more confidence, she’s much quicker to laugh-all that crap Michael put her through…it’s almost like it never happened, or at least doesn’t matter anymore.”
I couldn’t help the faint smile that curved my lips. She was right, of course. Clio did seem much happier, and I hoped at the very least that this Michael person was now firmly a distant memory for her.
Lila shrugged her shoulders, then said, “Either way, I’m happy for both of you. And I hope that you’re able to ‘uncomplicate’ things with your special friend because I’d really like to see you get a real second chance at love, Dad.”
I smiled at her, biting back my confession. I wanted to unburden myself, but at what expense? I didn’t want to sour their friendship, and Lila needed at least one parent she could trust. I pushed past the heaviness around my heart. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, kiddo…”
I gave my daughter a hug, trying to quell the mix of emotions swirling inside of me. I was sure I’d have more answers about what to do by now, but I was starting to realize I already knew the answer. I was just scared of it because it might hurt like hell.
There was no help for it now. I had to tell Clio how I felt about her.