CLIO
The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. Between surf lessons, hanging out with Lila on her days off, and being with Aidan when she was at work, it felt like I was go-go-go all the time…and I loved it. It also had the added bonus of wearing me out to the point that any guilt I was harboring was quickly taken over by exhaustion.
I had come to the conclusion that Aidan was right. Our relationship was between the two of us, and it really wasn’t anybody’s business. There was no reason we couldn’t enjoy each other, and there was no reason that anybody had to get hurt in this situation.
Being with Aidan had an interesting effect on me. Initially, I thought he was just going to help me explore my sexuality. As time went by, however, it had morphed into something much more than student and patient teacher.
I knew I could easily attribute my boost in self-confidence to being blissed out on orgasms, but deep down, I understood that it was more than that.
I’d spent my lifetime blending into the crowd. There had never been any one thing that was particularly remarkable about me-at least that was what I’d thought. Now, I had this gorgeous man telling me how much he looked forward to hearing my laugh.
He actually engaged in conversation and didn’t seem bored by my excitement over art and music. In fact, he fed those fascinations. I was pretty sure we’d gone to every museum and art gallery within a hundred-mile radius, and he’d never once acted like he was doing me some favor. He acted like he wanted to be there as much as I did.
I couldn’t help but wonder if his interest would last past our summer affair, if he would still be as seemingly fascinated by me if this were to extend past our expiration date. Every time that thought intruded into my happiness, I shook it loose. I was determined not to let worries about the future rule my present. I was done with that. Right now, everything was in the moment. This was something I was reminded of during every surf lesson.
I was still struggling to find my footing on my board, but instructor Toni said she could see me improving and that it was just a matter of time before it all clicked. “It’s okay to be a late bloomer, Clio. They tend to enjoy their successes more,” she told me, and she was right. I was enjoying the hell out of myself with every little win I could manage. I’d never felt like a winner before, but damn,
it was hard not to feel that way when Aidan would look at me with lust-hazed eyes, and I could tell that he was already doing filthy things to me in his head, just waiting for the moment he could make those things a reality.
It was a heady time in my life, and it transformed me in a way that I never thought I was capable of. To my mixed emotions, Lila noticed.
“What have you been up to?” she asked me one afternoon as we ambled across the boardwalk and enjoyed our gelatos we’d picked up at one of the stands.
My pulse quickened at her tone of voice. She didn’t sound mad but definitely suspicious. I decided to play it off. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, there’s definitely something different about you. I mean, I know you’re enjoying your surf lessons, and my dad said he took you to some museums-snooze! I don’t know how you all can have so much fun at those places, but to each their own, I guess, but…” She slowed down, eyeing me thoughtfully.
I didn’t acknowledge her examination, terrified that everything I’d been doing would somehow be written all over my face. “There’s something different about you. I just can’t put my finger on it…” Oh God, I thought to myself, please change the subject.
“Whatever it is, Clio, it’s doing you good,” she said, and I almost choked on my gelato. “No, I’m serious,” she said, mistaking my choking for a snort of derision. “You’re standing taller, you’re laughing more, and you just have this, I don’t know, it’s this sort of glow about you.”
I avoided her eyes. “I think that it’s just a Malibu tan.” I shrugged.
“No, that’s not it,” she said. Damn, she was going to be a good lawyer, but she did not know the meaning of letting things go. She stilled all the sudden, and I dared a glance at her face to see that her eyes widened and her mouth had dramatically dropped open. “I know what it is,” she hissed.
“You do?” I asked nervously.
“I do,” she said with an emphatic smile. “There’s a boy, isn’t there?” she asked in a stage whisper.
“What? No, there’s no boy,” I insisted, thinking that was not technically a lie. One could hardly call Aidan a boy, after all.
“Well, it’s either that or you got a vibrator.” I rolled my eyes at her snark. “Which, for real, Clio, it’s about time. Every adult woman should have a battery-operated boyfriend. Shit, even if you have a real boyfriend, sometimes you still want some quality alone time, you know what I mean?”
“It’s not that either,” I insisted, laughing.
She shook her head at me, smiling maniacally. “Clio, you are the worst liar. C’mon, there is a guy, isn’t there? Where did you meet him? At your surf lesson? On the beach? How romantic,”
“Lila,” I cautioned.
She continued over my protests. “Ooh, when do I get to meet him? You gotta let your best friend vet him out.”
“Lila,” I said in a pleading voice.
“I just have to make sure he’s not another Michael,” she said, and I had to laugh to myself, thinking that the man in my life was the exact opposite of Michael in just about every way imaginable.
“Lila!” I said loudly.
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I’m just excited for you…for whatever it is,” she said, smiling, and I felt like the worst friend in the world. “Whatever it is,” she continued, “keep doing it because I’ve never seen you this happy.”
I looked up sharply at this comment. “I mean it, Clio, I was really starting to worry about you for a while. Seeing you like this makes me so happy. I mean, if anyone deserves some happiness, it’s you.”
I wanted to burst into tears right there on the spot. She threw an arm around my shoulders to comfort me. “Oh, don’t go and get all misty-eyed on me now, Clio,” she teased.
I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat, I wanted to stop her and tell her everything (well, maybe not quite everything) right there. I thought I could keep up the pretense, but at that moment, with my best friend in the world looking at me so earnestly and telling me how excited she was for my newfound happiness,
I could hardly bear the knowledge that everything she was commenting on was because of her father.
I tamped the urge to spill my guts. It wasn’t just me I needed to worry about. If I decided to confess my sins to Lila, it would not only hurt her…but also Aidan.
Aidan and Lila adored each other, and I didn’t have the heart to mess that up. So, I shut my mouth and smiled wanly at my best friend. “Thanks Lila.”
“I’ll always want whatever makes you happy, Clio, no matter what…and I can’t wait to meet this mystery guy,” she added in a hushed tone.