She bristled. “No… it’s not nothing. I know I shouldn’t have done it, and that I should have told you… I’m not arguing that… but you never made it clear to me how important it was to you. If I had better understood your desires or your reasoning… I would have known. But you’re always so damned vague. How was I to know where I stand?”
“That may be. But this is not something I ever expected from you. Not something I thought to plan for.”
She sighed and bit the inside of her cheek, nodding in agreement and furrowing her brow. “I must admit… I haven’t been myself these last weeks… but we can talk of that later… I will accept whatever you deem appropriate as my punishment.”
He snorted derisively. “Punishment?”
She squelched the heat of embarrassment clawing up her throat. “I don’t mean it like that. I’m serious.”
He surprised her by rolling his eyes and turning away to pace. “You’re not a child Calliope, I’m not going to put you over my knee because you’ve been ‘bad’. There are no punishments… just consequences.”
Her jaw tightened again. “Fine, then I accept the consequences of my actions.”
He continued to pace but said nothing.
“I… I don’t suppose you know what they’ll be?”
“How the hell do I know?” He growled.
He sat down on the couch again, this time with his back to her. She couldn’t say how long she stood there staring at his back, but it felt like an eternity. Two eternities even.
Eventually she could stand it no longer and went to him, pausing at his shoulder. She couldn’t see his face, but she could see his arms resting on his knees. He was rubbing one fist with his other hand in a rather unnerving way, but she reached for him anyway, cringing inwardly when she felt him flinch at her touch. She didn’t pull her hand from his shoulder, but she did have to swallow another hot wave of emotion before she could continue.
He didn’t give her the chance. She was almost grateful for it. “Did you think I wouldn’t know it was you? That I wouldn’t recognize you?” He rumbled lowly, still facing away from her.
“I…” she paused to consider it carefully, wanted to make sure she was completely honest… even if it was difficult to say, “I wasn’t sure… but I thought you might. I… half I hoped you would. I hoped that, well, in some way you’d be pleased.”
He did turn to look at her then, and her hand fell from his shoulder. She met his eye and waited and he scrutinized her face. “Pleased?”
“Yes. I understood you might be upset,” she amended, “but I think once I’d agreed to it, well, like I said, I sort of hoped you’d enjoy it… that I could…” She froze up a little under his glare and her words caught in her throat. She took another shaky breath and tore her eyes away. “I want you to like me, to be proud of me, to want me… I didn’t want you to send me away…” her voice shook slightly and she was forced to stop in order to steady it.
He made an odd sound which made her look up. His expression was more confused than angry, though it remained dark. “Why would you think that I would? That makes absolutely no sense.”
“I know… I know, it isn’t rational… I’m not rational, I haven’t been since…” she felt herself choking up again and pinched the bridge of her nose in order to push back the burning tingle that had begun to mount there. She could feel her eyes beginning to water.
“Since what?”
She expelled her breath in a hard rush and gave in.
“Since I discovered…” she raised her eyes to his, praying he’d respond sympathetically to the pleading she knew was there, “that I’m pregnant.”
She couldn’t bare to do so much as breathe.
He stared at her.
Her pulse was loud in her ears and the way her heart pounded in her chest, she thought it might explode inside of her. The silence was so long… devastatingly long.
“How long have you known?” His voice was slow and steady… almost too steady she thought, fighting the panic which was roiling around inside of her, fighting to get free and overwhelm her.
“Ah, well, I’ve been fairly certain… maybe two weeks… at the most. Not long before I arrived here.” He said nothing and his expression was still unreadable. “I’ve been working up the nerve to tell you,” she offered after an uncomfortable moment. “I was afraid you see, it was silly, I know… but I think maybe it’s being pregnant, perhaps. My sister would cry for no reason, or rail at anyone in earshot for the smallest things… so it can have a strange effect on some women… please don’t be angry…”
Still nothing. She was wringing her hands together. She wanted to stop them, but felt if she did she might just burst into tears. Why wouldn’t he say anything?
“Please say something.” She finally whispered, desperate to hear anything, anything at all.
His eyes narrowed, almost imperceptibly. If she hadn’t already been staring so attentively into them, she might have missed it. “What are you so afraid of?”
She felt a wetness on her cheek and realized she was crying. She wiped it away with the heel of her hand, pointlessly since it was replaced immediately by more, and steeled herself as best she could. Though apparently it was not enough to keep her from rambling incoherently.
“That you’d be angry, or… I won’t… you can’t… I mean, I was afraid you would take him… or her, away. Or send me away. If…” she paused to push away more errant, traitorous tears, “if you want… that is, I have a way to prevent it in the future now, but I didn’t know how before. I was inexperienced in these things. And I was afraid because I couldn’t know if you’d be unhappy, so I didn’t know what to do… but it’s done and I won’t part with it… I won’t. I just can’t. Please… I won’t be a problem I swear. Or, I’ll try my best… just don’t-”
“Woman..” he interrupted shortly, “have you gone insane?” He was looking at her incredulously. She stared back uncertainly.
“No?”
“Then why are you babbling like that? Here,” He reached out and took her hand and wrist with a firm grip, pulling it from her stomach where it had instinctively flown as she’d turned into an incoherent mess. He pulled her around the side of the couch until she was facing him properly and took both her wrists in his hands and held her dark, watery eyes with his own fiery ones. “Let’s try that again. What is it you’re afraid of?”
She watched his face for a moment, but he didn’t seem angry… just stern. He was merely… waiting.
Calliope took a deep, shaky breath and tried again as he suggested. “I was concerned that you’d be upset or angry with the news. Most women,” she took another settling breath as her voice hitched and continued, “most women in my position would know how to prevent it, but I didn’t. I didn’t even think about it. And now that it’s done… well, I… you won’t take the child from me, will you?” She continued to watch him for an answer or response. He let out a long sigh, suddenly looking tired.