She flushed and averted her eyes, ashamed. “Yes. You’re right.” Her voice was soft enough that it was possible he didn’t hear her. He gave no indication one way or another.
“Why would you do this without telling me?”
“B-because you… you asked me not to.” she admitted, still looking at the floor.
“So instead of asking me… or telling me… you decided to lie to me?”
If she could have shrunk down into nothing she would have. She certainly felt like she was half way there already.
“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong. I…” she winced, “I played for the same girl the other night as well. But I wore a veil so no one would know,” she looked up hopefully, “so I couldn’t embarrass you and so the others wouldn’t know.”
His face twisted into an expression she didn’t recognize. It wasn’t all anger. He shook his head as if to clear it, looking away.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you lied.” He turned back at her, his expression a strange mixture of sternness and questioning… almost imploring. “How am I to trust you if your first instinct is to keep things from me?”
The cold knot of fear in her throat turned suddenly warm and rushed upward until her eyes were burning with it. She had to swallow it back down to keep the sudden tears from spilling.
What could she say to that? She looked shamefaced back to the floor. “I don’t know.”
“Nothing? No idea?” He hadn’t really raised his voice, but it was tight and harsh, and she cringed.
She opened her mouth, then shut it and shook her head.
“Calliope… what would possess you to do this in the first place? After I’d said not to? You never… this isn’t like you.”
“I know… it… it was sudden. Impulsive. I didn’t think it through. By the time I finally did, it was too late and… I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
She nodded at the floor.
“Of what?”
She opened her mouth to speak again, but changed her mind. Still swallowing her tears, she tipped her head up until her eyes met his and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“What kind of bullshit answer is that?”
She started, but only for a moment, pulling herself back up to her full height and setting her jaw in as determined a tilt as possible.
“It doesn’t matter what reasons I have, or excuses. What I did was wrong. I know you didn’t want me to do it… and I did it any way…”
He let out a frustrated sigh and turned away, walking several steps and stopping in the middle of the room, his hands clenched at his sides. “I don’t care about that.” He looked over his shoulder at her. “Did it even cross your mind, even once that you should tell me first?”
She didn’t want to answer that. But she did, and her heart broke as the words left her mouth. “No. It hadn’t.”
He sighed and looked away.
“I… I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am… it was foolish and impulsive… and I should have told you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No. I can’t change that. But I promise, it won’t happen again.”
He snorted. “And do I believe that?”
She frowned at that. She felt awful… but had it been so terrible a thing she’d done? “My Lord, I should have told you, and I swear I was going to tell you tonight, everything.”
He looked back over his shoulder again, turning to face her. “Is there more to add? What else have you decided to keep from me?” His tone was short with frustration and irritation, and as small and guilty as she felt, it made her bristle slightly in response… but she restrained herself. Partially because it wouldn’t do any good to become emotional, and partially because she knew she had little right to be frustrated just then.
“Nothing that I have done amiss…. just what has been troubling me and that I needed time to think about. I promised to tell you, remember? I was hoping to make good on that tonight.”
“Fine.” He turned to face her fully. “Tell me then.”
She hesitated. This wasn’t the time to tell him, not when he was so angry and dismissive. And she didn’t want him to think she was looking for some way out…. no, they would deal with this first.
“That can wait.”
His eyes darkened but she pushed on before he could argue. “I won’t make my excuses, not yet, and I won’t distract us from the issue until it’s settled.” His frown deepened.
“Settled?”
“Yes. I’ll hear my punishment now… or have it. Then I will explain myself and tell you… my other news.”
He smirked, but it was utterly humorless.
“And what punishment does one met out for betrayal?”
She winced at that. “That’s up to you my lord…” she swallowed her ire… but in the end couldn’t hold it all back, “but really, was what I did so bad? Wrong, yes. Am I sorry and ashamed? Yes… but betrayal? You have to know that I would never have done something I thought could warrant a word like that. Never to you.”
His smirk dimmed. “I trusted you. Completely.” He sighed heavily, exasperatedly. “That’s been broken now, hasn’t it.”
She felt the bottom drop out of her stomach for the umpteenth time. “The-” she stopped herself, “My lord, if I thought for a moment that it was so important… that it was a matter of completely losing your trust, I never would have done it. I honestly thought it would be, at worst, a mild annoyance, and forgotten once it was certain no one but we two knew about it.”
She paused, considering as another thought occurred to her, her voice taking on a tinge of annoyance, “You know, if you trusted me so completely, why haven’t you told me anything about why we’re here, about what’s going on… or anything about yourself for that matter. Everything you have told me I have practically had to tear from you, and even then it’s usually vague.”
“What’s to tell? It’s nothing you need to know, and why take the chance that you’ll say something in passing to the wrong person without realizing it?” He also sounded annoyed… but less so. “Besides, I don’t enjoy talking about myself.” He grumbled.
“Still…”
“Still, nothing.” He interrupted sharply.