“And what have I done to deserve that fear? Is there any point in asking you why you’d think something so absurd?”
She flushed slightly. “It’s not that absurd. You’ve done nothing… I know… I thought you were not likely to be cruel or unreasonable… but…” she trailed off and gnawed on her lower lip.
“But what?”
She averted her eyes, looking instead at the large hands which still held her captive. She moved in closer, stepping between his knees.
He was right. It was ridiculous. How could she have thought that? He wasn’t like that, there was no logical explanation for her reaction.
“I know, you’re right. It’s illogical of me.” Then again it wasn’t that preposterous. “But… I suppose… It had happened to a young slave I’d known as a child, you see… who’d belonged to my father. No one wants a pregnant slave, it’s expensive. It’s easier to buy slaves than raise them. The slave was sold as soon as it was clear she survived the birth… I don’t know what became of the child.”
She met his eyes again, hopeful. “I suppose there was something familiar about the situation. I loved my father and never thought him capable of disposing of one of his own children so easily, even one gotten on a slave. I feared the same here… like him. I would never expect it from you, but…” She trailed off again, watching him closely.
He dropped her hands, and after a long moment he finally spoke. “Do you want the child?”
“Yes.” She whispered. “Very much.”
“Then I don’t see a problem. You have nothing to fear from me.” It was his turn to look down now, though one of his hands lifted and wrapped around her hip, nudging her that much closer, and encouraging her with its firm, warm grip to touch him back.
So she did, sliding her hand against the side of his neck. He winced at the contact, and though the flinch made her gut twist in terrible ways, she didn’t pull away.
He sighed. He wasn’t looking at her, but he didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular, just staring into the narrow space between them. She decided to force him to look at her by closing the distance. It worked, and instead of pushing her away as she had half expected him to, he pulled her into his lap, lifting her so that she could straddled him.
It surprised her, but she was grateful and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and buried her head against his shoulder, hugging him tightly to her. He reciprocated and she felt the tight knot in her throat loosen a little.
She clung to him for an embarrassingly long time, her mind spinning as she tried and failed to interpret his reaction and his continued silence. Eventually she simply relaxed into the embrace and let her arms fall to wrap around his waist instead, though she didn’t dare pull away completely.
“What are you thinking?” She finally whispered.
His chest rose beneath her as he inhaled deeply. However, before he could speak, if he was even going to, a loud knock at the door stopped him. She started at the sound. He sighed and rose to his feet, picking her up with him and calling out at the same time.
“A moment.” His voice sounded strained and rumbled through his chest, making her whole body vibrate. Her mind slipped back to being carried in a similar way by Lot, and his own deep rumbling voice… but there was no comparison.
He lay her down on the bed and pulled her unwilling arms from around his neck. She caught his eye, but the fleeting glimpse told her little.
She rolled away before he made it to the door. She didn’t want who ever it was to see her reddened eyes or stained cheeks. She did catch a female voice before the door closed and by the tone deduced it was probably Lady Nagi. She sighed heavily and curled up into the pillows and sheets.
She was asleep before he returned.
##
The first thing Calliope noticed when she drifted back into consciousness was that the room was cold and that her skin was prickling from the chill. She hadn’t remembered undressing…
Something behind her was warm though… practically radiating heat, and she wriggled back until her side was pressed again the warm bulk. It shifted at the contact, and she woke completely as something heavy draped itself over her, pinning her to the bed with its weight.
She opened her eyes and turned to look at him. His eyes were closed.
She listened for a time to his breathing and decided he was awake. Her hand wrapped around his forearm.
“You were wrong.” She whispered.
“What?” He graveled back softly.
“It was wrong of you to say I betrayed you.”
Silence.
“You’re angry about your friend… aren’t you.” she paused. “It was wrong to take it out on me, and say something so awful. I would never do such a thing, you know that… and it was hurtful of you to say. I would never betray you.”
He did open his eyes, but didn’t respond.
“I wish you trusted me. Why don’t you tell me anything?”
He exhaled slowly. She prepared herself for a lecture. But she didn’t get one.
“I trust you.” Was all he said.
“Funny way of showing it.” She offered when he declined to add anything else. His eyes scanned her face.
“If I don’t tell you something it isn’t because I think you’ll run out and tell everyone, it just lessens the chance of it coming out accidentally. It’s just safer. And some things… I just don’t like talking about. Is that unreasonable?”
She looked into his golden eyes, noticing as he watched her, that the red, burnished flecks seemed to swim strangely in them.
“No.” She whispered. It wasn’t, she admitted silently to herself.
“Thank you.” He closed his eyes again and exhaled deeply. “I’m sorry.”
She blinked. “For what?”
His lip twitched slightly. “You’re right. I overreacted somewhat.”
She bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling.
“But don’t lie to me… or keep things from me.” He opened his eyes. They were glowing red again. She lost the urge to smile and nodded somberly.
“I promise.”
“I don’t like that you felt you had to.”
She tightened her grip on his arm.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I… I care for you… I would never intentionally hurt you.”
“I know.”
She managed to quash the resurgence of her smile… but she couldn’t quite keep it out of her voice.
“Do you know? So arrogant.”
He chuckled, pulled her over by the hip, and rolled them both until she found herself tucked in against his side, with her head resting on his shoulder.
“Why are you so bloody insecure all of a sudden?”
“It’s not that sudden.”
“Well I don’t remember you constantly questioning yourself like this… needing all these reassurances…”
“Sorry… it must be annoying.”
He grunted ambiguously. She took it as an affirmative.
“It’s this place.” she murmured, etching her nails over his stomach, watching the muscles under his skin twitch in response. “I think I hate it here. It gets under your skin.