Ansell’s eyes moved down to the knife that was resting against my wrist and he stopped when he knew that I was serious and I actually was.
One step from him and I will my my nerve.
In fact, this is exactly why I came here. The torture is getting to much for me and it is better if I end my life right now. At least I won’t have to see my family in pain.
“Put the knife down, Nara” he pleaded, his voice softer now, tinged with worry.
I was a bit shocked to hear his soft voice but I knew that it was just a facade to make me take my steps back so that he could torture me in a crueler and twisted way of his.
“This isn’t the way to handle things”
His words were reaching my ear but not my brain. My anger was like a tidal wave crashing over me, drowning out any rational thought. My breaths came in ragged gasps as I held the knife, the blade glinting un the light.
When he. saw that I had stopped for a few moments and my attention had diverted, he started moving towards me with slow and small steps.
“Step away” I wanted, my voice shaky but firm. My hands trembled as I held the knife before, ready to kill either him or me because only this seemed the way to and my pain.
My head spun as my knife tightened but my determination was still strong.
Ansell raised his hands a gesture of surrender, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Nara please, let’s talk about this. Keep the knife aside”
I wanted to believe him, to believe that there was another way, a peaceful resolution. But my anger was a roaring fire, and the knife in my hand was my way of expressing the intensity of my emotions.
“Stay back!” I shouted, my voice cracking with the strain of everything I was feeling at the moment. “There is nothing left no tall about anymore. I wanted to talk but you didn’t listen. Now it is enough of your torture. I won’t let you control me anymore ‘
“Nara, you are not thinking clearly. Just put the knife down” he took another small step toward me. “You are not in the right state of mind”
Tears welled up in my eyes, my vision blurring as the overwhelming surge of emotions threatened to engulf me.
“What about you, Ansell?” I asked, “You are in the right state of mind, but you are not able to think clearly. You are blessed with sharp eyes yet you are blind to the truth”
I could see something passing through his eyes but I couldn’t exactly what it was.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know anymore.
The girl who used to trust everyone now couldn’t trust herself as well. This is how badly he has broken me. I cannot see myself like this anymore. There weight of it all was crushing -too much for me to bear.
A year escaped my eyes as I pressed the knife tightly on my wrist and the skin cut slightly. A single drop of blood from my skin, along with a tear from my eye, dropped in the floor.
“Nara, please, don’t ‘ Ansell’s voice quivered and when I looked up, I found that his body was practically shivering and his ears were red, which reminded me of the old days when his ears used to turn red when he was actually scared and nervous.
He was scared of my next move-of losing me forever.
This reminded me of the old days when everything used to be so beautiful but these people ruined it.
The image of my brother and the suffering of my parents came into my eyes when I closed them. The tears that were filling my eyes previously spelled down my cheeks, drenching them. It was too painful and unbearable for me. Without thinking, I just moved the knife along my lifeline.
A loud yelp escaped my lips not because of the pain that I felt on the wrist which I was expecting but because of the sudden attack that Ansell made over me.
He grabbed me from behind, wrapping his arm around my stomach, lifting me effortlessly from the ground, and the world around me spun as he whirled me around in his grasp. The suddenness of it all left me disoriented, my heart racing not only from the surprise but from the connection I still felt with him despite everything.
His breath was warm against my ear as he held me and I could hear his heart, which was thumping louder than my own heart.
My eyes snapped open when the knife slipped from my grasp without touching my skin and my emotions burst out. The anger that had fueled my actions began to ebb, replaced by a profound sense of emptiness.
Ansell’s arms were wrapped around me tightly as if he was trying to protect me from the storm within me but none other than he himself was responsible for that.
What was the need for it?
I thrashed in his hold as he whirled me around. I saw Desy standing at the door.
The scene felt like a mirror image of the first night I arrived here.
Desy was thrashing in Ansell’s arms while I was Looking at her with sympathy but at the moment, Ansell was trying to control me while she wa looking at me with sympathy. The only difference was that she was pretending to be a victim but I am not. I am actually the victim who has been broken.
“Let me go, Ansell!’ I screamed, my voice hoarse with emotion, as I continued to fight against his grasp without caring that if he left me, I would collapse on the ground and end up hurting myself.
My desorption was raw, not only to break free from the hold of Ansell but also from the suffocating emotions that held me tighter than Ansell.
“Calm down, Nara” his soft and tender voice whispered in my ear, attempting to soothe the tempest raging within me. “Everything is fine”
“Nothing is fine, Ansell” a river of tears streamed down my face, my cries echoing the pain that had been suppressed for far too long.
My whole body shook vigorously as I cried loudly. His hold on my body loosened a bit. He made me stand on the ground and turned me around. His hand cupped my cheek while the other wrapped around my waist to make sure that I was not trying something like that again.
He wiped away the tears from my cheek with his palms and tucked the hair strand in the back of my ear. I trembled and broke down in his arms.
“My life, my family, my career, everything has been ruined”
Sob after escaped my lips and resonated in the kitchen. The dam that I constructed to hold my emotions has burst open and the irony is that I am complaining to the person who himself is responsible for my agony.
“I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drained ‘ I cried as both of them heard me say, “And you say everything is fine’
As turned my tear- filled eyes toward him, my voice grew even weaker, drained of energy. “”For you, yes, everything is fine” I murmured, the words barely audible. “But for me? Nothing is fine. My wild has been devastated ‘
I could see white dots appearing in front of my vision but that didn’t fail me to see the sympathy that pooled in the eyes of Ansell for the first time.
“I will make everything alright” he spoke in a very low tone.
His hold on my wrist loosened and I collapsed on the floor, just beside his feet. My fists clenched involuntarily, grasping at the fabric of his pants as I continued to sob.
“I what everything back to normal. Could you do it for me?” I asked, “I want my happy family back. I want that part of me that I lost forever. I want you the way you were before. I want my brother back”
. At that moment, my soul was lying bare in front of his eyes, and my heart shattered into millions pieces.
I cried with each thing I said. My fingers trembled as I raised my hands to cover my face, my shoulders shaking as I finally allowed myself to break down. The tears flowed freely now, the weight of everything I had been carrying crashing down on me and I couldn’t stop myself from crying so pathetically.
“You can never bring these things back to me, Ansell” I said in between my sobs.
The kitchen was silent, the only thing that could be heard were my painful cries.
My throat dried from all the crying but my tears were not ready to stop.
My eyes were still closed when my head began spinning, not internally but visibly as well. I forced my eyes open, only to be met with a blinding white light that disoriented me further. Ansell said something from above but I couldn’t listen to him.
The world became a blur, and then, with a sickening thud, I collapsed onto the hard floor.
The last thing I heard was Ansell’s frantic cry, which echoed with desperation and pain as he called out my name.
And then, darkness claimed me, the pain and turmoil of the moment finally giving way to a merciful unconsciousness and I have into it with a small painful smile on my lips.