Sunlight hit my eyes, and I instantly rose up, expecting to see the person who appeared to me last night but I hope I did not wake up. I wish I’d stayed sleeping because, as I opened my eyes, I realized it was all a dream.
I sat on the bed and cried. Why do I still want him when I know he has someone else? Why do I still want to see him, even in dreams? Why is it still him after all this time?
I watched myself. Sadness is devouring me again, even now that today is my birthday.
Despite my heavy heart, I went out of my room and instantly saw the things on the table in the open living room. I pressed my lips together and suppressed my loud cries. I gently approached it and noticed a book and a gift package. What’s this? Who brought me this?
Then I recalled that I was on the couch last night. How did I get into my room? It became hard for me to walk. What’s happening?
“Meow, meow.”
I looked at Mael and noticed him approaching me. He is dressed. I shed even more tears. I instantly rose up to search for the only man who sprang to mind. Only he can do this to me. Is it not?
But I searched every area of my house, and there was no trace of his presence outside. How could you do this to me, Ismael? How can you appear on my bedside while I am sound asleep, leave me without providing an explanation? Are you torturing me?
I returned to the living room to look at the items left on my table. The book I gave him as a present is now in front of me. And now I can confirm that Ismael had come to me. Impossible otherwise. I don’t want to believe someone else brought it. It’s only him. He came back to me last night.
And now I had hope again. I took a present box and see it myself. I read his letter on a little card. “Happy Birthday!” Tears kept streaming down my cheeks. Two words, but they made me cry. How can I have a joyful birthday now that he’s gone? But where are his explanations? Why is it not here? He is responsible for how I feel right now.
When I opened the gift, I was shown a lovely model of a cellphone. Was he aware that mine was broken, and why did he give me this? How did he know? Is he still around here? Why doesn’t he show up? Is he punishing me?
“Ismael…” I whispered as if I had no doubts. It’s as if I forgot all he did to me and was left with the realization that I still love him despite everything. Something like this would entice me to return and give me hope. My entire existence revolves around him once more. Because of what he did, I regained strength. I believe that, even though he is far away and not present, he is not missing.
Ismael, why are you like this? What do you truly desire this time?
I wiped away my tears, even though they were still falling. I put my SIM card in the new phone and tried calling Ismael, but he didn’t respond. The call to him is not connecting. What’s this? Is he playing with me?
I was astonished when my phone rang unexpectedly. It was unknown international phone number. I was expecting that it was Ismael so I answered immediately, but it is not him. It was Savannah.
“Happy birthday, Thea!” she greeted me. On the other end of the telephone, I can sense her enthusiasm. “I’m sorry I won’t be with you to celebrate your birthday. I’m in Italy right now. I simply called to say hello and inquire how you are doing in the Philippines. Are you OK?”
“Yeah,” I simply said. I know she’s there to take care of the business she’ll start. I really wish I could be like her eventually. Someone who can do whatever she wants without worrying about how much money is needed. “Thank you, Sav. I miss you.
“Hey, are you crying? Why are you sounding so stuffy? Has something happened?” She sounded quite worried. I bit my lip. I am in tears again.
“Ismael…” I sputtered in response. “I think Ismael was here, Sav.”
There was a period of stillness between us. I overheard her sigh. “What do you mean? Are you certain?”
I told her what I saw when I woke up. She simply listens to me closely. I sniffed. “I may seem crazy, but he is the only person who has access to my residence. We had already set up our fingerprints on the smart door lock.”
“I understand, but why are you crying? We mounted the camera, correct? Why don’t you check it?” she asked quietly. I instantly jumped up and looked at the camera that Sav and I had set up long ago to catch Ismael.
“Hold on, Sav,” I murmured before pulling out my old phone and opening the camera app. My shoulders fell as I noticed an issue in the program. It says the cable isn’t attached. I checked the camera and the connections attached and discovered why it wasn’t working.
“What happened, Thea?”
“Mael bit the wire.” I closed my eyes. I could also hear Sav sighing on the other end of the line. I believe she is sorry for my circumstances.
“Then we can’t be sure Professor Mondalla brought you the gifts. Does anyone else know your password? Your birthday? And that your phone was broken?” she inquired one after another. I shook my head, as if the person I was speaking with was right in front of me.
“What about the book How can this book be here? I gave him this on his birthday last year,” I insisted.
“Maybe he asked someone to return it?”
“Why would he return it?”
I heard her exhaling again. “I’m sorry, Thea, but I truly don’t know. I wish I had the answers to all of your questions. I am also worried about your situation. If I could merely confront Professor Mondalla, I would do so, but he is not present. He does not show up for us, especially for you. To be honest, I’m annoyed too. What’s his motive for not showing up? Why is he keeping away from you? You stated that he pledged to marry you. Why isn’t he there? What is the reason you two haven’t married yet?” I heard her sob. She is also crying for me. And that breaks my heart. What am I doing? Why am I getting stuck in the cycle again?
“He said, he wants to give me time.”
“Fuck it, Thea. I don’t know what else to believe in anymore. Because if I am the one to love, I want him to be by my side at all times. Why would he leave you here? I don’t want to say it, but he’s confusing you, Thea. I also don’t know why he’s doing this to you.”
I bit my lip. I realize how foolish I can become in the blink of an eye. I’m incredibly stupid when it comes to that person. I’m not even sure what to believe now.
“What about your application to LMC? Did you get accepted?” she changed the subject, which I’m glad she did since otherwise I’d be drowning in thoughts about Ismael.
“No, Sav. I don’t believe I did. They said they’d just call me.
“I see,” she assured. “Wait, I’ve been wanting to tell you this. I know someone who owns a tiny perfume company where you can apply for a job. This is quite modest, Thea, in comparison to the LMC, but I believe you need it more. Smaller company, more issues, and more labor to complete. You get me?”
I giggled at what she said. I’m not sure whether she was simply trying to make me feel better, but it was very helpful since it worked. I’m sad since the LMC did not inform me that I did not pass. Thank goodness Savannah was here for me.
“Yeah, I get it.”
“You know, it’ll really benefit you. It will divert your attention to something more sensible. The company’s name is Safira. I’ll send you their official email address so you can send your CV.”
She made me smile. No matter what, she was a huge assistance to me. I am quite fortunate to have a mature friend like her. She is totally different from what I know. I guess I’m getting older backwards.
“Thank you, Sav. Thank you for being with me.”
“Of course! You’re my only pal! I am always happy to help you!”
She hung up after our long conversation. I wiped the tears off my face. In fairness to Savannah, she was willing to pay a high price merely to speak with me for an extended period of time. Maybe she lost her mind when we made an international call, or is she just extremely wealthy? Somehow, I felt lighter. It’s wonderful to have someone to chat with, and I’m grateful that Sav contacted me because I don’t know where I’d find money to call her since it is really expensive.
I decided to go out and buy food for my birthday. Yes, I should celebrate it. I should be glad that another year has been added to my life. Even today, I’m prioritizing my own thoughts over the millions of queries concerning Ismael.
I sighed as I went to the grocery store. Baked macaroni and a tub of dark chocolate ice cream will suffice. I will simply savor the present moment, as tomorrow will be no different than any other day in my adult life. I’ll look for a job again. Hold on. I checked my phone, and Savannah, as promised, had emailed me the email address of the company she was referring to. Safira. I’ve never heard of that brand. Maybe Sav is correct; that brand is that small, which will put my skills to the test as a novice.
I waited in line at the cashier while clutching my basket of groceries. It’s not that much.
“Jothea?”
I looked up at the person who had called me.