Lilith
Flashback (A new city)
With trembling legs, I walked into the ward, sitting on the bed, awaiting the doctor.
Today was the day I would terminate my pregnancy.
It was barely 2 months, so there was no emotional connection.
A part of me felt this was the only suitable solution. I could bring this baby to my unending world filled with pain.
I was sure this was a sign.
Since the day I was aware that I had conceived, it’s been hell.
Rejection. Pain. Misery. Tears. Regret. Even death.
My life was ugly. I couldn’t risk bringing a child into it.
It was so terrible that I had become accustomed to bad things happening. Good things never lasted. It was always ruined.
Maybe it was destiny.
Convincing myself, I took a deep breath. This was the best option.
When this is over, I would move on with Rose, take care of her and give her the perfect life that I never had. Thankfully, her cancer was gone.
She was the only reason I lived after my mother’s death.
“Good morning, Miss Parker.” The greeting from the doctor jolted me from my long train of thought.
Clearing my throat, I forced a smile. “Good morning, doctor.”
Nervousness got the best of me, making me grab a fistful of the white sheet beneath me.
“Are you ready for the big day?” He asked while I replied humming.
“Before we start, I would like to go over the previous questions I asked.”
“Just get this over with, let me fucking go home to my sister!” I yelled in my mind as I thought of what Rose was doing all alone at home.
After our mother’s death, she took time to heal. Fear accompanied her as she felt our mother was following her everywhere, especially when she wouldn’t stop dreaming about her.
While I found it nice that they had a bond, she found it terrifying.
Coupled with our narrow escape from the estate. She always had a nightmare that the men that almost caught up with us finally had us in their nest.
She has been going to therapy, but leaving her alone would trigger her fears.
That was the only option. I couldn’t let her know I was getting an abortion.
“No problem,” I replied, clearing my dry throat as nervousness clung to me like a second skin.
“Why do you want to terminate this child?”
Sadness hit me as the memories with Alpha Casper flashed in my mind.
“Because that is the only solution,” I replied sharply, gritting my teeth to avoid slipping into tears.
When I’m done with the procedure, I would never have unprotected sex or forget to take birth control pills to avoid putting myself in this situation.
“Are you sure? If you don’t have the funds to take care of your baby, we have couples waiting to adopt right after you deliver. They will take care of you all through your pregnancy journey and pay you off when the child is born.” He explained, searching my eyes for any reaction.
Shaking my head as I did quick thinking, I swallowed, insisting on the abortion.
“Fine. Before we proceed, we usually scan or do a sonogram for our patients to see their fetus one last time before taking this big decision.”
“Fine. Let’s just get this over with. I have something important that I have to attend to,” I muttered, rolling my eyes boredly.
Laying on the bed as instructed, I pulled my clothes to show a bit of my stomach and public region while the doctor lubricated my skin with a watery substance.
Following the direction of his fingers, my eyes were glued to the monitor that displayed a fetus.
The rest of the doctor’s words, explaining the body parts flew out of my head as I was mesmerized with the picture.
Guilt warmed its way to my heart as tears blinded my eyes.
The fetus sat there so innocently, moving slightly, unaware of the danger that was about to take place.
I was about to take its life most maliciously.
I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt forever.
If it wasn’t for my actions, Alpha Casper wouldn’t have rejected me.
It was my mistake and I would fix it.
Since the child was conceived in love, it will grow in love.
“Stop!” I screamed, pushing the small hand machine that he moved over the lower part of my stomach.
“I don’t want this anymore. I’m not terminating this pregnancy…” I almost choked in tears, jumping off the bed as I hurriedly wore my dress.
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” I apologized while a smile etched on the doctor’s face.
With relief in my heart, I dashed out of the hospital, heading home.
It was my mistake and I would fix it.
I would raise my child myself and give him the perfect life he deserved!
*****
Lilith
5 years later.
“What are we celebrating, mummy?” Liam’s soft voice rang when he saw Rose and I clad in a dark dress.
Tears welled up in my eyes with how fast he had grown.
I would be forever grateful to the doctor for giving me reasons not to terminate the pregnancy despite having him for the procedure.
I was glad I didn’t make the rash decision that I would regret for the rest of my life.
Since his birth, he had been a sweet boy and he was super smart.
“Grandma’s posthumous birthday,” I replied, sitting on the chair in our small house.
“Where is the cake?” he grinned, exposing his incomplete dentition as his eyes searched the kitchen area.
“There is no cake.”
“Why? What is a posthumous birthday?” He asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.
“A birthday to celebrate the dead.”
“Oh,” he went, digesting my words as silence grew in the air.
Rose was a pile of mess. It didn’t help that our mum died a day after her birthday.
She has refused to eat or be in a cheerful mood since yesterday.
Sadness wormed its way to my heart. I hated remembering that I left in a rush without burying her.
I wish I was there to lay her to rest, drop some sand on her coffin and place a bouquet on her grave.
Thankfully, it was handled by Anna and Daphne.
But I longed to see where she was buried.
It’s been 5 years, I wasn’t sure if Calix and his group would bother me anymore. Their messages stopped when I changed location and my contact.
I had saved enough money for the trip since I got to this small city.
After deleting Fantastic app and withdrawing my money, I found a job at a small bakery where I made pastries and cupcakes. It was enough to pay our rent and give us a simple life.
“Mum?” Liam called, shooting his sad eyes into mine.
“Are you all right, darling?”
“I was bullied at school.”
Who bullies each other in a kindergarten class?
“One of my classmates bullied me for not having a father while the rest laughed so I got mad and punched him in the face. I don’t think I want to go to school anymore.”
“I forgot to tell you that he got in trouble for fighting yesterday,” Rose chimed in, placing Liam on her lap while she petted him.
“Liam, you shouldn’t fight,” I cautioned, hardening my voice.
“Maybe if I had a father, I wouldn’t be bullied,” he muttered, guilt clawed my heart as Liam’s face contorted in sadness.
“Don’t talk like that, honey. You have I and Rose and we shower you with love-”
“And also buy you gifts and toys,” Rose added, trying to lighten Liam’s mood and take his mind off his father.
“Who is my daddy? Did I even have a daddy? Where is he and why isn’t he here with us? Everyone in my school has a daddy except me.”
“Why am I different? It hurts.” He cried, dropping his head on Rose’s body with his small palms, covering his face.
“Liam…”I called, trying to pet him.
“I want my daddy!” He yelled, sprinting into his room and shutting the door loudly while Rose and I exchanged a nervous glance.
The shrilling noise from my phone caught my attention.
Unlocking it, I found it was a text from Daphne with a picture of a bouquet of flowers on my mum’s grave.
It’s been 5 years of doing this alone. I miss you. Wish you were here so we can celebrate her as a family.
Tears welled in my eyes as I read the message.
After giving it a thorough thought, I grabbed my phone and replied to her text.
You are right. It’s time I come home!
“Rose?” I called, tapping her gently.
“What do you say? We go to Mum’s cemetery to give her the respect and flowers she deserves.”
Excitement flooded her face as she jumped on me in a warm embrace.
“That would be a great idea,” she answered, grinning from ear to ear.
My phone beeped and Daphne’s message flashed across the screen.
I’ll pick you at the airport, bestie!