It was a few months till Autumn, and the air was becoming chilly. Max was letting me have the car for a day while he stayed home with Finn at his place. I pulled into the driveway, turning off the ignition. Finn hooted and clapped in delight.
“We’re home!”
He’d begged to stay with Max for the weekend, as well, and while they hung out, I planned to get my shit together and try a blind date out. I wasn’t getting any younger, and tying myself down by what had happened wasn’t doing me any good.
Looking up at Max through the rearview mirror, I caught his eyes, his lips parted as though he wanted to say something. It had become a habit for him to do this each time I was about to take the car back home with me – lingering as though he had more to say. He twirled the keys in his hands idly, not taking his eyes off me even for a second. At last, he whipped his gaze to Finn. “Hey, soldier. Mind going in while I talk with Mamma for a bit?”
“Okay, Daddy,” Finn giggled, snatching the keys from his grasp, and leaning over to kiss my forehead softly. “Bye, Mamma.”
“Bye, sweetheart. Don’t forget your backpack,” I said as he jumped out of the car, and ran up the stairs. Exhaling quietly, I sat back with my hands on my lap. Max got out of the car and walked around it, over to the passenger’s seat where Finn had sat earlier.
We sat in dead silence for a minute, before he spoke up. “You know you can stay for dinner if you want to. Finn would be very happy.”
I rolled my eyes, pasting on my best, fake smile. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good. Finn wouldn’t mind. He has you, his superman, for the weekend.”
He stared at me for a few minutes, frowning. “You heard what the judge said to us that day, didn’t you? Fuck it, Elaine, I’m trying here. How long are you going to stay mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, you’re not mad at me. You loathe me.”
“Max…” I trailed off, exasperated. “I don’t loathe you.”
“Still doesn’t change the fact that you can’t stand me. What else do you want me to do?”
“Nothing, Max. I want you to do nothing. I don’t like this pretense… that everything is cool between us, and we’re one big and happy family. I’m no fool, Max. These past weeks scarred me… the most horrific time of my life and you were a huge contributor to my pain,” I shook my head, not willing to think about it. “Just forget about getting back together. It’s impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible,” he persisted. “Can’t we at least be friends? Please.”
“Sure,” I snorted, averting my eyes back out the window. “Now, get down. I’ve got a lot of things to do back at home.”
“Are you chasing me down from my own car?” he glared at me in disbelief.
I doubled over in laughter, which only infuriated him the more. “Your car? You bought this car for me, remember? Because you couldn’t bear having your darling son go to school on foot. Stop playing mind games and get the hell down. I don’t want to be your friend or have anything to do with you. You’re my son’s father and nothing else. You severed our ties, so don’t you dare act like I’m the one with a problem here.”
“Wow,” he gaped at me. “I see you’ve probably found someone else, isn’t it?”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t need to,” he shook his head, his eyes glassy. “It’s evident in your demeanor. Suddenly you’ve become so bold and heartless…”
“Max…” I curled my fists, closing my eyes in a bid to control my rage. “If you don’t get out of the car now, I will.”
“I don’t like what you’re doing to me, Elaine. I don’t fancy this, bold, independent sassy bitch act you’re putting up. I know I’ve fucked up, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness but please take out your anger on me. Do not hold it back or wrap it underneath this whole facade. I can’t stand it.”
I nodded, pursing my lips. “Are you done?”
“Elaine…” he pressed.
“I have no reason to be angry at you, Max. That was way back when I still cared. Now I don’t. Get down already.”
–
“Hello, Elaine,” Max’s deep baritone boomed through. I propped myself up to sit on the couch, trapping the phone in between my cheek and shoulder. It was Wednesday, and Finn had gone over to his place yesterday. “I’m so sorry for interrupting your sleep but I need your help.”
“Is everything alright over there?” I asked in a whisper, a million possibilities wafting through my mind. “Where’s Finn?”
“He’s here. He’s fine, Elaine. It’s just that Margaret can’t come in today as I thought she would. She called to tell me she’s gone for her weekly check-up because the hospital won’t be working on Saturdays anymore.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Maybe we can skip today, and you can have tomorrow instead?”
“No, no, no,” he replied quickly. “I’ve got a lot of work to handle at the office tomorrow, and there’s no guarantee that Margaret will show up tomorrow as well.”
I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I thought hard for a minute. “So, what do you intend to do?”
“Well, I was thinking if we could come by your place and spend time together. I’ll tuck him in a leave afterward because I’ve got to leave for the office very early tomorrow.”
“That’s… fine. When do you intend to bring him over?”
“We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
–
I stood at the window, cleaning my wet hands against my dress as they both rushed up the porch steps into the house. Max had Finn strapped loosely on his back, the both of them laughing as he twirled around.
“Hey, boys,” I forced a smile through, my voice tight. Max bent low to let Finn jump off. “How is your day going, Finn?”
“Good!” he clapped happily, his eyes brimming with happiness. “Daddy took me to the zoo, and we also got some ice cream on our way here.”
“That’s lovely,” I beamed, ruffling his hair. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”
“He also taught me how to play tag. And wrestle!”
Oh boy. “That’s…”
“INCOMING!” he screamed as he lunged at Max, wrapping his small arms around Max’s tall legs and attempting to lift him off his feet.
“Easy there, little man,” Max chuckled, trying to lay off his punches.
“You said I should never go easy!” Finn hooted.
“Yeah. Take that!” Max said as he carries him up and flipped him over, spanking his butt while Finn kicked about wildly. “Surrender, son.”
“Never!”
“You asked for it!”
“The both of you are messing up my living room!” I cried, watching them fight in horror. “Finn, what’s gotten into you? Max, what did you do to my little boy?”
“I did… nothing,” Max managed, his face held down by Finn, who was sitting atop him now. “He simply vanished.”
“Bloody lair!” Finn screamed, bouncing on his head.
“Enough! Cut it out now,” I yelled, startling them. Finn quietened, sliding off his father. “Now, young man, it’s a minute past bedtime. You have preschool tomorrow. Max? Take him upstairs.”
“Okay.”
As they rushed up the stairs, I poured myself some coffee and settled on the couch to watch Wednesday. For four hours, I sat there, focused on the screen, waiting for Max to come downstairs but he never did. At last, I got tired and went upstairs, shocked to find out that Max had fallen asleep beside Finn, his large arms draped protectively around my little boy.
Leaning my head against the wall in the dimly-lit hallway, I smiled. I’d never seen my boy so happy, so fulfilled, so joyous since I birthed him. This was exactly what I wished for since I had him. Max loved him. So much.
With loving parents, a gleaming present, and a shimmering future, Finn had everything. And for once, my mind was at rest. I had nothing to worry about now. Nothing.
Nothing but ending up lonely.