The reflection of the hanging strobe lights flickered across the pool. It was a little before sunset, and the waiters were dressed in bright white starched shirts and red glittering pants, circling with trays balanced on their curt fingertips. It was a pretty chill Saturday night and Ryan was having a party to celebrate his one-year anniversary with his boyfriend, Jake.
I was seated with Samson and the rest of the boys. Jess was home, taking care of the newest member of the Sturm family – Ashton, with Ryan helping her out, despite being needed here. Samson was agitated, and I knew he wanted nothing but to bolt out of this place and go home to her. I didn’t blame him though, Jess was one in a million, and there were times I was forced to concede that their love for each other was better than the best fairytale out there.
Before he met Jess, Samson was a party whore. He fucked around, with multiple girls, and stayed at clubs till dawn, yet still managed to turn up for work in the morning without getting hungover. I’d taken after him in this regard. When Jess came by, all sunny and pretty in a white waitress dress, the deal was not to fall in love. At all. She gave him a hard time, and it was hard to believe that they first had sex on their wedding night. Samson was never one for that much patience, but with her, he was practically unglued.
It baffled me. How he managed to go home each day to the same woman, the same home, and not feel bored. He saw her every fucking day of the week, slept beside her, fucked her even, and he still wasn’t tired. Quite surprising, if you asked me. And now that they had kids, one would think that they wouldn’t have time for each other, but the reverse was actually the case. They grew stronger in love, supporting and being there for each other at all times.
Ever since Finn and Elaine came into my life, I stopped chasing after the next skirt, just like Samson when he found Jess. I now understood him more. I craved coming home each day to them because they were both my most favorite people in the world, even though Elaine hated me so much. There were times I wished I could go back in time and set everything right. Make everything fine.
The party was clogged with stunning women, and they stared at me flirtatiously every damn second, trying to entice me, but all I was concerned about was consulting my watch to make sure I don’t miss ringing my son to sing him a lullaby at nine-thirty.
I was not the Max Sturm I used to be, and I was beyond grateful for that. Growth happened to me. It was beautiful.
“Hey, gorgeous,” a sultry voice whispered behind me. I turned slowly, pleased to see Aurora in a tight smoking hot pink dress, her hair bunched up into a bun, held together by smoldering crystals. She beamed at me, showing off her perfected dentition.
“Hey, Aurora,” I said excitedly, rising up to kiss her lightly on the cheek. She waved at the boys.
“Hey, supermen. How’s it going?”
“Very well, sweetheart,” they all chorused politely – except Manny who was pretending to be on a phone call. He had a thing with Aurora in the past, and it didn’t end up well. Now, they either avoided each other like the plague or tried to feign as though the other person didn’t exist. She turned to me again.
“It’s been so long since I last saw you, Max. You look so handsome… and happy. I’m impressed.”
“Thank you, Aurora. You look absolutely gorgeous yourself. Who’s been taking good care of your all this while?”
“Oh, don’t flatter me,” she laughed, swatting my arm. “I’ve just been low-key, working and improving on myself – it’s paying off. At least I can afford anything. Care for a drink? It’s been so long, and I want to hear what you’ve been up to.”
Judging by the way her nails were digging into the crook of my arm, it was suggestive that she was suggesting something other than catching up. I knew the tactics. “Maybe next time, Aurora. I’m very busy tonight.”
“Oh, okay,” she lowered her eyes in disappointment. “I understand.”
“Thank you.”
As she sauntered away to greet a couple of men standing a few meters off, my eyes followed the sway of her hips. Strangely, I felt… nothing. It felt pretty basic.
“Max, don’t tell me you just turned down her offer,” Fred gasped in disbelief. “What the fuck has gotten into you? She gave off all signals that she’s pretty much into you.”
I picked up my glass, swirling the shiny red liquid in it for a while. “Honesty is a virtue. You should try it sometime, man.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged. “I turned her down because I’m not interested. It’s that simple.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why? You’re normally not this laid back when it comes to chicks,” he glanced at Manny. “Help me here, man. Max has gone all soft. He hasn’t hooked up with any girl in months.”
“It’s his decision, Freddie,” Manny said quietly, shaking his head. “And by the way, don’t tell me that you haven’t heard that Max is now a family man.”
Freddie scoffed. “Oh, please. Since when?”
“Since Elaine,” I chirped.
His jaw slacked, eyes widened in horror. “You haven’t had sex since Elaine? How the hell do you want me to believe that?”
“It’s the truth,” I maintained. “No one really does it for me these days, and frankly I’m thinking about quitting this lifestyle for my son. He’s my top priority.”
They all exchanged glances, shocked. I emptied my glass, and glimpsed at my watch once more, disappointed to see that I still had over an hour left till it was Finn’s bedtime. I wanted to be anywhere else but at that party.
“And Elaine? I thought the two of you had something going on?” Freddie prodded.
I sighed, sadness enveloping me. “We broke up. Manny should’ve filled you in on all these.”
“What? Why? How do you two stand each other?”
“We do it for Finn. He’s the most important thing to us – his happiness is. I severed our ties, Freddie. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.”
“Well, if there’s anything I’ve learned from these relationship dramas, it’s that you should try, try, and try again.”
“I’m done trying. There’s absolutely nothing I can do at this point that’ll make a difference to her. She’s decided to stay away from me, and now we just tolerate each other. Fuck, it hurts. It fucking hurts,” I buried my face in my hands, messing my hair up. Samson patted my shoulder softly.
“Everything will be fine, man. Cheer up.”
“No, Samson. Nothing is absolutely fine. I messed up. I went too far with my revenge and I took her for granted. What if I don’t find ever find a girl who makes me feel the way she does? What if she hates me forever? What if she’s truly the one meant for me and I messed everything up because I’m a fucking idiot?”
“It’s not your fault. You two fell out because you were trying to protect Finn.”
“How the fuck do I make her see things that way?” I brushed the few tears that were now trickling down my face. “What if I try to get close to her and push her further away?”
“You’ll never get the answers you seek unless you speak to her, mate. Right guys?”
The boys bobbed their heads in approval.
“You’ve got to make a conscious effort.”
“I don’t think you understand the kind of tight situation I’m in. If I make a move, I’m screwed. If I don’t make a move, I’m still screwed either way.”
“Fuck,” he exhaled. “This is… terrible.”
I sipped my drink. “Tell me about it. Maybe I just need to let her go and be contented with just being co-parents. Might be hard, but I’ll forget about her in a few years, I think.”
“You think?” he scowled derisively. “And what if you don’t? What if when you’re finally ready to talk she’s moved on? With a dashing husband and three cute kids? What would you do?”
I blinked, the hairs on my arms were suddenly static. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. God, Freddie, that’ll hurt.”
“Then stop being a wuss and get your shit together. You don’t have all the time in the world.”
“What if – ”
“Enough with the ‘what-ifs’ and get your arse up from that seat,” Freddie bellowed, attracting the attention of virtually everyone around. I shivered, keeping my head down. Freddie waited for the chatter to start back up again before continuing. “Elaine is a beautiful woman. She’s got character and great wits… so many men would find it hard staying away from her.”
I clenched my fists. I couldn’t stand the thought of her ending up with someone else.
Samson pressed my shoulder softly. “He’s right. I’m sorry I contributed greatly to your split. I only wanted to protect what was ours – Finn is ours- so I wasn’t thinking straight. Come on, man. Let’s go get your woman.”
“It’s late already. She might be asleep.”
He shook his head with a coy smile. “No, she’s actually hanging out at my place with Jess and Ryan. Finn is playing upstairs with the children and I’m supposed to go back home to them in thirty minutes.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
“Attaboy,”