Adea
“I’m sorry for yelling,” Shane said. My eyes went wide at his apology. Shane didn’t apologize. It went against everything he stood for. It went against everything he’d been raised. Not once had he ever said sorry to me. He was still angry but not as much as he had been.
“Every night that we spent away from each other was another night I was plagued with images of the two of you together. It drove me mad and I did some really shitty things. I wasn’t myself.” Shane gave me an apologetic smile.
“I may have been crazier than usual. I was in a dark space and I did things that I thought would bring me closer to you. That night in the woods, I came for you. When I realized I couldn’t get to you, I couldn’t leave empty-handed. I refused to retreat in defeat. I knew another opportunity wouldn’t present itself and I did things that hurt you. I was angry and plagued by the images of him with you. I won’t apologize for what I did because they got me to where I am now but… I’m sorry for the hurt those things caused you.”
My shoulders drooped, I slumped where I sat, and I closed my eyes. I didn’t know what to think or feel right now. I had come here with a plan and that plan still held out. Were his words enough to sway me? No. Was I tempted? I couldn’t answer that.
I refused to let his pretty words break me but it didn’t change the fact that Shane had saved me. He’d hurt me emotionally and physically. He’d hurt the people I loved and he wasn’t sorry for his actions. I opened my eyes as Shane squeezed my thighs.
“I’m not asking you to choose me, Ady. Because at this point, I’m lost without you. I can’t give you a choice. I know who you would choose because you’ve already made it,” Shane said as he looked at the mark on my neck.
“I’m asking you to acknowledge how hard I’ve tried, how loyal I have been to you. I was lost. That night at the Crescent Moon Ball, I lost it and because of my weakness, because of my anger, I lost you. If I had only been paying attention, I could have-.” Shane shook his head.
“No, that was stupid of me to think I could have done anything about it. Now that I look back at it, I was blinded by my anger. I was on his lands, under his house, subject to his rules. I had to obey the law and I broke it. Even if I hadn’t fucked up the way that I had there was no way I would have been able to walk out of Desert Moon with you in my arms. Either way, I would have lost you that night.”
“Yes,” I nodded, “You wouldn’t have had a choice. The moment we stepped into the Ball, I was Ethan’s.”
“You were mine,” Shane growled as he closed his eyes.
I’m speechless. We’ve talked about so much today. The sun is about to start its descent and the moon will begin to rise and end this day. My mind and heart hurt and even though I don’t want to be, I’m at a crossroads.
Shane’s hands disappear from my thighs and soon wrap around my hands. I’m forced to look into the eyes of this man in front of me. Since I’ve been here he’s only further proved he’s the monster I know him to be. That in itself should strengthen my resolve to follow through with my plan.
So why? Why am I questioning myself? Why am I questioning why I’m here? Why am I questioning what I’m doing here? Why am I so conflicted? Why is my heart hurting the way it does?
Shane has done nothing but get under my skin and I can’t, I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t let him sway me from the plan. I still have Gabe, I still have the revenge I’m seeking for him.
I still have… My heart aches. I do remember feeling something for him before everything happened. I remember the small buildup of electricity I felt when his fingers pressed against my skin.
I will not be swayed. I’m here for a reason and I can’t let myself be distracted from the plan. I just need to focus on the plan and I need to use this weakness of Shane’s to get what I came here for.
Just because he saved me once doesn’t mean I still owe him. The one act of kindness he showed me doesn’t excuse all of the terrible ones that followed. It doesn’t excuse the torture he inflicted on Olivia, the sexual abuse I knew he caused, or the pain Gabe has had to endure.
No, saving my life doesn’t excuse all of the horrendous things he’s done. So no, I can’t forgive him. I won’t forgive him. This doesn’t change anything. There’s a course set in front of me and I won’t be deterred. I’m still walking down that path.
I’m here for vengeance, I’m here for revenge, I’m here to protect those I know he’s going to hurt. In my gut, in my heart, I know these things to be true. I know it with every fiber of my being and yet.
The way he’s looking at me and the way he’s touching me. He’s treating me as if I were the most important person in the world to him. I already knew he was obsessed with me. From all of the things he’s done in the past year, I already knew the lengths he would go to.
“I hear you are my person,” Shane murmured.
I’m confused by what he means until I remember my words from earlier. The same ones I’d spoken to Duke. Shane’s breath is on my cheek, my hands are pulled close to his chest, and he’s holding on tightly. The look in Shane’s eyes is dangerous and if I’m not careful, I might just fall.