Adea
When he opened his eyes again, they were still angry but cold and distant. Something in my gut twisted uncomfortably. Ignoring it, I focused on the danger here. I needed him to want me. I needed him to stop talking about wanting me in the past tense. His need for me was the only thing that would ensure my safety.
“I was naive to think you would reject him, Ady but it didn’t stop me from wanting it,” Shane said, his voice low. “Goddess, I wanted it.”
“Rejecting him wasn’t even on my mind,” I whispered. “What about everything you’d done to me, Shane?! What about all of those times you touched me or forced me to do something? Do you know how degrading it was to have alpha power used on you? Did my feelings not matter?!”
It was the opposite of what I should have said. I had literally come here to take advantage of his obsession with me. I just told myself that I would do whatever it took to get him back on my side. I preferred to be five feet above the ground and not five feet under. Yet here I was, raising my voice to a man who had committed murder not even an hour ago. Brilliant plan, Adea.
“Of course, it hadn’t been on your Goddess damned mind! You only ever cared about yourself. You never looked around you at anyone else. Do you know how hard it was to keep my hands off of you? I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I think I did pretty fucking well for holding myself back for almost four years!”
“Wow, thank you, Shane! I’m so fucking thankful you kept your hands to yourself for four years. Thank you for not assaulting me when I was FOURTEEN! Should I get on my knees and bow to you?! Fuck!” I yelled in his face.
There I go again, putting my foot in my mouth but at this point, I can’t help it. I can’t hold back anymore. Who the hell did he think he was? Did he actually expect me to thank him for not assaulting me earlier than he did?
“I was the one who saved you from slaughter when they found you alive when your parents wrecked their car. When you were tossed in front of my father, he was going to order your execution like every other rogue that wandered onto our territory. Did you think he actually gave a shit about you? His men would have had fun with you before they killed you,” Shane spat. Before I could say anything he barreled on. “And don’t get it twisted. The Moon Goddess may have been the one to put the pieces into play and yes, she fated you to that piece of shit but DAMN HER. I CHOSE YOU. I chose you then, I chose you the night of the ball, I chose you when I was exiled, and I CONTINUED TO CHOOSE YOU. I never gave up on you so don’t come at me with that bull shit for touching you! I was raised to be Alpha, I was taught to take what I want. I wasn’t taught to be forgiving or caring. So NO! I won’t apologize for touching and taking what was MINE!!” Shane roared.
When he was done yelling, his breathing came out heavy, and his chest rose and fell as he forced air into his lungs. Our faces were inches apart and we glared at each other. Hatred reflected in his eyes.
The words he’d been holding onto for years had finally found their way out. The things I’d always wanted, needed to say had found their way out and lashed at him. How overdue was this conversation? Why hadn’t I just come out and confronted him in the beginning?
The information I’d been slapped with finally sank in and I forgot to breathe. My eyes widened, and my hands came up and gripped my chest. My chest felt tight and I struggled to get air in.
I had always been loyal to Alpha Joshua. The reasoning behind it being he spared me. In the four years that I was on Half Moon territory, I did everything I could to keep him happy. I thought I owed him my life.
I wanted to do everything I could to make sure he knew how thankful I was. I had dedicated my days, my nights, and my weekends to showing my gratitude. It was one of the reasons why I hesitated in telling Mavy and her father. I didn’t want to complicate things when I didn’t even earn my spot in this damn pack.
I woke up every day and thanked the Goddess for the roof over my head and the place I’d been given in the packhouse. I was confused, what I’d believed, what I had worked for had been uprooted by this news. It was a revelation: Shane was the one who kept me alive.
If not for him… Alpha Joshua would have killed me. Would anything have changed if I knew Shane was my savior and not his father? I felt lightheaded as I tried to think. Would I have been different?
Had I known, would I have regarded Shane differently? I can’t even lie to myself. The answer was clear. Yes. I wouldn’t have seen Shane as my abuser, I would have seen him as my savior.
I would have done everything and anything to please him. I wouldn’t have cared about myself, I wouldn’t have cared about my body. I would have given myself to him in any way that he wanted.
The thought of it made me sick. Had I known in the beginning that Shane was the one that kept me alive? If not for him… Alpha Joshua would have killed me. It makes me sick to think that I spent years trying to prove my worth when he didn’t even care about me. It was only because of Shane.