Chapter 102: Decisions for three
Lily’s POV
My face crumpled as I broke into tears when Alex walked out of the room. I missed him so much already yet I loathed his presence.
The guilt on his face when he walked into the room and the joy and happiness in his eyes when he held our children flashed before my eyes. Both were two distinct emotions he had shown, derived from two different actions and issues.
The way he held our children, with so much love and adoration, it made me want to forget everything and just jump into his hands, so he can take care of me and our children. I swear I wanted that more than anything.
In fact that was all I wanted. I wanted to forget everything and just move on with my life with Alex and my children. I wanted us to move into a new place, just the four of us. Where we would live our lives happy, away from all the drama of this world.
I wanted late nights, thanksgivings, Christmas eves, matching outfits, wonderful games, diaper changes, feeding time, and everything else with Alex.
I imagined Alex, being awake with me on nights where the children continue to fuss. I imagined us both being tired, barely having any sleep the next day but it would all be worth it.
I imagined the kids growing up and playing with us on Saturday evenings. I imagined all these I wanted and more. They seemed achievable because there was Alex and there were my children but yet it seemed far fetched.
The guilt on his face when he walked in reminded me of his grievous act. How he killed my mother. I couldn’t just forget that. I couldn’t just act like it never happened cause it did and I had bore the consequences for far too long. I know he deserves a chance to explain and I too deserve to know why and how it happened. But not now, i wasn’t ready to know that yet.
I had to comprehend everything that was revealed to me first. I still did not know what happened to Chase, Rena and My father. For all I know, they could be lurking around the hospital, waiting to take my children away from me and kill me eventually.
I still didn’t know who my real father was and yet I still blamed Alex because maybe if she was alive, she would have been able to shed some light on these matters.
“Can I come in?”. A deep voice resonated in the room as the door was pushed slightly open. I jumped frightened, and my heart beat accelerated. I held my children tightly as I peeked to see who was at the door.
“Yes, Come in.” I whispered as I had satisfied myself that it was a familiar person who could do no harm.
I scoffed in realization that once I had thought the same about my family and even Alex. But here I was, at this moment lost in an empty ocean.
“Congratulations Lily. I’m so happy for you.” Alexander’s father said softly as he approached the bed with a wide smile.
“Thank you.” I beamed. Everything concerning my children, made me happy. I had waited for a long time, waiting for one child but to my surprise I had been carrying two children.
Two blessed children that brought so much joy to my heart. They were my little bundles of joy and I was so lucky to have them. I was so happy to be a mother, yet so afraid.
Afraid that I might mess things up and my children will end up like me, lost and confused about my identity, once carefree but now forced to build up walls and not trust anyone.
What if I fail to bring them up to love one another?. What if something ghastly happens to my daughter?. What if she is ra..?
“Can I hold him?”. He cut me off from my horrified thoughts. He asked as he stared at Ross in the crib. “Yes, of course”. I urged with a tight smile.
He grinned and carefully picked Ross up, examining his features. “Thank you Lily.” He exhaled, closing his eyes. “Thank you for making me a grandfather.” He flashed me a grateful smile and turned to Ross again.
“You’re welcome.” I said in response. It felt good, almost wonderful that at least someone appreciates me, at least someone saw my value in all.
“What’s his name?.” He asked rubbing Ross’s cheeks.
“Ross. His name is Ross”. I responded. “His father named him.”
“It suits him. Ross Dankworth.” He said proudly. “My Grandson”. He beamed. “Welcome to the family my boy!.” He laughed heartily.
He cradled Ross for a while in silence, but with a wide smile on his face before placing him back into his crib. “Can I hold my Granddaughter too?”. He asked with a smirk and raised brows.
“Here.” I smiled as I handed Rose over to him.
“She’s so beautiful.” He declared. “I’m sure her name is just as beautiful.” He said eyeing me.
I laughed and turned to him. “Her name is Rose.”
His brows creased and he eyed me skeptically. “Rose?”. He asked wide eyed. “She sure looks like Rose.” He whispered.
“What do you mean.” I asked instantly, glaring at him.
“I mean she looks like a Rose.” He said with a dry chuckle.
“Yes, she does”. I said quietly. I couldn’t be possible that he would know my mother right?. But I would not entirely rule that off because now in my life… anything was possible.
“I confirmed with the doctor and she assured us that we can go home anytime we’re ready. Thankfully there were no complications.” He said after a while of silence. “My grandchildren were so eager to see me, they didn’t come with any trouble.” He said as he cooed at Rose.
“That’s good.” I said with a tight smile. “But I don’t think I want to go… home.” I had thought about it after Alex left. I don’t think I would want to be in a position where I would see him anytime he pleased. I also feared for the safety of my children so I think it is best if I stayed away from everyone.
“I figured you would say that.” Alex’s father said with raised brows. “I saw the way Alex left, i knew it had to be something bad.”
“No, not exactly. It’s …”
“It’s alright my dear Lily”. He cut me off softly. “You don’t have to share with me if you’re not comfortable. You just bore two beautiful children, you need to rest!.” He exclaimed. “What matters is your safety and that of your children. Don’t bother yourself with my stubborn son.” He said with a wave of his hands.
“Okay.” I said with a nod. I was really glad to have Alexander’s father here with me. He truly made everything seem a little better. He made me forget the cruelty of this world, for a second, and for that I appreciated him.
“I have already prepared a place for you and your children to stay”. He said with a smile and my heart was elated. He eyed again and continued and I knew it couldn’t come on a platter. “But there is a condition”.
“I knew it!”. I cried out.
He laughed. “It’s not that bad. You just have to go with some maids and some men, just so I can know that you and you’re children are being taken care of and you’re all safe too.” He added.
“Alright “. I responded after I had thought about for a second. I decided to go ahead with it. I need all the help I can get. It would be very difficult for me as a new mother to take care of not one but two children who would need me at the same time, in some cases. “But I have a request from you.” I said, peering at him through my lashes.
“What is it?”. He inquired glancing at me shortly.
“I would like to keep the location of this place out of the ears of Alex.” I said quietly, biting my lips in anticipation of his response.
He glanced at the children and eyed me shortly. “It seems whatever he has done must be very weighty and of great consequence for you to have asked of this.”
“So it seems”. I responded.
“I would hate to keep a father from his children. I can promise to not to unwarrantedly disclose this information to him, however if he asks to know the location of his wife and children, I can not promise to keep it from him.”
He said quietly.
“I understand.” I guess I could take what I can. Knowing Alex, I was certain he wouldn’t ask or try to find us so I knew I would have my space for a while.
It wouldn’t last forever, but it would be just enough until I wrap my head around my entire life, until I find my true self and identity.
“I’m sure that whatever issue you have with my son will be resolved with time!.” He said looking hopeful.
“Perhaps it would”. I responded sounding uncertain. I was not sure if there would ever come a time where I would be able to look at Alex and not loathe him for the death of my mother.
“At least for the sake of your children.” He added.
I sighed as I looked at him. Nothing was simple anymore. Before now I could take decisions, thinking only of the effect it would have on myself. But now I had to think about my children too, and how my decisions would affect them.
Regardless of whatever atrocities, their father had committed, he was still their father. I had to give them the option to decide however they wanted to relate with him. I could not just pull him away from their lives.
I had to make a decision soon and a good one at that but until then, I’ll focus on bringing them up tightly.