Chapter 103: Six feet under
Lily’s POV
It had been three weeks since the birth of my children and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. It has been bittersweet and full of contradicting feelings.
I haven’t slept properly since then, despite the help of the maids, it was still difficult for me. I wouldn’t undermine the help of the maids because if it was just me, I’m pretty sure I would be dead by now.
Motherhood was whole new adventure. I was responsible for another person, sorry people, for their every need. They literally depend on me for their survival. To eat, bath, navigate life, sleep, sometimes to even breath. I wasn’t exaggerating.
This new life was complex and also exciting. I had read so many books and searched online fir many tips. I had to be present at every time, to feed and make sure they burb, I was even worried if they don’t poop or the color of their poop. If it’s too hard or too watery. Everything was a cause for worry.
If only I had someone to guide me on this path. If only my mother was still here…
To all the mothers out there, I say bravo. The struggle and effort was not easy but I’m sure it is worth it at the end. At times i felt like locking myself up or running away when it felt overwhelming. At times I go days without a shower, if not for the fact that I had to breast feed my children, eating would have been a forgotten necessity for me.
It was truly not an easy task, especially for single mothers. There was nothing better than having the support and help from your partner, of whom you both had the children.
I wouldn’t lie that I did not think of Alex often. He was a constant on my mind. I thought about what he was doing and how he was faring. A part of me was also angry that he had not tried to see us, or try to look for his children. How could he be so relax and unconcerned about his children. It was really pathetic. I expected more from a man like him.
But I guess that’s what I get for expecting something from a man..
I sighed and rolled off the bed as a piercing scream came from Rose. She was lying in her crib close to me and soon enough, her screams woke her brother up who joined her in a crying contest.
I was very hesitant to allow them sleep alone in their room. Out of fear for their safety and also the fact that I couldn’t be away from them for too long.
I picked both of them up and cradled them, trying to soothe them. Fortunately, one of the maids appeared in my room, she had probably heard their cries and ran in to help.
“Thank you.” I whispered as I handed Ross to her while I held on to Rose as I prepared their bottle.
Once it was ready, we fed them both, prepared their bath and got them ready to the day. I performed their morning rituals and played with them a bit, but as much as I tried, I knew today was not a regular day.
I dragged my feet into the bathroom and got myself ready for the day too. After much back and forth with the children, packing and unpacking their bags for the day, We were finally ready to leave.
***
The car pulled to a stop and I kissed my children goodbye. They were already sound asleep and irrespective of that, I still would have left them in the car, with the care of the maids I brought with me.
I refused to bring them close to my world of drama. I knew it was inevitable as I was their mother but for now, I could try.
I raised my head and walked forward to where a few people were gathered, all dressed in black, some with long faces, genuinely sad at the loss of a friend or Co worker, others looked indifferent, while some others looked like they were forced here and couldn’t wait to leave.
It was Rena’s funeral.
I did not know which group I belonged to, I felt a bit of all but still it was my sister’s funeral.
Rena my sister… The only sister I had ever known. Though not my sister by blood but she was all I had ever known.
It turned out that she had been shot, straight in her heart and she died from the wound. Chase killed her. I had heard that, he intended to kill me but accidentally killed Rena. Still… she was dead and gone, whether to heaven or hell, I wasn’t sure anymore.
A young white girl, stepped up to the podium with puffy eyes and took hold of the microphone. “We are gathered here today, to honor our deceased friend, daughter, sister, coworker and family, Rena O’Sullivian. Who had passed away suddenly, few weeks ago. It is truly disheartening and a huge loss for us all, her loved ones.”
She burst into tears and took a minute to gather herself again before speaking. It seemed she was really close to Rena, seeing how hurt she was. “Rena was my friend and more. She was like a sister to me and I loved her dearly, I met her during medical school and she has been the best thing that has ever happened to me….”
I watched quietly as the young lady, declared how much she loved and adored Rena, and how much of a good soul she was. If only they knew…
Or perhaps, I was the only one that had this bad image of Rena because she deliberately wanted to be cruel and wicked to me but loved the rest of the world. At least if I kept my mouth shut, the rest of the world would honor her sweetly, without having any bad blood towards her.
Curse my luck!…
My eyes widened as I looked around in confusion, when everyone else was staring at me in anticipation. “What’s going on?”. I whispered to no one in particular.
“I’m sure you must have something to say before we lay your sister to rest.” The young lady said urging me to join her at the podium.
All eyes were watching me and I couldn’t possibly refuse to say a word at my own sister’s funeral, that would not look good at all. Then I would seem like the villain.
I flashed a nervous smile at the small crowd and made my way to the podium. “Thank you”. I thanked the young lady as she stepped down.
I stared at everyone, contemplating on what to say but I couldn’t find the words. I did not know how I was feeling towards her death, I had loved her as a sister but she didn’t return those feelings. She had conspired to take my children away and kill me. I was lucky to be alive not because she changed her mind or anything like that but because the circumstances did not allow her to achieve her plans and now she’s dead. I knew deep down in my heart that if she could, she would kill me and take my children.
I wondered if I should speak from the heart or just make up words to soothe the crowd. At last I just decided to go with the flow. However the words flowed, I would let them. After all, whatever I say wouldn’t be a lie. “Rena was my sister. My only sister.” I paused and stared at the crowd.
“I would not lie and say we were very close like best friends, growing up, no we weren’t. Our relationship was different, we were not always together but then I knew in my heart that I loved her deeply and I would have given my life for her.”
“When I heard that she had passed away, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that the Rena I had seen few days ago was no more, despite the circumstances.”
I paused and thought about Rena quietly and that was when I realized that I would never have my closure. I would never be able to talk about everything that happened with her. There would be no means to resolve the unspoken issues she had with me. The thought of that dragged me into tears. “I wish she was still here.” Was all I could say, In stead of the many things I wanted to say. I knew at the end I would miss her but I hoped that she was in a better place.
I wiped my eyes and stepped down from the podium. After some other people had spoken briefly, it was time for her to be consigned to her grave. It felt so surreal to watch her being lowered into the ground. Who would have thought?… This life was truly strange.
A part of me was relived that now I could move freely, seeing as she could no longer take my children away and I had also received news that Chase and my father were arrested by Alex.
My father has been charged for abduction, conspiracy to murder and attempted murder. The prosecutor said he would serve roughly twenty to twenty five in prison, while Chase has been charged for attempted murder for me, abduction, rape, and the murder of Rena. Even though he did not intend to Rena but me, the law would still hold him accountable for her death. The prosecutor said he could be looking at a death sentence or life imprisonment. I honestly did not know which I preferred but so long as he could not come near me nor my children, I was satisfied.
I exhaled as Rena was lowered and her grave closed up. “I truly hope you’re in a better place Rena.” I sighed again. “Farewell now. Till we meet again.” I said as I made my way to the car.
“Princess.” I was about to open the door of the car when a familiar voice caused me to stand still.
I turned around slowly as I came face to face with the man I loved deeply and the man that hunted my dreams daily. “What do you want?”. I asked in a cold tone, narrowing my eyes at him.
He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “You.” He breathed out with pleading eyes. His gray eyes now seemed dark and lost. He looked like a ghost of himself. I barely recognized the love of my life. He looked so pitiful, I just wanted to embrace him and take away all his sorrows.
But what about your sorrows!!… my subconscious screamed at me. Who would take my sorrows away?…
“You’re a clown.” I mocked. “You seem to have been doing fine without me, so why the sudden change of heart?”
“I am nothing without you Lily, and you know that.” He said in a broken tone.
“Don’t!”. I said in a firm tone. I refused to let him sway me with his words. “Perhaps you have gotten bored of your other toys.” I spat out bitterly.
“There is no one but you princess, no one could take your place in my life.” He said boring his eyes into mine. “I had been looking everywhere for you, I came here today because I knew i would find you here”.
“Please just stop it. I can’t deal with this now!.” I cried out, rushing to get into the car.
“Please don’t go yet, at least hear me out.” He cried holding me back.
“Alex I can’t.” I said firmly. I looked at him and instantly my mother’s dead body flashed before my eyes. “You have to let me go.” I said in a hoarse voice as I tried to hold back my tears. I have resolved that I could never most past this. Now I knew that we could never go back to before. What we had was all gone and lost. As much as it hurt me, I knew it had to be done.
A tear dropped from his eyes as he stared at me. “You want me to let you go?.” He asked softly in a pained tone.
“Yes.” I said hesitantly. “I don’t think it would ever be the same. It’s pointless trying to have what can never be anymore.” I explained.
“But I can’t let you go.” He responded firmly. “That’s the problem Lily. I can’t let you go even I wanted to. You’re all I think about, day and night. Thoughts of you hunt my every existence.” He paused and stared at me intently. “The truth is that I love you. I love you desperately and madly. I crave you at every point. I don’t think there is a life without you my princess.”
I stared at him in surprise. I opened my mouth and closed it again. “You love me?”. I spluttered out. I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he on drugs or was this a knowing willful statement. Lord knows I had longed for all enternity to hear him say those words and now it felt better and so much more than I had imagined .
He smiled and held my cheeks. “Yes, I love you so much my princess, so much, that it physically hurts when you’re not near. Without you my life has no meaning. I live for you, my whole life revolves around you. Words can’t express the depth of my love for you Lily. Please don’t leave me, I beg you.”
As much these words were all I had ever wanted from him, I feared that it was too late now. What took him so long to realize his feelings for me or did not love me before now. Were these new feelings. I couldn’t respond, I just stared at him, I did not know to process what I intend to say. “Do you not love me?.” He asked peering down at me.
I knew that in my heart, I loved him. My love for him had never changed, despite everything. I knew that I would do anything for him. it was so pathetic.
I couldn’t tell him how I truly felt or even lie to him that I felt nothing so I did the obvious. I ignored him and pulled the door of the car open and rushed inside. The driver was about to zoom off when he stopped me again. “At least let me see my children just a little .” He begged.
I couldn’t deny him that, and so I let him see his children for a while. I watched him cradle them both in his arms, holding them tightly and shedding tears.
He had just confessed his love for me, I knew I loved him just as much yet I knew that it was the end. There was nothing we could do now.
Today Rena was consigned to her grave and so was the love between Alex and I. It was six feet under…