That is why I was able to discern the expression of doubt and fear on their faces. It was understandable that they could not do so as it was much easier to look for the reasons for the failure outside myself. What I was proposing was sheer madness based on any logic that could be applied within the society that we live in today. But the certainty which has germinated in my soul during these timeless, free from reality, moments would not let me surrender.
‘Even if it sounds insane,’ I whispered. “But I’m asking you to believe me and to have faith that there’s more to the universe than what we can comprehend. We are on the cusp of something, potentially the greatest discovery of our time. Are you really willing to turn your back on it?”
Then a pause and it was as though the air was thick with where the decision would fall. Silently I waited, debating their decisions on their faces, from disbelief and, possibly, even fear to curiosity and hope. This is just the beginning I thought at that moment while I was just a girl from Thornhill floating somewhere between the worlds I was familiar with and the world that was open to me.
What followed was whether they decided to believe me or otherwise there would be changes that they would never be able to turn back. The dream had ended, yes. But the true awakening. . . That was just beginning.
There was a ten-second silence in the room when Chase looked into my eyes. There was this electricity that ran between us, that feeling, that understanding that no words could ever explain. He looked at the other people in front of him, always composed, but with a hint of the need for this to be done soon.
“I want to talk with Brianne alone,” Chase said, as if it was taboo for him to talk to one of the two girls. “There are … Some aspects of the experiment that we need to address personally. ”
Detective Morris started to say something, but Zoe simply stopped him with her hand on his arm, her eyes appealing to him to not say anything. “Of course,” she said still, looking from Chase to me, then back to Chase again with understanding glances. “If you need anything, look for us at the main lab. ”
Finally, we went into the hall and the door shut with a low sound of the closing; and for the first time I became completely conscious of Chase’s presence. The room felt less and more at the same time; I felt something on the horizon that I could not quite name. The silence that filled the room with us sat between us like a living barrier, no sound made by either of us for what felt like a long time.
‘Brianne,’ Chase said after what seemed like a long time, the words coming out in a mere hushed whisper. He moved closer to me and then stopped. I could feel the heat coming from his body. ‘God, I thought … I thought I had lost you’,
He was overcome by emotion; he could barely talk and that made me feel even more clenched up inside. He looked me in the eye and I could see fear, relief and something else. . . Something beyond that, I know, caused my breath to be stolen from me.
“Chase, I -” I started to say, but he interrupted me and the next thing I knew I was in his arms hugging him tightly. It felt so good, so right, I almost disappeared into him the acknowledgment that I so desperately wanted this, him. The tangible feeling of his arms pulled me back to the real world as if nothing else could after the trip I had just been through.
“Do you know the kind of situation it was like?” he whispered to me, his lips slightly touching my ears. Holding on and watching you get weaker; seeing you lying on that bed, helpless, day after day, while all I can do is wait and wonder whether you will wake up again: that was the scariest experience in my life. ”
I slightly moved my face back and looked up at him. He had bags under his eyes; the outline of a beard was evidence of the sleepless nights that he had been having. Pre-emptively, I touched him, wrapping my hand around the side of his face. He embraced the contact and for a brief second he felt his eyes shut.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I never intended to make you go through that, and I really didn’t want to bring up Chase, but what I saw, and how I felt, for the first time in my life, I felt…. ”
“Shh,” he whispered and, with his index finger, he caressed my lips. “We don’t need to discuss it anymore. Right now I just… I just want you to hear something from me. ”
My pulse was getting faster as the atmosphere became drastic, and I only noticed his eyes on me. Chase and I have always been in touch, we have shared the same interests since this whole drama had begun, and we were close friends as could be expected of two colleagues who had been together for years. But there had always been a line we hadn’t crossed,
I repeated in a sort of whisper, ‘What is it?’
Chase breathed in sharply, as if preparing to face something rather unpleasant. “When you were… gone…” He sighed, and his voice broke slightly, “I found something out. Something I had already known, I guess, but was too scared to comprehend. ”
He grabbed my palms and placed them in my hands; his thumbs were gently circling on the palms. The light brush made me feel the way I never did, stirred feelings that were long dormant within me.
“I love you, Brianne’ he whispered. Not just as a fellow student who got trapped in all this mess or acquaintances or even a friend, I was in love with her. Now I realized that I was afraid of losing her, of not having the opportunity to tell her how I felt.
We both stood silently for a few moments with those two words just lingering in the air as if filled with energy. For a brief second, I could not find my voice and all sorts of emotions went through me: joy, fear, excitement and the lack of certainty that came with it.