I woke up the next morning feeling cold, knowing even before opening my eyes that Donovan was not by my side.
Not anywhere.
He had gone.
“I can’t do this to us. You don’t deserve it and I simply can’t. Believe me when I say you don’t know me and if you did, you’d hate me.
I’ll miss you.
Donovan.”
“Well, at least he knows how to write, but only damn nonsense!” Cris yelled, totally indignant, throwing the note Donovan had left me on the table that morning.
The first person I thought of when I felt my heart shatter was Cris. Seeing me outside his door at seven on Sunday morning, the first thing he did was hug me, it seemed my face said it all, and it did, my eyes were totally swollen, my nose red, my skin pale and some fatal dark circles.
Cris knew what I felt for Donovan, he was the only person I told, I couldn’t even tell April, besides, she didn’t have too much interest in confirming it. But Cris kept insisting on knowing, although, according to him, there was no need for me to say it out loud, my depression due to Donovan’s absence was more than obvious.
“For this I promise to stop dreaming about him at night… or at least, I’ll try,” he said, laying dramatically on the bed. His hand went to his heart and he feigned crying.
Perhaps I forgot to mention to Donovan that Cris was gay and had no romantic interest in me. And that perhaps Cris said every ten minutes that he wanted to sleep with Donovan.
Not laughing as I usually did when Cris played the diva, he straightened up and ran to hug me again. “He’s an idiot.”
“I know,” I said barely in a whisper, I was afraid that, if I dared to open my mouth, I would lose my slight self-control and start crying again.
I’d like to say I’m okay with the decision he made and that I respected it, hell no! I wished I had him in front of me to kill him or do something to make him feel what I do.
Out of sheer nerves, I’ve even vomited, cried, and hyperventilated.
“Did you… do it?” Cris asked, stroking my hair.
I shook my head and hid my face in his chest. “No, but it was because he stopped us. I think he knew he’d leave me in that room alone at the end of the night.”
“Well, at least, he’s not one hundred percent an idiot,” he murmured more to himself than to me. “What are you going to do?”
“Nothing, I doubt if I go back to the bar this weekend he’ll be there, he won’t answer his messages or be at his house, I won’t see him again unless he seeks me out.”
“And what will you do if that happens?”
“He won’t, if he considered coming back, I already denied him that right, I sent him a text as I was leaving the bar.”
“What text?” He wanted to know, I took my cell phone out of my pocket and handed it to him. “‘Don’t show up in my fucking life again, asshole, I swear I’ll call the damn police if I see you near me’. Good, strong and concise, I like it, that’s my Celina, but why the police?”
I told him everything about Donovan and me, except that he was a drug dealer, I would never tell him that, I promised.
Cris noticed that I wasn’t going to answer him, then he took both sides of my face and wiped my tears with a grin from ear to ear. “Celina a little weepy at the moment, but, you’re still my Celina.”
I smiled back at him and when I was about to lean back on his shoulder, he opened his eyes wide and got up. The drama queen begins again… “Wait! Will I not see him again either? God, who will I think about at night before going to sleep?”
I rolled my eyes and almost threw my cell phone at his face. “Watch some porn.”
“I did, but I always imagined the active one as Donovan, damn. At least tell me how he kissed.”
I did, I threw my cell phone at him, but he dodged it. Of all the things, that was what I wanted to forget most. “Cris!”
“Damnably amazing and unsurpassable.” I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t, I knew he would start squealing and I would feel completely miserable.
“Grant me that lucky one!”
Lucky? I was the unluckiest person in the world.
Donovan kept telling me last night that he had ruined everything for him, that I shouldn’t have appeared because I ruined all his plans. Well, I felt the same way.
I wish we had never met.