“I swear, it was tiny,” Cris assured, eating gigantic bites of his sandwich.
“Isn’t that better? At least, you don’t feel like you’re being split in half,” I asked, lying back on the grass.
We were in the usual spot, behind the sports field, I loved that people adapted to me and not the other way around.
“Oh innocent Celina, little and innocent Celina. The excitement comes because you feel that a stallion is pinning you down, not a doctor’s finger during a check-up, that’s not exciting, it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing,” He informed me as if it were obvious and I started laughing heartily.
I loved this guy.
“Thanks for enlightening me,” I replied, unable to stop laughing, but he was very serious, as if it were a matter of life or death.
He rolled his eyes and threw some ham from his sandwich in my face. “You know what I mean.”
I straightened up and cleaned my face. “No, I really don’t.”
“Are you a virgin?” he suddenly asked, causing the air to leave my lungs. We were treading on dangerous ground.
“No, I’m not, but I haven’t been with many to compare,” I took my backpack and opened one of my textbooks to discuss my research work for next week.
“Well, but you know how incredible it feels, you understand…”
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye without flinching. In less than a minute his expression was clouded by the understanding of what my silence meant.
“You’ve never had an orgasm!” he suddenly shouted, causing me to jump.
“Great, Cris! Shout a little louder! I think NASA hasn’t found out!” I roared, throwing my book in his face.
He dodged it.
Damn good reflexes.
“I’m sorry, it’s just that God, I don’t know, you’re missing out on the best part of being seventeen.”
“I have you to tell me about your experiences with small penises, what else do I need?”
“Oh girl, if you knew… I still have the hope that our bad boy will come back to stay and pin you against the wall… And I’ll be there for a threesome.”
I shivered at the mention of that guy. “First, I would never have a threesome with you, you have expectations that I can never fulfill and second, I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Are you still in denial? I thought we had gotten over that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
If I didn’t name him, he didn’t exist.
Or at least, that’s how it worked in my head.
“I don’t know, maybe you remember that maybe three weeks ago you were making out with the sexiest guy in the world on a couch, or not?” Cris raised an eyebrow and had a flirtatious smile on his lips. Damn bastard.
“No, not really,” I limited myself to answer, taking back the textbook.
“God, are you really okay or not?” he said, taking my hand. I wasn’t. But I couldn’t allow myself to be aware enough of it.
“I don’t have to be, but if I were, I would love it if you let the subject rest forever.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s just that… I don’t know, I miss Donovan, I can’t even remember his face at night anymore.”
“There he goes again…”
“Pity for you, watch some porn.”
“It’s not the same!”
“Can we stop talking about how you jerk off thinking about that guy and start thinking about what I’m going to do with my research work?”
He fell silent and started plucking flowers from around us, he would come up with something else. “Well, this weekend if I were you, I would think about ditching work…”
“I’m not going to one of your damn parties!” I let him know before he continued. He always wanted to go out partying with me and I always rejected him, he never learned more.
“Come on! I want to consolidate our friendship with a couple of mojitos and maybe some kisses! I become a bit homo-curious when I’m drunk.”
I wanted to laugh at his outburst, but I didn’t, he would take it as a yes. “Well, I don’t.”
“I know you want me, bitch,” He put a hand on his chest as if hurt by insulting his ego.
“Always, please, kiss me,” My sarcastic tone made him squint at me and he ran his hand through his hair to cause a dramatic effect.
Drama Queen.
“Anyway, let’s go to that party,” he tried to order me, getting up and practically running away from me so I wouldn’t reject him. It’s a shame my brain thinks a thousand times faster than his.
“No, I’m starting work tomorrow,” I yelled in his direction and Cris muttered a couple of curses before crossing his arms and looking at me from a distance.
“You’re boring.”
“Thank you, I know.”
With that said he walked away, stomping his feet against the ground. That was his way of saying he hated me.
It was about two in the morning when I got a message. Between being half asleep and the whole room being completely dark, it was quite hard to find my cell phone.
“I’m outside.”
Donovan.
My heart was about to leave my damn mouth if this tachycardia didn’t go away.
Is he joking?
In some short shorts and a sleeveless shirt, I got up quickly as if that message were a bucket of cold water. I’m not going to go out. He’ll leave in a few minutes, he’ll think I’m asleep, that’s most likely it.
I don’t even think he’s outside. He can’t be such a son of a bitch. He can’t.
I just have the room that faces the main street, so I slowly approach it, and barely remove the curtain to spy. From here I should see him. And I do.
He’s pacing back and forth, nervous and unsteady. Is he drunk? I don’t know, but a heat consumed my chest at seeing him after so many weeks, damn it, I missed him.
I took the phone and did the only thing that occurred to me.
“Have you had a drink?”
Donovan stops moving and reads the message. He looks around until his eyes go straight to my window. He stays looking for a few seconds and turns his gaze back to his screen.
“Can you come down?”
“No.”
“I need it…”
“What do you need Donovan? I made it clear. I don’t want to see you again. Stay away.”
“I don’t know. I just need it.” I saw the plea in his eyes from a distance. “Please.”
I did. I caved in to him again. I also needed to see him, but Donovan didn’t deserve to see me.
The moment his eyes met mine at the front door, his hunched posture straightened. I opened the gate and got a little closer to where he was.
I was in my pajamas and a rather thin coat. It’s not cold, but the wind comes by every now and then messing up my hair.
He looked bad, I mean, he was still Hades, but more screwed up.
“What do you want?” I tried to sound cold, but the message about needing, impressed me.
“I just… just needed…” Donovan was stuttering, nervous, even a bit scared.
“Yes, I know, but you’re not telling me what you need. I don’t have anything you need, Donovan.”
“You’re wrong,” He approached a little more, I didn’t back down, although I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted him to touch me.
“What do you need? You made it quite clear that you didn’t need anything from me three weeks ago,” I announced, thinking he probably forgot.
He took a few more steps, he was staggering. We were only a few centimeters away from each other. “I… I… and…”
“You’re drunk,” I spat, pushing him. He comes closer again, this time slightly colliding our bodies, getting stuck.
I can’t believe we’re doing this on the sidewalk at 3AM and I can’t believe he always provokes the same tingling sensations in the places where I’m touched.
He nodded, smiling. “Maybe.”
“Why do you insist on looking for me? I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. I don’t want to.”
I lied, but I wasn’t going to tell him again that I missed him so he could leave me a note tomorrow saying he couldn’t miss me too.
Donovan didn’t take his eyes off me. His eyebrows came together. “I wish I could avoid it. I would have moved away a long time ago if I could.”
The little self-control I still had, is retreating very quickly.
“I also… I also need…” His voice breaks and I feel my heart doing the same.
“I’m sorry,” he said, leaning in to hug me. I let him, I needed him too.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and dug my face into his chest. He smelled of alcohol and mint, it was intoxicating and I didn’t want him to let go.
“Please, don’t leave me,” he whispered into my ear.
“I won’t, I won’t,” I lied again, because I knew that as soon as I left, I would be back to missing him.