My aunt and uncle got along very well with Cris, they seemed pleased with his evident charisma. Every now and then my aunt would wink at me and give me an expectant smile to contribute to their conversation, but if I said anything, Jessi was there to contradict me. I must say I was surprised she didn’t bring up Donovan.
My aunt was already seeing the wedding. While my uncle saw that he was going to be out of the house more often.
At the end of the dinner I was forced to clarify that we were just friends. My aunt’s disappointment was unhideable.
Cris, when leaving, gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and said he had a great time, I didn’t understand what part of the dinner he liked if he was only interrogated by my aunt and as for me, all the time I was thinking about what had happened with Donovan the day before.
Who was he talking to? What job was he into? Why did he look so affected?
I tried to forget about that and finished my chores, I didn’t have time to listen to my aunt’s hints about my “non-relationship” with Cristian because I hid in my room before she continued to pester me.
The days that followed, I spent a lot more time with Cris, we went out many times to the city center and I got to know him, he’s very friendly for a guy, there wasn’t a day when I was with him and my stomach didn’t hurt from laughing so much.
The first trimester had ended and I, despite wasting my time with Donovan half of it, passed everything with honors. I was more than happy, and the first one I needed to tell was Donovan.
Such a shame I never saw him again.
At first, I thought he was angry and expecting me to run to him, something I wouldn’t do after what he had told me, so I just waited. The days turned into a week and then two.
By the third week I had gone crazy and found out I would run to him if I got into that state.
I had a rush of need. I wanted to see him. I missed him more than I wanted to admit. My heart hurt every time I was alone in my room at night, thinking. That’s why I went to his house, I forgot what he had said to me last time, I just needed to see his face.
No one answered.
I went the next day.
Again, no answer.
The day after that.
Nothing.
Donovan never showed up at the institute again after we fought, that already made me nervous, but seeing that he wasn’t at his house either, drove me desperate.
I didn’t know where to go or look, what if he had been killed along with Alice? He’s involved in very heavy stuff.
To top it off, I called him hundreds of times, thousands of messages and nothing.
I considered going to the police, in fact, I was about to enter a police station, my anxiety was already at its limit. Just thinking that something had happened to Donovan… I wasn’t okay.
That day, a gust of wind made me stop for two seconds to think. If they were looking for him, they would investigate him. If they investigated him and nothing had happened to him, he would go to prison.
I remembered what it felt like the day they took my mother away from me. Loneliness, depression, that was me at those moments, until I forced myself to get up again to get her back, and when Donovan and I became friends, I never felt alone again, I had someone who understood me, and now that he was gone, I wanted to succumb to the pain again.
I wouldn’t let that happen, that’s why I’m here now. This is my last option, if I didn’t find him here, I would never find him and I would have to learn to live with that.
Damn it, I didn’t want to.
I entered the bar a bit reluctant, I had never been here alone before, so when several bodies lunged at me for jumping to the beat of the band that was on stage, Donovan was no longer there to cover me.
I approached the bar to sit on one of the stools, waiting for midnight to see if Donovan showed up on stage.
I just needed to see him, to know he was okay.
“What are you going to order?” the bartender asked me.
Really, I could hardly consider swallowing anything, I haven’t eaten or drank what I should have in days and it shows. I’m a wreck.
“Nothing.”
“You can only sit if you’re going to consume.”
“Fine, water.”
“We don’t have water.”
“Fine! Give me a beer.”
The man with a no-nonsense face, grabbed a small beer, uncapped it and practically smashed it in front of me. I left him a twenty-dollar bill and focused on seeing if I saw Donovan anywhere, I didn’t, but instead I saw Vanessa and she seemed to see me too because it looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her face from how open they are seeing me. She started to turn to escape, but I didn’t allow it.
She once told me she was like Donovan’s sister, so she should know where he is.
I caught her arm and forced her to look at me. “Vanessa! Is Donovan here?”
She opened her mouth to answer, surprised by my grip and my presence.
Two seconds later, the crowd started screaming like crazy. I fixed my gaze on the stage again, saw several band members come out and among them, Donovan.
I shuddered with happiness to see him there. He’s okay. He’s okay.
I didn’t move from where I was, I just limited myself to seeing the features of his face, those I hadn’t seen in a long time.
He was still as beautiful as ever.
Once they started playing and I heard his voice echoing through the huge speakers, I almost cried. God, I can’t believe how worried I was until I saw him.
Donovan, had a frown on his face at all times and I saw him looking into the crowd, as if looking for someone.
His eyes landed on me and he froze. He stopped his voice and I held my breath.
He stayed several seconds with his eyes wide open and a shattered expression on his face, as if it broke him to see me.
The band kept playing, waiting for Donovan to pick up where he left off the song he always sang.
People started to get restless, nervous, not understanding what was happening, I didn’t understand either, the only thing I knew is that every vital organ of my body was being affected by having Donovan closer than I’ve had him for a long time.
He turned around and signaled the band to stop playing, they did followed by boos from the audience.
Donovan said something in each of their ears. They all smiled.
He approached the microphone and looked at me. He openly knew he was talking to me. “Normally, when a person has a serious problem in life, it’s reflected in their music, that’s what Kurt Cobain once said, and I couldn’t agree more. There are songs that bring our emotions to the surface, especially when there’s someone there who makes you feel totally identified with them… Enjoy.”
*Donovan sings “Do I Wanna Know?” Artic Monkeys”*
Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the tide
That sticks around like summat in your teeth?
Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you’re in deep?
I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
‘Cause there’s this tune I found
That makes me think of you somehow an’ I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep, spillin’ drinks on my settee
(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin’ flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin’ that you’d stay
(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made
For sayin’ things that you can’t say tomorrow day
Crawlin’ back to you
Ever thought of callin’ when
You’ve had a few?
‘Cause I always do
Maybe I’m too
Busy bein’ yours
To fall for somebody new
Now, I’ve thought it through
Crawlin’ back to you
So have you got the guts?
Been wonderin’ if your heart’s still open
And if so, I wanna know what time it shuts
Simmer down an’ pucker up, I’m sorry to interrupt
It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you
But I don’t know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together if you wanted to
(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin’ flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin’ that you’d stay
(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made
For sayin’ things that you can’t say tomorrow day
Crawlin’ back to you (Crawlin’ back to you)
Ever thought of callin’ when
You’ve had a few? (Had a few)
‘Cause I always do (‘Cause I always do)
Maybe I’m too (Maybe I’m too busy)
Busy bein’ yours (Bein’ yours)
To fall for somebody new
Now, I’ve thought it through
Crawlin’ back to you
[Outro]
(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin’ flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin’ that you’d stay
(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made
For sayin’ things that you can’t say tomorrow day
(Do I wanna know?) Too busy bein’ yours to fall
(Sad to see you go) Ever thought of callin’, darlin’?
(Do I wanna know?) Do you want me crawlin’ back to you?