*Donovan Sings “5 seconds of summer” – want you back*
*Donovan Sings “TELL ME A LIE – One Direction*
His gaze shone warmly over me, he didn’t look away for a second. My heart flipped. My eyes welled up slightly. How could I get over this boy and move on if I was so damn in love with him?
I was.
I was in love with Donovan.
With one last look at me, Donovan and the other guys went backstage. I tried to flee to a corner dodging everyone, I wanted to find the door that would take me to Donovan and just before getting there, someone grabbed me by the waist.
I expected it to be Donovan, but it didn’t feel like him, before I turned to see who it was I knew.
A man with a somewhat haggard appearance and a large beard covering his face was smiling at me. I got scared. I tried to free myself, but he only tightened more to me. He took me to where I planned to go from the beginning and pushed me face first against the wall.
“Hey, beautiful…” he whispered in my ear with his disgusting voice, the breath of alcohol made me want to vomit.
The real problem occurred when I felt his hands go to my buttocks. I was stiff. I wanted to move, but I couldn’t, I didn’t react. I felt his hands go under my blouse and touch my abdomen. When I felt his erection in the lower part of my back I understood the situation. Tears cruelly began to sprout from my face and my screams covered by the music made me feel helpless.
“Let me go!” I screamed frantically moving, but that didn’t stop him, he just pressed more to me choking me against the wall.
“Come on, I know you like it, don’t play hard to get…”
Before he could finish, I felt him abruptly pull away from me. Regardless of what made him distance himself, I threw myself on the floor hugging myself.
I’m cold.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe.
My throat hurts.
I don’t hear what I’m saying.
I don’t hear what he’s saying.
My body hurts.
Everyone is watching me.
I can’t stand being touched.
My throat hurts more.
He lets me go and I fall again.
I need to leave, I’m dirty, I need to leave. I can’t breathe!
He squats down. He’s saying something to me. I can’t hear.
“Celina… Celina, damn it! It’s me!”
He yells in my face, he’s frantic.
“Celina please! React!”
He cradled my face in his hands and only then did the rage appear. I had been screaming all this time.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”
Punches everywhere, I knew I was hurting him, I didn’t care.
I need my mom. I need to go home.
My hands were immobilized against my chest, preventing me from continuing with the punches. “Stop Celina! I’m not him!”
I fell again under the pressure of his arms. I curled up on the cold floor, I let myself cry and scream. I want to leave.
There were no longer bodies around me, the music was barely audible, the room was dark.
Donovan lifted me by the shoulders and stared intently at my face.
“Calm down Alicia, just calm down. He won’t touch you again, you’re with me, be calm.”
I couldn’t answer him. I tried to talk, but every time I tried it hurt. Only a moan was enough to let Donovan know.
“I’m just going to move you a bit so you can sit down. There’s a couch a few meters from you. I won’t hurt you.” His voice was cautious. I nodded and it was enough for him to slowly move me to sit down.
He tried to pull away from me, but I grabbed his arm. I was gripping it harder than I should, but I didn’t want to be alone. He’s going to come back. He can come back.
“I have to find water, I won’t go, I’ll turn on the light and you’ll be able to see me well.”
I didn’t let him go. Burning tears started coming out of my eyes again. I couldn’t be alone, not again. I clung even more to his arm. The couch sank when he sat down next to me. I didn’t look at him, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t turn to do it. The black dot in the darkness looked safe.
“Stop crying, he won’t hurt you again, I swear.” I closed my eyes and put my hands over my head.
I allowed it again.
I shouldn’t have come. It’s my fault.
I allowed it another damn time.
“Stop! Stop hurting yourself!”
I wasn’t aware of what I was doing until Donovan took my hands firmly trying to make me let go of my hair. When he did, it hurt.
“What’s wrong with you Alicia?” he whispered bewildered by the situation.
After a few seconds of silence, not speaking, he made me lie down. His thigh was my pillow. I didn’t move, I didn’t want to do it, I felt safe.