The entire class was torture, my posture was uncomfortable all the time, there was no way to feel at ease next to him, I was praying for the bell to ring and get out of here.
There were brief moments when I felt his gaze fixed on me and then he would lean closer, I wasn’t sure if he intended to speak to me, but he didn’t.
I paid attention to the rest of the class, took notes, did everything I could to focus on nothing but the Professor explaining the most significant coups to date.
When the bell rang, I grabbed my bag and started to pack my book, I had a chance to store one of them when another landed on the floor along with many loose sheets inside it.
I exhaled forcefully and knelt to gather my things. A smooth movement caught my attention, I saw out of the corner of my eye a pair of legs beside me, I didn’t need to look up to know that Donovan was still there, but he was standing. What was he doing?
I glanced at his face, he was looking at my scattered sheets, then at me. His brow furrowed, his eyes examined me and my heart started pounding against my ribs, sending a pleasurable sensation throughout my body. He wanted to help me. I wanted to accept his help.
But then I remembered that he left when I needed him and didn’t answer any of my messages… that’s not something a friend should do.
Not answering is a very good response to me, he told me everything, is he tired of me? Probably. Do I care? More than I should.
I shook my head with a look of disdain on my face, that was all it took for him to match my expression and walk away, leaving me alone picking everything up, he did well. A minute later, Cristian appeared by my side.
“Let me help you,” Cris finished helping me pick up my sheets. When I took my bag, I stuffed everything inside and a big smile appeared on his face when I looked at him.
“How did you see me?” I asked, puzzled, we didn’t have any classes together, even his courses were nowhere near mine.
“I came to find you,” he adjusted his backpack higher on his shoulder, nervously. “I wanted to see how you were, does it still hurt?”
“No, I’m fine now, thanks for caring and taking me to the hospital,” I thanked him with a forced smile, not because I wasn’t pleased with what he did, but because right now, when I feel empty, I can’t openly smile as if nothing happened.
I’m overreacting.
All my emotions are being brutally exaggerated.
Cris was walking towards the exit when I stopped him. I grabbed his wrist and thought my words through very coldly. My aunt, dinner, end of story for me at least.
“My aunt insisted that I invite you to dinner tonight to thank you,” I murmured, trying to avoid his gaze, I was dying of embarrassment. I wasn’t sure about this, but I didn’t have many options. “Do you want to come?”
Cris pondered my words, until he winked at me and started with his innate childish charm. “Are you sure? Can you resist me?”
“Believe me, there’s not much to resist.”
“That was a blow to my ego,” he said, placing his hand on his chest, making a face as if he was hurt.
“Will you come tonight then?” I wanted to make sure, and a group of boys entered, postponing what Cris had started to respond to me. The next class was coming in.
We both walked out to the hallway and he nodded. “I’m not going to miss it, Cel. I’ll be there at eight.”
“Alright, see you then.”
Maybe I needed this, a change, not to be under Donovan’s protective wing all the time, he affected me, I couldn’t pretend like nothing happened and simply try hard to feel comfortable as his friend. As hard as it is to admit and as much as it hurts, it was for the best, in just a few months I would leave the city and he would simply be a sad memory of what could never have been.
With tears threatening to escape my eyes at the mere thought of not seeing Donovan anymore, I turned and tried to walk to my next class, but a large torso blocked my path.
I jumped and took a few steps back. “What are you doing?! You almost scared me to death, Donovan!”
“Did you invite the kid to your house?” He wanted to know, his arms crossed and his gaze accusing.
God, hearing his voice was like taking a long drink of water after days of total dehydration.
“Kid? He’s our age and, now you’re interested? I thought you made it quite clear when you didn’t answer any damn messages.”
Something about what I said seemed to make him uncomfortable, as if he wanted to take it back, but something was stopping him.
“Use protection, don’t let him infect you with something… Or vice versa. It wouldn’t be good for someone like him to get a disease from a simple fuck.”
My heart dropped to the floor. He couldn’t say that to me, he couldn’t…
Of all people, not him.
I stood firm in front of Donovan and slapped him so hard that his head spun to the side and he took a step back in surprise. How dare he say that about me? I’m not a simple fuck! I never will be! I would never value myself for that, damn it!
“You’re a fucking idiot! Never speak to me again! Bastard!”
I saw regret on his face before I ran away from him.
I didn’t care.
Suddenly, I was back in my hometown. I was back to all the comments they said to my face. I was back to all the accusatory glances. I was back to feeling people’s prejudices towards me and my mother. I was back to feeling everything and it burned, damn, it hurt.
***
Later that same day, I left the institute, hoping to find April waiting for me.
She wasn’t there.
This morning she sent me a message saying she would take me home, what could have happened?
I resigned myself to the idea of taking the bus, so I walked, putting distance between the screaming students who hadn’t yet entered classes and myself. A few yards before the bus stop, I heard Donovan’s deep voice behind a tree, he was talking on the phone with someone. I was going to continue my way ignoring him, but I heard how out of nowhere he lowered his voice. I won’t lie and say that I was intrigued, but I wasn’t going to listen to his conversation, that’s what provoked me to get to know him in the first place, my damn curiosity.
“Well, I don’t care! Find someone else to do your stupid job! And I’ve told you! There’s nothing!” he shouted as I walked even faster away from where he was.
“Don’t get involved, Celina. Don’t.”
“No, I don’t want that,” he said defeated, as if the person on the other end of the line could tame him with just one word. “I’ll try.”
After that, I didn’t hear anything else, I was too far away, but I could feel his gaze on my back, he saw me.
What’s not there? What job doesn’t he want to do? I’m troubled to know where he’s getting into, not for Donovan, but for Alice.
I can’t help but think he’s getting into very dangerous territory and will drag Alice along with him.
“Celina…” I didn’t hear when Donovan followed me, I tried to ignore him and sat on the bench to wait for the bus, “What did you hear?”
“Me? Nothing,” I limited myself to answer without looking at him, it wasn’t up for discussion, I know what happens when I do.
“Don’t be stupid and tell me what you heard.”
“Stupid? Besides being a whore, also stupid? Great, Donovan.”
He seemed confused, he was thinking what he should do, what would be his next move until the bus came. I didn’t even look at him when I climbed the small stairs. I was disappointed not to receive any kind of apology for what he had said just a few hours ago. What did I expect? I’m talking about Donovan, he was never going to apologize.
But I would have loved it if he had.
I would have been fascinated.