“Where are you?” “Why did you leave like that?” “Donovan!” “What were you going to tell me?” “Aren’t you going to answer?” “Did I do something that bothered you?” “Fine, don’t answer, I don’t care.” “You’re an idiot! That’s what you are!” “You know what? You can go to hell. I don’t need you.” “I miss you.” No message was returned.
The jerk wasn’t even capable of responding to a single miserable message and was driving me crazy, or rather, crazier than I already was. I missed his morning coffee and his mischievous smile. I missed his voice. I missed the goofy way he would mess with his hair. I missed the odd movements he would make with his fingers when he was focused. I missed him calling me Alice. I missed the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I missed how his hand would deliberately brush against mine. I completely missed Donovan.
And to top it off, he hadn’t shown up to class for three days.
If I didn’t hate him enough before, I do now. I don’t want to see him, hear him, or hear his damn name ever again.
“Pride.”
It’s my fault for having empathy towards him and trusting him with things I swore never to trust anyone with. It’s my fault for believing there was much more beneath his beastliness. It’s my fault for spending too much time with him. I brought all this on myself; I should have kept my distance, feared what would happen if I allowed myself to get to know someone and share my life with them.
Damn, why can’t he just stop mattering to me?
I’m opening the front door to go to school when someone speaks behind me.
“Cel…” My aunt, almost hidden in the shadows of the living room, gives me a scare of a lifetime.
“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” My heart was pounding from the shock, what was she doing up at this hour? The sun hadn’t even risen yet.
“I’m sorry, how are you? We hardly ever see each other lately,” she tells me, approaching with a smile from ear to ear that seemed fake. What was wrong with her?
“Good… Yes, I know, I just spend a lot of time on group work and… you know,” I lied to her, it’s become a habit, I don’t feel guilty about it either. I made it clear from the beginning that school is my responsibility and so is what I do with my life, just a couple of months and I’ll be of age, I don’t need a mother at this stage, especially when I’ve been one for most of my adolescence.
“I know you miss a lot of school, Celina, what’s going on?” The accusatory tone in her voice didn’t sit well with me, and I know myself well enough to know this conversation is going to end with me being really angry.
Her problem is that I skip school? Really?
Many days Donovan and I skipped because we didn’t want to wait for school to end to talk, it was irritating to be behind the sports field with him for only thirty minutes and feel like it was just five.
“Can we talk later? I’m not going to make it on time.”
“Well, it didn’t bother you before to not go at all. You talk to me now,” her authoritative tone. This is not going to end well.
“I told you I would handle my studies, that they were my responsibility,” I simply said to her. I turned and opened the door again. She closed it.
“Yes, something you’re not taking seriously. Where are you going? Are you hanging out with a gang or something? Jessi told me you’re going out with a junkie and…”
“That’s not it! Do you really believe what she says?!” I was upset that she referred to Donovan as a junkie; he sold drugs, but he didn’t use them from what he told me. He’s not a saint, but he’s not a user.
Why the hell do I care? Donovan doesn’t exist anymore. He doesn’t exist.
“No, that’s why I’m asking you, Celina, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just…” I’m not proud of what I’m about to say, but I want to end this. “I went out a few times with Cris, the guy who took me to the hospital, just that. It won’t happen again, I’ll focus on my studies.”
Her facial expression changed, she was no longer frowning but happy?
“God, hearing that is great, I was afraid you were getting involved with dangerous people,” she hugged me and kissed my cheek. The idiot is naive, but not dangerous. Or maybe he is? I don’t know, nor am I going to find out. “Go on and don’t skip classes again.”
Before letting me respond, she started up the stairs, but not before asking me something that made me want to stick my head in the oven. “Bring your friend over tomorrow, I want to meet him.”
“What? No, we don’t go out anymore…”
“Come on, Cel, if you don’t bring him, I will. Invite him to dinner.”
Before letting me finish, she was already on the second floor, I heard her open and close her bedroom door.
***
The moment I saw him cross the classroom threshold, I was filled with a tide of emotions. I wanted to run and hug him, at the same time, hit him and demand a damn explanation. But I did neither, I just watched him until he decided to walk past me without a single word leaving his lips, not even a simple greeting out of politeness. Nothing.
I took a deep breath; anger and impatience were currently intermingled within me. Behind me, Jessi was laughing at me with her followers, and next to me, Donovan. He was ignoring me just as much as I was trying to do with him.
We’re talking about Donovan.
I couldn’t ignore him.
His presence unsettled me.
When he entered the classroom, the first thing he did was look at me. I saw a glimmer of hope when he saw me, but then everything turned gray on his gloomy face. There was nothing.
When he realized that the only vacant seat was the one next to me, he turned to leave, but at that moment the History Professor stopped him at the entrance. Without a word, he pointed to my seat, and Donovan, against all odds, obeyed. He was careful not to even brush against me as he passed me, and for that, I was grateful.
As soon as he saw that the only empty seat was next to me, he turned around to leave, but then the History Professor stopped him at the entrance. Without a word, he pointed to my seat, and Donovan, against all odds, obeyed. He was very careful not to even brush against me as he passed, and I was very grateful for that.