Upon waking, I cautiously descended the stairs. Eva is parked outside waiting for me to go to the cinema, but I don’t want to risk running into Nick. I grabbed my purse which was beside the sofa, and looked behind me. There was nobody there.
I slowly went to the kitchen and everything was as it was yesterday, no sign of the man in question. Out of sheer curiosity, I went back up the stairs hoping to see him in his room. “All this work to ignore him and then you go looking for him Samantha, well done,” I chided myself.
As soon as I opened the door, I realized that his bedroom was empty. Nick had left. He must have returned from where he came, I suppose. He gave up on me. Looking around his room for the last time, anxiety kicked in. Biting the corner of my lip and pinching the palm of my hand, I held back the urge to cry, imagining that last night could have been the last time I saw his face.
“So… He went to your house, you argued, the power went out, Aaron called you, Nick threatened him. Then he kissed you and you cried. He didn’t come after you, and you think it might be over?” Eva’s summary made me feel incredibly stupid.
“Well, yes.”
“That would be a miracle. But why do you look so distressed? Let’s suppose we managed to get him to stop bothering you, you should be smiling,” I glanced at her. She was smiling, a forced and fearful smile.
“Okay, I got it. Stop smiling like that for God’s sake.”
Just at that moment, the traffic light turned red, she leaned towards me still with that smile on her face. Laughing, I pushed her away. We changed the subject and started talking about Aaron. Today we were going to have dinner at his apartment, Eva had already started thinking dirty thoughts and teasing me that this was going to be the best night of my life.
Reality was very different in my head. I imagined candles and other romantic things, only for Aaron to want something from me that I’m not willing to give to anyone yet.
“Don’t be nervous, the worst that can happen in this kind of situations is that he has a small…
“Shut up,” I shrieked before she could finish.
She smiled, shrugging.
“I’m not a virgin, darling. I could help you a bit.”
“I’ve noticed. And I don’t need help with anything, because that’s what’s going to happen. Nothing.”
A huff escaped her lips. She parked in the cinema car park and got out of the car, I imitated her.
“If a man invites you to his house, it’s not to play chess.”
“No? Well, there are checkers, cards, and also Monopoly,” I gave her a self-satisfied smile and entered the cinema.
We watched a horror movie. It seemed like a comedy to me, but Eva was genuinely scared and denied to death that the movie was very bad. The moment when the protagonist’s friend was beheaded by the half-deformed man and she was still screaming, with half her neck hanging from the skin, Eva covered her eyes and almost jumped on top of me. I almost died of laughter.
“Do you want me to drop you off at Aaron’s house?” Eva asked, slightly raising the corner of her lip.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. I nodded my head, she started jumping while clapping. When we got to the apartment complex, Eva took my hand and whispered “good luck.” I explained to her again that nothing was going to happen, but she just winked at me and kicked me out of the car.
I rang the bell of apartment 36. A moment later someone tapped my shoulder, I turned around startled. It was Aaron, with a shopping bag in his hand.
“Relax, I’m not a rapist,” he smiled reassuringly.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been very…” I shook my head, “never mind.”
“You got here early,” he gave me a rough kiss on the lips and put the key in the door to enter the building.
“Yes, Eva offered to bring me. I preferred to come by car than by bus.”
Aaron didn’t answer. I don’t know if he wasn’t listening or didn’t care to answer. Either way, I ignored his indifference and followed him without saying anything.
Upon reaching the door of his apartment, I started to feel scared, maybe nervous. What do I do if the only reason for bringing me to his house is to get more physical, to level up? How would I react if he pounced on me? How could I reject him? That was the question.
He opened the door and invited me in. His house is small and has few pieces of furniture.
Four steps away from me there is a burgundy couch, facing a gigantic television. On the other side of the room was the kitchen, it couldn’t fit more than one person there, but it was very beautiful and modern. Next to the television was a door, which I think leads to the bathroom, and in front of me, there was an open door leading to the bedroom.
The floor is completely carpeted, so I took off my shoes.
“Do you like it?” He asked in a low voice.
“It’s very nice. I love it.”
He nodded and put the groceries on the kitchen counter. I’ve never seen him so serious and curt with me. We barely said ten words to each other and I don’t think I’ve done anything to him…
Nick. I forgot that he called him last night. What do I do? Do I apologize? Do I explain what happened? If I tell him what happened he’ll know that I have a history with him.
“Listen Aaron, I…” Before I could answer he was passionately taking over my mouth. So much so that I think he broke my lip. I followed his kiss, while he led me to the couch. He threw me onto it and positioned himself on top of me. He was taking off his jacket and I started to panic.
I separated his mouth from mine, and tried to push him to get him off a little, but he resisted.
“Aaron, stop,” I hissed.
He started kissing my neck, I told him to stop again, but he ignored my request. “Aaron! I’m telling you to stop!” I yelled at him.
He quickly got off me, angry.
“Do you still want him?” He spat out. My heart froze.
“Who?”
“Him.” I stared at him, not responding, unable to believe that he already knew. “Don’t play dumb with me, Samantha. You know very well who I’m talking about.”
Telling him “it doesn’t matter” doesn’t seem to work this time. If I tell him that my stepbrother is a psycho, I don’t think he’ll believe me, even though it wouldn’t be entirely untrue. The last option would be to tell him the truth.
“Nick and I, he and I…” My voice faded as the words came out.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” he said ironically.
He’s leaning on the counter, his lips pursed, and his eyes demanding an explanation.
“Was it too obvious?” I asked him.
“Yes, but I thought everything was over.”
He came over to me, and stroked my cheek.
“It’s over, right?”
This is the moment when I should tell him that yes, I’m definitely done with everything that has to do with him. But the words don’t want to leave my mouth. The worry in his expression from not immediately responding made me feel guilty.
Did I really end things with Nick? Even if I say yes, every time he’s in front of me, I melt at a single touch or caress. Every time I see him I want to forget everything that happened between us, start from scratch with him, be able to have a relationship with him.
“I thought so,” I said simply. The embarrassment made me look at the floor and not Aaron’s worried face.
“Do you want him?” He asked again, this time more calmly.
“That’s not the question. I’m not going to be with him.”
“Do you want me?”
I wish I could say yes, but I can’t lie at this stage of the game. I want him, but not as I should.
“That is the question, Samantha. You don’t want me like you want him but you’re with me. You want him but you’re not with him. Think about how you’re handling your life.” I remained silent, he was right, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I can’t drag him into my problems.
“I think I should go.”
I took my bag and left the building. Aaron didn’t follow me and not a single tear fell.