When I opened my eyes, the first thought that crossed my mind was the kiss.
A feeling that swept over me, filling me entirely, wiping absolutely everything from my mind except the moment I was experiencing.
It was like flying to heaven without wings; I felt no moment in my life could surpass that exact instant. Undoubtedly, nothing else was as beautiful.
Someone knocked on the door, interrupting my thoughts. I don’t want to see anyone, I want to be alone, think about what happened last night; what I did; what I felt.
“Samantha, it’s me,” he informed me calmly. I didn’t answer. Come on, open the damn door.
“Uh-oh, we woke up aggressive.”
I didn’t answer again. Nick started to pound on the door multiple times in a row. “I swear to God I won’t stop until you open the door.”
I knew he wasn’t joking, that he wouldn’t stop insisting, so I got up and let him in. He entered, and I turned to face the wall; I couldn’t see him after what happened.
Not because I didn’t want to. I wanted to see him so badly that not doing so hurt me. But if I did, I would also want to kiss him… and I probably would.
Everything is so confusing right now, my head says I have to forget this guy and move on with my life, but my body definitely wants something more. I can’t stay away from him for long.
When I’m not with Nick, I feel empty. Alone. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
He was the first to break the awkward silence that had fallen between us.
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped, shrugging. Still not daring to look at him.
“I don’t know. Right now, I’d like an explanation as to why you won’t look at me,” Nick replied, the anger dissipating from his voice.
“I can’t do this.” That’s all I said in response.
“Do what exactly?” I turned around to look at him. This is a joke, right?
“This,” My hand zig-zagged between us, “This isn’t right!”
“Now you feel it?” He sounded hurt. I didn’t respond. “Is this some fucking joke?!”
At that moment, I was worried that Olivia might hear and come up to see what was happening. How do we explain that we are alone in my room so early in the morning?
“Don’t shout, your aunt might hear,” I moved closer to him. I realized that wasn’t going to be beneficial for either of us, so I moved even further away from him.
Nick noticed my retreat and got even more furious.
“To hell with it! Answer me, do you regret it now?” He moved closer to me just to provoke me. He’s not making this any easier; being this close, I can’t think clearly.
“Nick…” I wanted to tell him I did regret it, but I would be lying; I don’t regret anything about him; absolutely nothing.
I raised my head to be able to look into his eyes; his gaze was a mix of anger and pain. Seeing my silence, the sadness in his eyes disappeared, and all that remained was anger and rage.
I don’t know where I got the strength to say this to him. “It’s over, Nick.”
He stared at me and, after a few seconds, lifted the corner of his lip and smiled. A cold smile that made my entire body shiver. Not the kind of shiver that he always provoked in me with a simple touch. This kind of shiver wasn’t good at all.
“Samantha, tell me, what are you ending?” he asked me. I noticed an ironic tone in his voice.
“I’m ending this, what we’re doing,” I said without looking at him.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t end something that never started, and for the record, you were the one who kissed me, so don’t play innocent and don’t think too much of yourself.” When Nick said that, I had to fight back the tears that threatened to spill.
“When I did it, you didn’t reject me,” I said, looking up at him. He shrugged, and his smile was still there.
“I’m a man, what do you expect me to do?” He opened the door and left the room. But not before slamming the door.
Did he really not feel what I felt in that kiss? Did he not care? That would make things easier, but… God, it hurts so much.