It has been a week since the last time I spoke to Nick. Since that kiss, we haven’t talked, let alone looked at each other. The first few days after our argument in the bathroom didn’t seem so hard because there was still a small glimmer of hope that Nick would come to me and say he didn’t mean what he said there, that he only said it because he was angry with me and said it without thinking. That moment never came.
I spent all day in my room, writing, reading, listening to music, cleaning; I would do anything to not leave my room and see Nick, every time I did, I wanted to push him against the wall, kiss him until it hurt and I ran out of air. Yes, that’s how crazy I am. I don’t feel like Samantha anymore. Someone else has taken over my body.
Today I got tired of hiding in my room all day and only going out to eat, which I hardly ever did because I never had an appetite.
I wish I could say I’m just sad because I miss my family or something like that, trying to occupy my head with something else, but I can’t even think about that anymore.
Everything in my head is Nick, he’s in every corner of it and he won’t let me rest for even a few seconds from thoughts related to him. The museum, the park, the movies, the letters, the dinners, the kiss? Everything brings me back to him. I’m tired in every sense.
Tomorrow is my first day at university and I should be excited. Why am I not? Oh yes, because after today I am going to see Nick every day. Part of me is happy about that and another part is furious with myself. Why did I kiss him? Why did I ruin everything? How am I supposed to see him after everything that has happened?
After a while of staring at the ceiling while lying on my bed, someone knocks on the door.
The ceiling has become a great friend these days. Thank goodness I can’t kiss it to scare it away.
I rush to see Nick apologizing or whatever. I swear if it was him, I would hug him and express how much I’ve missed him.
When I open the door, I find Olivia with a very forced smile. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her…
“Can I come in?” was the first thing she said.
I took a step back to let her in. She entered and sat on the bed. “Is everything okay?” she asked, looking at me with feigned concern.
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” I sat down on the chair in front of the desk.
“Samantha, I can tell something is not right, you never leave your room; not even to have dinner.
How do you know? You’re never home.
“Olivia, everything is fine, I just like being peaceful in my room.”
“You have bags under your eyes, it looks like you’ve been without sleep for days,” Olivia pointed out, this time more seriously. I didn’t know, lately I haven’t been paying much attention to my appearance.
“Yes, it’s just… I miss my home.” Technically I wasn’t lying, I miss them, but, it’s not what bothers me the most.
What was I going to tell her? That I kissed her son? That I rejected him and felt like shit about it? That her son hurt me by telling me that his kiss meant nothing to him? That I have feelings for my stepbrother?
“You know you can tell me anything, right?
“No, I can’t.”
“Sure, but I assure you it’s just that,” I said with a certainty that satisfied her.
“That’s alright. Tomorrow is your first day at university, are you nervous?” Grateful that she changed the subject, I smiled.
“A bit, yes.” I am nervous, very nervous…
“That’s normal. When I started college, I was also terrified, but after a few days, I made lots of friends.”
She looked at me again. “I’ve already talked to Nick to give me a ride.” My eyes widened. Being locked in a car with Nick is not a very good idea right now.
“No! Olivia, I don’t need him to take me, I can take a taxi or walk.”
“No way, the university is too far away. Besides, Nick didn’t complain when I asked him, he was calm, you don’t bother him, but did something happen this week? I know he went out partying again, leaving you here alone.
Did he not put up resistance?
“No, nothing happened.” I began to pick at the cuticle of my finger, trying to show indifference and for her to leave, I didn’t want to talk to her about anything.
“But you haven’t spoken to each other for a week.” She crossed her arms and looked at me waiting for an answer. An answer that I was not going to give her, no matter how tough she was with me.
“Nothing happened, at least not on my part, he lives his life and I live mine, we don’t have to talk every day. If you want to know more, talk to Nick, I don’t have any answers for you right now.” I don’t think Nick told her we kissed, he can’t be that stupid, can he?
“I already asked him and he told me to ask you.”
“Son of a…”
“Olivia seriously, nothing happened, we get along very well.”
I was expecting her to keep pushing, but she just gave a long sigh and looked at me.
“I’ll leave it at that for now, it just made me a little sad.” I had the feeling she was lying, it didn’t make her sad, did it make her happy? “Don’t mind Nick, you know, I’m his aunt and I can tell you that he’s a troubled boy, he’s not the best company and especially not for you. I love him, but you two are different. I insisted on knowing what was happening because I thought he had done something to you, but you telling me this, it’s reassured me. Try to have a relationship with him only for the university rides and back, seriously, it’s for the best.
“Ugh, I see how sad she was.”
I didn’t know if what she was saying was an order or advice.
“I’ll try.”
“Of course, you will.”
“Lately he goes to parties and comes home drunk, sometimes he brings strangers, especially girls, can you lock the door before you go to sleep? I don’t want any stranger to bother you. I can control the situation when I’m here, but when I’m not, no one can do anything with him.”
Did she say girls? I felt a pang in my chest. It was ironic how a few days ago I had invited one over for tea and now it hurt to remember it again.
“I will do it, Olivia,” I said in the most curt way possible. I’m too irate to have anyone’s company right now.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” She thanked me, got up, and hugged me. “Good luck tomorrow.” I gave her a smile and she left.