The smile freezes on her face, but she quickly recovers. “Of course I will. I’m sure he’s worried about you too. But they could be busy for a while.”
The cold starts to set in again and I just nod and slide back down into the bed, pulling the covers right up to my chin.
Worried about me, she said, about Xavier.
I’m worried about me, too.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go on without him.
Him
“Hey, Xavier, how are you doing, man?”
I ignore the guy at the front desk and continue walking past the machines to the back of the training area. My jacket lands on the floor where I throw it, and I kick my shoes off, looking around the gym.
“Hey. You. Wanna spar?” I say to a young guy doing burpees on the mat.
“Me?” he says, patting his chest.
“Yeah, I’m looking at you, aren’t I? What? Scared I’ll kick your ass? You’ve got forty pounds on me.”
He snorts and jumps to his feet. I was wrong, he’s got at least sixty pounds on me, and six inches. “No, old man, I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid FOR you.”
“Don’t waste your breath on the trash talk. Just put your money where your meathead is.” I slide under the ropes and into the ring.
“You wanna stretch a little first?”
“Let’s just do this.” I don’t need to warm up. The walk here from Malynda’s apartment was warm up enough. I need something to help me cool the fuck off.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he says, joining me in the ring.
“Rules?”
“No fucking rules,” I say and swing my left arm.
He ducks out of the way, light on his feet for such a big guy.
“Your funeral,” he says, shrugging.
I can only hope.
He’s fast. I can barely keep up just trying to duck and weave out of the way of his fists. His long arms make it hard. My breath is ragged already. I’m not really dressed for this. My suit pants aren’t conducive to the high kicks, so I’m going to be aiming for his fucking knees instead. Even though they’re almost the height of my waist.
He punches and I lunge forward, hoping to catch his arm in a hold. He shakes me off like I’m an annoying bug that landed on his wrist. I trip as I land, awkwardly, but manage to get up onto my feet before he pins me down.
I attack this time with a barrage of strikes and land a hit on the side of his face. He growls and spins, his foot connecting with my hip with a back kick that knocks the air out of me.
We both retreat to our corners to catch our breath, shaking the pain from our bodies.
He lifts his arm to wipe the sweat off his brow and I take this chance to charge him, ramming my shoulder into his stomach.
“Ah!” he grunts as he doubles over but he doesn’t fall; instead, he moves his arm to hook around my neck and slams me to the ground. I fall on my back, and he straddles over me, his eyes burning red. He lifts an arm and his closed fist comes down to slam against the side of my face. I almost choke from the impact, I’ve never been punched so hard.
I barely have time to recover before I feel him lift his arm ready for another punch.
“Give up?” he growls.
“Fuck you,” I spit and he responds, striking against the other side of my face. Fuck.
I punch my arm up out of habit and make contact with his chest. Not that it matters. It’s hard as steel.
“Is… that all you’ve got?” I taunt him, as I feel him move to get off me.
He snorts and looms over me again, I stare at him, daring him. He bares his teeth and swings again, his knuckles slamming against my face so hard I feel something tear and crack.
“Again,” I rasp, and he grins lifting his arm again.
“What the fuck?! Stop! Marcel!” a familiar voice yells out, and Meathead stops his fist mid-swing, looking up.
“Get the fuck off him,” I hear Ram say. Fucking hell.
“Dude, I warned him,” Meathead says, getting up off me.
“Just shut up and go work out somewhere else.”
I lay there, head-spinning, a streak of wetness leaking from my mouth.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hear my friend ask, as I feel him kneel by the side of my head. “You trying to get yourself killed?”
I almost laugh.
He pulls on my arm, helping me up. My head feels like it’s been run over by a snow plow, and my mouth like I’ve been hooked by a marlin fisherman.
“You’re a fucking mess, man.”
“I’m fine.” And I am, I feel better than I have in hours. I’ll take this over the red-hot iron poker skewering a hole from my gut all the way to my fucking heart any day. “Jesus, I’m fine!” I yell, as he tries to turn me over, checking for wounds.
“What the fuck is going on with you? I haven’t seen you this bad since… since I first fucking met you.”
“Huh, that sorry sap had it fucking good,” I sneer.
I push myself up but the ground shakes under me and I fall back onto the mat.
“Whoa, steady, man.” Ram catches my arm and I shake him off.
“I said, I’m okay! Geez, like I’ve never taken a punch before. I’ve taken plenty of YOURS in the past.”
“I was pulling them, dickhead. Now, are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”
“Nothing, just blowing off some steam, it’s been a hard week.”
“Problem with the girl?”
I feel my head whip around, and it just makes him appear in front of me in double.
“What? What girl?”
“Shut up, I’m not an idiot. I’ve seen this all before.”
I can’t argue. He has. I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, until there’s nothing left in my lungs before I inhale again.
“I found her. Well, she found me. Or, I dunno. Fate found us. Or Lucifer.”
“The girl?”
“Yeah.”
“Holy fuck, man.”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“It’s not sunshine and rainbows, dancing around in each other’s arms singing ‘la dee daa’?” He purses his lips together and makes a kissy noise.
“Can you please not ever do that ever again? I’m in enough pain.”
“You asked for it,” he shrugs.
Yeah. I’d have happily taken more if he hadn’t stuck his fucking nose into my business.
“No. It’s not… all la dee rainbows,” I wave my hand at him. “It…” The memory of her telling me suddenly floods my brain. The images. Her fear, palpable. Her voice cracking. Her eyes filling with shame, sadness, hopelessness. “Oh god, Ram.” My heart feels like it’s tearing itself open in my chest. I struggle to breathe.
It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.
I should never have let her go alone.
I should have dropped everything and told her I’d go with her to the ends of the earth, wherever she wanted, whenever.
But I didn’t. I sent her here, alone.