Again and again and again… I’ve failed her. I have never been able to protect her, not even from me. What kind of man was I that she thought she had to protect me from her shame?
Not just then, but now. Had I not changed enough, grown up enough, that even now, it took her home being broken into, her life being threatened, before she felt like she could tell me?
“Breathe, man, breathe,” I hear Ram’s voice remind me.
All I can do is shake my head.
The person I loved most in the world, I failed.
I drop my head into my hands, and there’s a deafening pounding in my skull. I couldn’t save her from the past, but I’ll be fucking damned if I ever let anything happen to her from here on out.
I push myself up, this time I couldn’t care less that the world under my feet is crumbling. I’ve going to make this right.
“Where are you going, man?” Ram shouts after me.
To the past, buddy. To the past.
Him
She looks so peaceful.
Just the soft hue from the moonlight filtering through the blinds, washing over her. Watching over her.
I know she’s safe here in Kaine’s apartment. He’s about as paranoid as they come and his place is a fortress. I know there’s nowhere else in the world I feel would be safer for Malynda right now.
Not even with me.
Her breathing is slow but steady in her deep sleep. I reach over and brush a hair off her cheek, and she doesn’t even stir.
My sweet, beautiful girl.
She looks so peaceful, but all I can see is the trauma she’s been through.
My breath catches in my throat as the image replays in my mind of her terrified, fighting the assault, running for her life.
And the shame, the shame that followed.
She was in trouble.
And I wasn’t there to save her.
Yes, I know all about shame.
I lean over and brush a kiss on her forehead. This time, her breath quickens and her eyelashes flutter against her cheek, then still.
“I’m sorry, my love,” I whisper. I tiptoe out of the room and close the door silently behind me.
Her
It’s definitely morning the next time I open my eyes. And my stomach rumbles.
The water jug by the side of my bed is magically full again, and I smile; Jade really is the perfect hostess. My arms lift themselves high up into the air and my spine cracks a little as I stretch, feeling my muscle fibers spark into life after almost a day of hibernation.
My legs swing off the bed and I stand up, a little wobbly.
I feel okay. I needed the sleep, but now I need to get on with my life, whatever that means, and with whom.
I peek out the door, and a waft of sizzling bacon almost knocks me off my feet. I follow the scent like a cartoon character, my nose twitching, a white swirl of delicious smell leading me into the kitchen.
Where a giant is standing towering over the stove.
I freeze.
Fight or flight?
He turns and I don’t have time to make a choice.
“Oh, you’re up. Great,” he says, waving a greasy spatula at me, before turning his attention back to the sizzling pan, one that looks like a toy in his hands.
“Um, hi.”
“Sit down. Juice or coffee?”
I don’t know why, but I obey, sitting down at the stool on the kitchen island. Okay, I do know why, it’s because I don’t think it would take much for him to turn me into a sausage link cooking on that frying pan of his.
“Um, coffee, please.”
He spins around, and it’s only then that I notice he’s wearing an apron. One of Jade’s aprons specifically, judging by the thin ruffle and lily pattern. It barely covers a third of his front and the ties dangle on the sides, unable to meet around his waist. He stares at me for a moment and pours a glass of orange juice from the jug and slides it across the island to me.
“Um, I’m sorry, I said coffee.”
“I know,” he says, and continues staring at me.
Weird.
Even weirder, I feel like I should be afraid of him, but I’m not.
“Drink,” he says, finally breaking his stare to fill up two plates with the food he’s cooked and come around to sit down next to me, a plate of bacon and fried eggs in front of each of us.
I drink. The cool tart juice feels good sliding down my throat and I can feel the vitamins being absorbed into my body. There’s something… different in the juice, earthy and spicy. I feel instantly more alert.
“It’s ginger, ” the giant says, without my even asking, as he shovels an entire egg into his mouth. “Way better for you than coffee. Stop drinking that junk.”
“Then why did you offer it?”
“Test,” he mumbles through a mouthful of food.
I pick up a piece of bacon and take a bite. It’s hot and salty and crispy and delicious. I’m not usually big on bacon but my body is craving energy. Nothing like sizzling pork fat to provide it. The sustenance builds up my courage.
“So, um, are you going to tell me who you are and what you’re doing at Kaine and Jade’s place?”
“I’m Ram.”
Ram. The name sounds familiar. I take another sip of the juice, hoping to shock my brain into remembering. Ram.
“I’m Xavier’s friend.”
Ah. Yes. The bouncer.
“Oh, okay, yes, he’s told me about you.”
“Probably not as much as he’s told me about you.” His eyebrow twitches, but he doesn’t volunteer any more information.
“Oh, okay. But that doesn’t explain what you’re doing here.”
“Xavier asked me to make sure you get around okay today. I’m here to take you wherever you need to go.”
The mention of Xavier again turns the pit of my stomach into a centrifuge, spinning until the bottom threatens to fall out. We haven’t spoken since yesterday at my apartment. I have no idea what he’s thinking, about me, about what I told him, about our past or our future.
“Xavier?” I say, surprised there isn’t more of a tremble in my voice. “Um, where… where is he?”
“He’d be here himself but… um, he’s taking care of some business. I’m sure he’ll get in touch with you soon.”
“Oh okay,” I say, but I really want to grab him by his mountainous shoulders and shake him and make him tell me everything he knows. “Well, I don’t need you to babysit me, I can take care of myself.”
“Sure, whatever you say,” comes the answer. “Just let me know whenever you’re ready to go,” he grunts as he pushes himself off his stool, carrying his empty plate to the sink.