The tips of my fingers tingle as intensely as the rest of my body. Sloane is quiet and introspective next to me. When I got back to the truck, he looked at me with comically wide eyes, pursing his lips to hide a smile or to avoid saying anything.
We’re back on the highway. The wiring is securely fastened with the connector, and I find it easier to breathe… unless I think too much about Sloane writhing in my lap, her ass grinding against my cock.
I’ll be stopping at the nearest mechanic to have the brake connector checked because that shouldn’t have come loose at all. According to Google, that means we’ll be spending some time in a town called Blisswater Springs.
“Aren’t we going to talk more?” -Sloane says, cutting the silence-. As I know you’re generally not a big talker. But can we not be awkward about…” Her hand waves in front of her.
“About the kiss?”
-Yeah. It was a stressful moment. A moment of madness. We can be calm about it.
I’ve thought about kissing Sloane for a long time, whether I wanted to admit it or not.
In fact, I almost adopted the last name Woodcock for the rest of my life because I spent so much time thinking about it instead of doing anything about it.
This may not be the perfect time to get my shit together when it comes to Sloane Winthrop, but it is a time. And if I have discovered anything in this Shakespearean tragedy of life, it is that life is just moments all strung together like multicolored Christmas lights. You always end up liking some colors more than others.
Happy, tragic, peaceful, fun. Unforgettable moments and moments we wish we could forget.
And kissing Sloane in this truck isn’t one of those. It’s a moment I have every intention of holding on to.
In the past, I was told to stay away from her. In the past, I cared about that warning.
But in this moment? I don’t give a shit.
“It wasn’t a moment of madness,” I say matter-of-factly.
-Sorry? “She seems incredulous.”
“I definitely wanted to kiss you.”
She scoffs, crosses her arms and turns red.
You barely reacted a few seconds before. You were in shock, so you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe you.
“I don’t need you to believe me for it to be true.”
I don’t know why after years of keeping my mouth shut, I’m now blurting all this out. Most likely it’s because I saw our lives flash before my eyes. When I looked at Sloane next to me and saw her beautiful blue eyes closed, her fingers gripping the seat, her shoulders hunched up to her ears, I realized this could be my last moment with her.
My last moment and she would never know what she is to me. How much she means to me. That she is everything to me . And that’s fucking crazy. Like a waste. For a man who knows loss so intimately, why would he lose something so valuable?
I think I realized that at dinner when I saw Sloane sitting next to a man who talked over her every chance he got. She was about to marry a piece of human chauvinistic trash, but she could have had me… if she’d wanted me.
If I had told him.
And she didn’t know because I was too stuck in my own head to tell her.
Too paralyzed by my fear of losing the people I care about.
Of losing her.
But damn, losing someone and not having them know you care? Wish you could go back and tell him?
It’s a special hell. One I have no intention of living in because I’ve already given enough of myself to my demons, they can’t have her too.
I almost married someone else.
I shake my head sharply and look at her. She seems angry, which is not the reaction I expected. But so do I, because the mere mention that she’s marrying someone sends me into such a burning rage that I don’t even know what to do with it.
-Yeah. That would have been a shame because it fucking sucks.
“Ha! Fucking incredible. His jaw drops and he stares out the passenger window. I’ve known you for how long? Eighteen years? Almost half your life? And this… this feeling occurs to you now?
An unfunny laugh escapes him and he shakes his head.
Did someone else come to play in your sandbox and you got territorial after years of not looking at me? I love that . I’m not a fire hydrant for you to piss on, Jasper. His hands are raised next to his head. As if… I’m supposed to believe that you just woke up and your childhood friend is suddenly very kissable these days? Oh my God. How funny. If I didn’t like you so much, I’d kick you in the balls for this.
I should be worried, but all I can think is that there she is. The firecracker girl. The prima ballerina who trains like crazy and drinks cheap beer like it’s fine wine.
I tell you the truth, with my eyes on the road.
“It didn’t just occur to me now.
He rolls his eyes and lifts his shoulders, as if straightening up in his seat makes him feel less vulnerable.
-It’s the truth. “I wish the roads were better so I could give her my full attention and look her in the eyes. Wipe that smug expression off her face and kiss her again. Make him believe me. Because I know I haven’t been imagining these moments between us. The ones where the air becomes so heavy it seems like more than I can bear.
“I don’t believe you,” he repeats, but this time his voice is a little hoarse.
“You kissed me back,” I say just as the thought strikes me that maybe this is all very one-sided and I’ve gone terribly astray. After all, my experience with women beyond sex is non-existent.
Except for Sunny. She is the girl I tell everything to. The girl who was always there on my worst days and my darkest nights. Not because I asked him to, but because that’s what we are to each other.
It doesn’t matter how many years have passed. We will always be that for each other.
-Do not tell me. “She has crossed her arms over her ribs again and my eyes run over the way she holds her breasts. The tingle in my fingers is now an itch to explore every inch of her body, to show her all the ways I want her.