I can only nod my head. I have a dry mouth. I hear ringing in my ears. My eyes are absorbed by its midnight sky.
He leans forward again and kisses my forehead. I grab his hair with my fingers and move closer. I tilt my head as if I could snuggle against him, as if I could crawl to him and snuggle into his chest. I want him to be as close to me as I am to him.
He tilts his head, eyes searching. A silent question. And I answer him with my head.
Then his lips rest on my cheek. His hand slides to the back of my neck and caresses my skull.
We are so close. So close to each other. As if neither of them wanted the other to walk away.
Jasper trails his lips along the top of my cheekbone, his beard scratchy over my skin, peppering it with little fires I never want to put out.
He kisses the corner of my jaw, and when he sticks out the tip of his tongue, I moan.
Shamelessly. Desperately.
It brings me closer. His strong arm goes around my waist and pulls me against him.
“Jasper,” I whisper.
In response, he grabs my hair and pulls my head to the side, dragging his hot mouth down and then up my neck. I press my legs closer to him, listening only to the beating of my heart in my ears and the deep moan that vibrates in his chest.
“I can never lose you,” he growls.
“You won’t,” I respond quietly, just as the tip of his nose brushes the shell of my ear.
“I may do it.”
Nun…
Before I can say never, he cuts me off with, “Because I think I’m about to fuck everything up between us.”
And then he kisses me.
His lips mold to mine and his fingers thread into my hair as his grip becomes gentle.
I freeze in shock – in utter disbelief – and when I do, he stops, pulling away as his warm palm slides down my throat to look me in the eyes.
-I’m sorry…
I cut him off by launching myself against him again. And he doesn’t waste a fucking second.
He doesn’t kiss me like a friend. He kisses me back with the same fervor. He kisses me as if he wanted to consume me.
And he does it.
His hands are hot marks on my body, touching and squeezing in places I will never forget. His lips are warm and firm. He’s soft, but he orders me around. He tilts my head as he wants. He sets the pace of our languid kisses until he adopts a more demanding rhythm.
Until his tongue slides into my mouth and his teeth pinch my bottom lip.
Me too? I become putty in his arms. I’ve been lost in him for years, but today, in a silent truck, in the middle of a snowstorm, I let myself get lost in him.
He takes and I give.
I take and he gives.
I roll my hips against his and he moans, “Sloane.”
He squeezes his hand in my hair and I feel the dull burning of it tugging at my scalp. His opposite hand lazily moves down my ribcage to rest on my hip, his long fingers carelessly extending across the curve of my ass and his thumb brushing the contour of my thong.
Everything is slow. Painfully slow. So representative of us in many ways. But there is also a touch of desperation in both.
A hard bite with every movement.
My nipples are shaking. My heart beats. My body lights up. My hips roll again.
This time his hard length presses me. I moan, excited and relieved at the same time. I’ve spent years thinking that Jasper Gervais couldn’t want me, but now his body tells a different story.
And also his words.
“Sunny, you’re going to make me lose my mind.
“Fine,” I murmur against her mouth. We will be crazy together. I’m so tired of doing it alone.
I’m ready to rip off his clothes and impale myself on him, here and now. I’m crazy. I feel drunker than last night.
I kiss him again, pouring all my frustration and longing into him. And he gives it back to me tenfold. It knocks me down and steals the air from my lungs.
And then he pushes me away. He grabs my hair with one hand, lifts my head towards him and looks at me.
His eyes roam every corner of my face as he evaluates me.
He reads me like a fucking book and then tells me something I’ve been wanting to hear for a long time.
-You are not alone. I am at your side.
I let out a sigh so big that my body sinks as it leaves me.
-But this is not the time or the place. Is not safe. And you are too valuable to risk it.
Fuck my security. If I died riding Jasper Gervais in the driver’s seat of this truck, I’d be fine with it. What a way to go. Going out with a bang, so to speak.
When is the time and place? “I exhale instead.
He gives me a ghost kiss on my wet, swollen lips and brings my ear to his mouth.
“When I say so,” he snores.
A shiver runs through my body. When I pull away, his eyes turn dark again and settle on my lips, then my breasts, before moving back up to my face.
He grabs my head gently.
-I’ll be right back. I have to check the brakes so I can go down the hill. Buckle up, just in case.
I nod and he lifts me, placing me in the passenger seat effortlessly. He walks out the door and into the snow without another word.
And I sit here, dumbfounded, hoping that he’s okay. And taking inventory of everything he did to my body when he said: When I say so .
19
jasper
Jasper: Bad roads. Brake problems. We will spend the night in a town called Blisswater Springs.
Harvey: Do you win a prize for using as few words as possible? They are fine? Can you explain yourself?
Jasper: I’ll call you from the hotel. We’re ok. Safe. You don’t need to worry.
Harvey: Come on. Give me something. One bed or two?
Jasper: Talk to you later.